Panic Attacks

Lately, I've been a big ball of stress just ready to explode. We saw that the other day, when I went crazy and tried to organize the pantry. It is odd to feel the panic bubbling up inside. Your heart races, you start sweating. That, I can deal with. The worst part is when your mind goes so fast through so many things that you can't concentrate on anything. When I get like this, I'll start on one task, and get partly finished, when I'll think of something else, and maniacally decide I have to move on to the next. This sometimes helps me to get the house clean, but usually not, because when I'm in this mode, I tend to clean like a tornado. I'll get some of the mess clean, I'll get started but move on to the next before I've finished.

I don't know the best way to describe the feeling, and maybe I'm the only whack job who gets this way. Imagine my body is a glass jar. I can feel the stress start in my feet, and as things get worse, it bubbles up, like a boiling liquid. I start to panic when it gets to my stomach. If I don't do something to release the stress, or get some time to relax, it bubbles up to my chest and into my neck. When it gets to that point, I start doing crazy things, like re-organizing closets and losing my cool. That is how I let off steam. If I don't do something, It reaches my brain and I explode. Really, I do. I start crying and can't stop until I fall asleep.

I suppose some would say this is ADD, or some crazy form of manic depression, some might say I'm just crazy. I don't know what it is, but I've been dealing with it sufficiently enough for the last 27 years. But lately, this has been happening more often. I can't say that it isn't without reason. The holidays are fast approaching, I have a giant move to coordinate, along with the return of my husband after 18 months of living apart. He isn't returning to the skinny wife he left, but a chubbier version, who is ruled by the one-year-old in the family. Work has also been busier. I have been working close to 40 hours per week designing, WHILE tyring to keep the child entertained. That in itself, isn't easy. Right now, we are at about belly-button level on my stress-o-meter. Hopefully by the time we leave for Idaho today, I'll be back down into my knees, even if it is only until Monday.