Monday, June 30, 2008
However, I don't have the bumpity bumpity road at home to lull me to sleep.
So for now, I'm off again. If things go well, we should be back in about 3 weeks.
Just kidding. It just feels like it. Traveling with Little Monster has turned 2 long days of driving into 4 long days of driving and stopping and driving and stopping and driving and stopping. With screaming all the while. And a bit of Pocoyo between the screaming sessions.
I promise I'll be back soon. I've missed you my friends!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
There is something nostalgic about traveling in Nebraska on the interstate. I don't know if was the scenery: the flat, wide open landscape dotted with the occasional silo or farm house, the wheat, corn and hay fields as far as the eye can see, the blue sky filled with clouds on their way to becoming thunderstorms that makes me that way. Maybe it's the tummy full of all of the Runza goodness. Or maybe still it's the combination of the two that make me feel that way.
Whatever it is, it makes me think of my childhood. Of summers filled with bicycle rides and swimming. Spending hours at the lake behind a boat, on skis or maybe a tube. I reminisce of sunburned noses, the smell of lake and Coppertone. I think of my childhood friends, those with whom I've lost touch with, wondering what they are up to, hoping that they view their lives as happy and successful. I remember all of the wonderful things about this state. The state that I wanted so badly to leave. It will always be home. So much so that even though we've just gotten here, I'm already a bit sad to leave.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
I call it Cheaper than Rachael Ray Banana Creme Pie. (Cheaper than she is, because she cuts corners wherever she can. And I cut the corners off of corners in this recipe.) This recipe is so cheap that I think Little Monster might be able to make it. He helps me with all but the cream part.
Cheaper than Rachael Ray Banana Creme Pie:
1 pre-made graham cracker crust
1 package of Instant Banana Creme Pudding (two if using my home-made crust, recipe below)
Milk (enough to follow pie directions on Jello Box)
Are you ready for this? I'm not sure you can handle it. Wait a minute. Yes. Yes, you can.
- Open the Pie Crust. Be careful not to cut yourself on either the plastic or the foil.
- Peel the banana. (Whew! Are you sweating yet? I am!)
- Cut the banana into bite sized pieces, and put them in the bottom of the crust.
- Give the rest of the banana bits to your toddler.
- Mix pudding in a bowl, following the PIE directions on the box.
- Pour into pie crust on top of bananas.
- Dump cool whip onto pudding. Or, I use my Pampered Chef, EZ accent decorator and make it look pretty.
- Refrigerate for at least an hour.
That's a lot of steps. I know, but it's okay. You can do this one. The first time I made this pie, my husband came home, and said "Hey? Where did you buy that pie?" When I told him I made it, he assumed it was because we were going to some pot-luck. When he found out I made it just for him, we ate the whole thing. In one sitting. And then we felt sick. But it was sooo good. The second time I made it, he ate the entire pie almost entirely by himself. And swore he'd love me forever if I did nothing but make him that pie. But that time, I made it with my own crust. I would use two boxes of pudding if you use the crust below, though.
Graham Cracker Crust
A bunch of graham crackers
Some sugar (optional)
1 stick of butter or margarine.
- Preheat oven to 350F
- Melt Butter
- put graham crackers in Osterizer blender and blend until they are fine crumbs. You need about 1 3/4 cups
- Put about 1/4 cup sugar in Osterizer (or use about 1/4 cup powdered sugar) and blend with the graham crackers.
- Mix the cracker/sugar mix and melted butter in a bowl until crumbs are wet, then press into a deep dish pie pan in an even layer.
- Bake for 10 minutes, then let cool.
Make the pie using the directions above.
It is good. And it is easy. Because that's how I do things. If it is too hard, or takes too long, I get bored, and things burn. But give me a recipe that looks professional with cheap ingredients and 10 minutes (or less) of work, and I'm ALL about it!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
And I, I'm not ready to try to put that into time-out.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Read this, and write whatever comes to mind.
Disillusionment of Ten O’Clock
by Wallace Stevens
The houses are haunted
By white night-gowns.
None are green,
Or purple with green rings,
Or green with yellow rings,
Or yellow with blue rings.
None of them are strange,
With socks of lace
And beaded ceintures.
People are not going
To dream of baboons and periwinkles.
Only, here and there, an old sailor,
Drunk and asleep in his boots,
In red weather.
- 10 minutes
- Keep to 250 words or less.
- No Pressure
- Tell her about it.
I often romanticize the past. I look back and think, OH what life was like back then. It was so much easier then. I realize that life was actually harder, but were people happier when life was simpler? When you got up with the sun and went to bed with it as well?
I often romanticize those days because I've read some book, some historical fiction. A story about someone famous in history. And I have to remember, that these people had it easy. I would not have been a Lady or a Queen. I would most likely have been a normal, average person. Like I am now.
I would get up before the sun, milk cows and bake bread, hand wash clothing. I would shower once a week, on Saturday night before church. I would probably live in fear of the devil and his diseases. I would be in middle life, with several children.
If I chose a husband with the same career as I have now, I would see him far less than I do now. With only letters for communication. Letters that would often arrive after he would return from sea. If he returned from sea.
I have to remind myself, that life was not easier back then, when the word "widow's walk" was invented. As much as I despise waiting for him to return, at least I'd know if he was going to. There are no evenings walking on my roof, in despair, waiting to see the sails appear over the horizon. There are months and weeks with him gone, as opposed to several years. I have it very good. I am lucky. I must remember that.
The past is better when you look back, but that's because we tend to forget the bad stuff, and remember the good. That's how we function, how we work. That's how we are able to move on, without breaking down.
My husband cleaned the house. And did laundry. And bathed the baby. And put him to bed. In two and a half hours.
I think he's on to me.
Monday, June 16, 2008
So, naturally, I figured I could find the answer on the internets. Because the internets know everything, right?
I haven't found the little screen at the beginning yet. But, what I did find was an apology from the EPA to the citizens of Springfield. On the EPA's website:
And that, my friends, proves that there are, in fact, people in government with a) a sense of humor and b)real people in the government. At least at EPA.
The Simpsons Movie has grossed almost $500m since opening in July. EPA plays an
important role in the plot. Spencer Friedman and Jeffrey Roberson in the Office
of the Chief Financial Officer have sent along the following draft letter for my
signature. I’ve informed them I might sign it -- for a dozen donuts. Mmmm donuts . . . .
Ahoy hoy citizens of Springfield:
I am writing to apologize for the way the city of Springfield was treated during the recent environmental disaster. The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA -- pronounced ee-pee-ay, notee-pah) admits that our reaction might have been, well . . . a little extreme. We always try to err on the side of protection. Nonetheless, in this case we may have gone a bit too far. Maybe.
An internal review has helped identify a few areas where EPA’s efforts could have been improved. First, we have determined that enclosing Springfield in a giant glass dome was counterproductive because it exacerbated local greenhouse effects (although it was very good for Groundskeeper Willie’s thistle). Second, “roving death squads” were not a productive use of the EPA’s helicopter fleet. (Okay, it's one helicopter.) Also, the purchase of 5,000 Humvees to patrol the city might have been an unwarranted use of taxpayer money. (But they were hybrids getting at least forty rods to the hogshead!) Finally, EPA’s response time was unreasonably delayed. We found this was primarily caused by our inability to determine in which state Springfield is located.
Were an environmental disaster of this magnitude to happen again in
Springfield (and under Mayor Quimby’s leadership, it will -- the Mayor couldn’t
lead a monkey to a banana raffle), here are two alternative approaches the EPA
Instead of a glass dome, we might encase the city in some organic or biodegradable material such as Jell-O™. This would be a ‘win-win’ as it would also reduce Springfield’s chronic Jell-O™ surplus.
The EPA could immediately siphon off the polluted water from Lake Springfield and sell it to Duff Brewery. After extensive examination of Duff Beer, often going late into the night, scientists at our Szyslak Laboratory say they are 'pretty sure' that chemicals contained in the lake can neutralize contaminants normally found in a can of Duff Beer.
EPA’s ultimate goal has always been to protect the health and well-being of the citizens and environment of Springfield. We will not fail you again.
US Environmental Protection Agency
Spencer and Jeffrey, thanks for a good laugh . . . now, get back to work.
Oh, and if you have found the EPA disclaimer, let me know. I'll link to it here too.
Mommy Pie won by a landslide! I like the name Schmitty. Schmitty-- Welcome to the family. Now if only the state of California would get off their butts and send me your plates.
Honorable mention from Seeryus Mama. She submitted Velma the Van, which got second place in votes, and Mommy Machine, which won second place in my heart (even though it didn't get ANY votes). Other honerable mentions were Shark, Sally Ride (another of my favorites), Charlotte, Celeste, and Teal Bullet. Not the Momma is a bit upset because "Mini-Blue" didn't win. However, he didn't follow the rules and submit the name to me in the comments, nor did he vote as far as I know.
I have a feeling that Schmitty may end up with Multiple Personality disorder because she's going to be called by different names. I will always call her Schmitty, so long as she does her job in getting me places comfortably, and everything continues to work. If she starts to break down, then she shall be named "piece of crap." Little Monster has dubbed Schmitty "Ca-aaAAH?" some of the time, and at other times, some other word that comes out at such a pitch and decibel that only dogs and those sensitive underground missiles can understand. Not the Momma, will probably call Schmitty "mini-blue." Because he doesn't follow the rules of my blog.
I apologize that this took SO long to announce. I didn't want it to get lost in the madness of 300, or take away from the Happy Crappy Father's Day. Which, got better as the day wore on. Little Monster started behaving, and we quit having things fall apart on us.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
1. I thought Father's Day was next weekend, and had everything planned out so that we would celebrate Father's Day. NEXT weekend.
2. IHOP, Father's choice for breakfast. Booked. Solid. Second Choice was closed. We ate Apple Jacks.
3. Computer - his is crashed. Well, it has spent more time broken since we purchased it than it has running. Dell pretty much says. Sorry. You're screwed because it's a Vista problem, not a computer problem. May I have another?
4. Church - didn't happen. We tried. We got into the car. And then it began. Little Monster began screaming as though the car seat were some form of medieval torture as opposed to, oh, something to keep him safe. He screamed. And yelled. And gnashed teeth. And threw socks. Not the Momma used the phrase "I will stop the car." and then, he had to. We pulled into a parking lot and initiated toddler time out. In a parking lot. Little Monster screamed for a good 2 minutes. Then, he was put back into his car seat, where he sobbed until just before we got to church. Late. We decided we were there too late to go in -- especially for the traditional service, especially the first time we've been there. We'll be back next week.
5. Not the Momma spent the rest of the afternoon changing the oil in his truck, trying to fix his computer, and killing gophers.
Yeah. Father's Day? A flop. Oh, and to our Dad's: I thought Father's Day was NEXT weekend. And since we're due to visit NEXT weekend, I figured I'd hand deliver the cards. Yesterday I realized Father's Day was this weekend. I'm a bad daughter as well as a bad wife. Eh. Next year I'll do better, right?
When we grew up I remember my mom telling me that anyone could be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Daddy. How true is that? My father was never around, and judging by the times that he was, we weren't missing out on much. But my DADDY, I miss him. Every day. My Dad is the person who, even though he didn't meet me until I was a teenager, helped raise me. He taught me to change a tire. He had the patience to teach me how to drive. In the snow. And ice. He is the person who bought my first (and second) car. He is the person who spent hours laboring to fix them and keep them running. My Dad is the person that loaned me money for rent when I moved out and lost my job. My Dad is the person that unloaded an entire POD into his garage, and built a loft for all of my stuff when we lived with him while my husband was in Bahrain. My DAD is the person who said he'd never change a diaper, but did anyway when he met his grandson. My Dad has been there for me since the day he met me. I have no doubt, that he'll be there for me for the rest of his life. That's just the type of person he is.
I know that Not the Momma won't always be around like my Dad was. He won't always be able to be there for Little Monster, because his job will take him away from home more often than he'll be home. But, the difference between an absentee father, and a Daddy, is the desire to be around. Little Monster will not grow up wondering if his Daddy loves him. He will not grow up wondering why his Daddy isn't there for him. Because, even if Not the Momma is in some tin box in the middle of the ocean, Little Monster will know that he's loved. He will know that when Not the Momma gets home, there will be living room wrestling matches, backyard camping trips and Smore's on the grill. He'll know that if he needs a guy to talk to, there will be someone to listen -- even if it is by email. He'll have someone who will have the patience to teach him how to drive. On the ice. And snow. He'll have someone to teach him how to change a tire, ride a bicycle (perhaps even a motorcycle if the XY chromosomes in this household get their way), and play catch with. He will understand that quality time is what is important- not quantity. Little Monster will know, that even if Not the Momma isn't physically around all the time, when he gets on that boat and sails off into the wide blue, he leaves his heart with us.
For all of the DADDY's out there. Happy Father's Day. Always remember that anyone can be a Father, but it take someone special to be a Daddy.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Books I enjoyed and (remember enough to) recommend are in Bold. :) Oh forget it! I was going to do that, but then I went through and realized that 90% of the books were in bold. So, if it's on here. Read it. The one book you need to read is one about our education system. It is hard to find, probably because there are rich people out there that don't want you to read it. It will change your whole perspective of the whole "No Child Left Behind" propaganda: High Stakes: Children, Testing and Failure in American Schools.
2. A Bend in the Road
3. A tale of two cities
4. A Thousand Splendid Suns
5. Alice in Wonderland
6. Amelia Bedelia Series
7. Animal Farm
8. Anna Karenina
9. Anne Frank: Remembered
10. Anne of Green Gables series
11. Behind the Mask
13. Black Boy
14. Cannery Row
15. Canterbury Tales
16. Catcher in the Rye
17. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
18. Charlotte’s Web
19. Chronicles of Narnia, the Series
20. Circle of Friends
21. Cold Mountain
23. Deception Point
24. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
25. Elizabeth: The Struggle for the Throne
27. Farenheit 451
28. Firefly Summer
29. Girl with the Pearl Earring
30. Grapes of Wrath
31. Great Expectations
32. Growing Up Brady
33. Guardian, The
36. High Stakes: Children, Testing and Failure in American Schools
37. Hobbit, The
38. How the Garcia Girls lost their Accent
39. I love you the Purplest
40. Jane Eyre
41. Journey to the Center of the Earth
42. Joy Luck Club
43. Kite Runner
44. Left Behind Series
45. Little Women
46. Louis the Trumpeter Swan
47. Love in the time of Cholera
48. Lovely Bones, The
49. Marley and Me
50. Mary called Magdeline
51. Message in a Bottle
52. My Antonia
53. My Sister the Moon
54. Name all the Animals
55. Notebook, The
56. Number the Stars
57. Oliver Twist
58. Our Lady of the Lost and Found
61. Practical Magic
62. Pride and Prejudice
63. Ramona Series
65. Scarlet Letter
66. Schindler's List
67. Sense and Sensibility
68. Snow falling on Cedars
69. Stuart Little
71. Tara Road
72. The Adventures of Huck Finn
73. The Amateur Marriage
74. The Autobiography of Malcom X
75. The babysitter’s club series
76. The Bluest Eye
77. The Constant Princess
78. The Diary of Anne Frank
79. The Glass Elevator
80. The Hummingbird’s Daughter
81. The Jungle
82. The Memory Keeper's Daughter
83. The Other Boleyn Girl
84. The Queen’s Fool
85. The Red Pony
86. The Red Tent
87. The Secret Life of Bees
88. The Straw Men
89. The upright Man
90. The Wizard of Oz
91. Their Eyes were Watching God
92. Through the Looking Glass
93. To Kill a Mockingbird
95. Walk to Remember, A
96. War of the Worlds
97. We Were the Mulvaneys
98. Wedding, The
99. Nights in Rodanthe
100. White Oleander
Books I’ve started or meant to, but haven’t finished:
Michelangelo and the Pope’s Ceiling
1. Sala’s Gift
2. The Pillars of the Earth
3. The Birth of Venus
4. The Case for Christ
5. Guns, Germs and Steel
6. The Hazards of Good Breeding
7. Poisonwood Bible
8. The Last Crossing
10. (Last but most definitely not least) The Bible.
1. My second and third toes are slightly webbed.
2. I don’t care about the fact that my toes are webbed.
3. In fact, I think they’re cute – they look kinda like a baby butt if you look at them in the right angle.
4. I eat a handful of dark chocolate M&Ms almost every day.
5. I don’t drink alcohol nearly as much as I probably should.
6. My favorite alcoholic drink is a Colorado Bulldog.
7. I named my son after his grandfathers.
8. And my favorite song.
9. And Wolverine
10. And several other people. But If I told you who they were, you’d know his name, and that would defeat the purpose of not calling him that name here.
11. I keep our identities secret because I don’t want anything I rant about to kill my husband’s career.
12. Because I seriously believe that the military can’t find this page, and figure out who we are. (HA!)
13. I miss my Passat TDI.
14. My favorite color is Red.
15. I wear some shade of red polish on my toenails 90% of the time.
16. I. LOVE. HEAT.
17. I know how to waterski.
18. I was the Nebraska State Champion for waterskiing when I was 15.
19. I was the only person in my class to compete. It was a gimme.
20. My parents are BIG into waterskiing.
21. My dad is skiing in the regionals this year, and hopefully will be qualified to compete at Nationals.
22. Not the Momma says I snore.
23. I’m a full 14 inches shorter than Not the Momma.
24. I’m a prude.
25. I have a headache that feels like my head is in a vice.
26. Not the Momma says that headache has been around since Feb 2006.
27. I like taking pictures
28. I’m not terribly good at it.
29. I sang in my high school’s cutesy girl group my senior year.
30. I don’t like to eat Macaroni and Cheese for every meal, unlike my husband.
31. I don’t like to eat Pizza for every meal, unlike my husband.
32. I like to cook, but I hate to clean up the dishes.
33. I like a clean house, but I hate to clean it.
34. I really like dark chocolate M&Ms.
35. I don’t shower every day.
36. I enjoy watching the History Channel.
37. I read mostly historical fiction
38. I love the smell of Coppertone
39. I make a killer pumpkin pie
40. And a killer banana crème pie
41. I feel guilty when raunchy humor makes me laugh
42. I get cold sores when I get stressed.
43. I get cold sores when I get sunburned.
44. I get cold sores if I eat acidic veggies/fruits and I have a cut on my lip.
45. I hate them
46. I love bananas
47. I love banana crème pie.
48. My mom and I have a very close relationship.
49. My husband doesn’t care if I get fat.
50. As long as I keep making him banana crème pies.
51. My child has the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen
52. My husband had the bluest eyes I’d ever seen until my son was born.
53. I’m terribly terrified of paper cuts in the eyeball – mine or anyone else’s.
54. My hair is curly.
55. Well, wavy really.
56. I didn’t know that until I was almost 24.
57. My favorite socks are from Old Navy.
58. I’m horrified when I think South Park is Funny.
59. Very. Very. Horrified.
60. I often think South Park is funny.
61. The best movie ever is The Princess Bride.
62. My entire wedding party went to see Signs the day before we got married.
63. During the wedding, my whole wedding party ditched me for some a/c and Maximum Exposure.
64. I LOVE me some Maximum Exposure.
65. We’ve each been married twice.
66. To each other.
67. I like riding motorcycles.
68. I’m terrified to drive one.
69. I stole numbers 14 through 50 on my “I learned” list from a previous post.
70. My pinky toe hides under my fourth toe.
71. It always has.
72. I always remember everything I’ve forgotten during the day, right before I fall asleep.
73. I forget it again overnight.
74. I cannot stand to breathe recycled air. (Air someone has already breathed.)
75. I cannot stand to have a fan blowing on me.
76. It makes my hair tickle me and drives me nuts.
77. I worked at Dairy Queen throughout high school.
78. In high school my diet consisted of: Mt. Dew, bagels with plain cream cheese, Nutty Bars, and Dairy Queen.
79. Believe it or not, I did not gain 300 pounds in high school.
80. I wish I had my metabolism from high school back.
81. My favorite socks are from Old Navy.
82. I’m paranoid that people talk about me behind my back.
83. I hate moving.
84. I hate doctors and most things medical.
85. I miss reading books.
86. I try to play off that I’m outgoing.
87. Sometimes I think I’m not.
88. I feel guilty about way too many things.
89. I wish I was better at photography.
90. I don’t have a college degree.
91. I think I’m smarter than a lot of people I met that do.
92. Sometimes I don’t know what to do all day with my son.
93. Other days I have so much that I want to do, we can’t get it all done.
94. Swimming is my absolute favorite form of exercise and relaxation
95. I love a good pedicure (with red polish, of course.)
96. When I was little I wanted the veins on my hand to pop out. (gross, huh?)
97. I prefer to walk around barefoot.
98. I used to hate flip flops, but have come to appreciate a good comfy pair.
99. I graduated from high school 10 years ago.
100. My son came home from the hospital – dressed as a beaver. He was born on Oct 30.
Friday, June 13, 2008
I thought this was a fun way to describe "me" without words. Here's how it works:
You go to Flickr, and use the answer for each of the questions below for a search term. You can use one of pictures on the first page, and make a mosaic using this tool. You pretty much have to have a flickr account (I think, I didn't look too much) for it to work, but who doesn't have a flickr account? At any rate. Here folks, is me in pictures:
Whattaya think? Maybe you should give it a try!
**What's that you say? What am I supposed to search for?
OOOh, okay. I'm putting the questions here, and then in parenthesis what my answer was. Or soemthing close to it.)
1. What is your First name? (Mary)
2. What is your favorite food? (Runza)
3. Where did you graduate from High School?
4. What is your favorite color? (Red)
5. A celebrity Crush? (Brad Paisley)
6. Your favorite alcoholic drink (colorado bulldog)
7. What would be the idea of a perfect vacation (cruise)
8. What is your favorite dessert? (cheesecake)
9. What do you want to be when you grow up (teacher)
10. What makes life worth while (babies)
11. What is one of your character traits? (optimism)
12. Your flickr name (Mary Momma)
Some of the questions aren't exactly right, but that is how i came up with the pictures. You have to use a picture on the FIRST page of the results. :) Have fun, and let me know in the comments if you did it. Leave a link so others can find you!
2. Writing is harder than you think
3. There are lots of people out there who are interesting.
4. There are lots of people out there who think they are interesting – but aren’t.
5. A 19 month old can knock over a picture, and have the sense to set it back the way it was.
6. Patrick Warburton is in every cartoon flick ever made.
7. If he isn’t John Ratzenberger is.
8. It takes a REALLY LONG time to come up with 100 things I’ve learned.
9. It also takes a REALLY LONG TIME to come up with 100 weird things about me.
10. Did I mention how long it takes to think up 100 books?
11. My husband is capable of taking care of an infant, and a toddler.
12. We’re not sure if he can do both at the same time.
14. Childbirth isn't as scary as you think it is. Parenting, however is a different story.
15. A woman’s nipple can stretch 14 feet when a nursing baby turns his head to see what the answer is to Final Jeopardy.
16. A person can survive, albeit not well, on 2 hours of sleep per night for several months at a time.
17. Breastfeeding is natural, but doesn’t always come naturally.
18. A person can survive on 20 minutes of sleep at a time for approximately 5 days before going completely insane.
19. Have a girl. The clothing manufacturers have deemed that boys do not need clothing.
20. Babies can go from giggles to gut-wrenching, ear-bleeding screams in less than one nanosecond.
21. Baby fingernails grow at the rate of one foot per hour.
22. A baby’s 9 inch arm can stretch to 10 feet.
23. Babies can throw better than I can.
24. Being a parent is the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done, but has more rewards than anything I’ve ever done.
25. Change diaper sizes when your child reaches the MINIMUM weight on the next size up.
26. While they seem small, babies can simultaneously hold enough poop to clog a toilet and enough vomit to fill a 5 gallon bucket.
27. The only night in three months that you eat in the living room, baby will vomit all over your nice fluffy couch.
28. Baby vomit is hard to get out of couches.
29. Baby vomit smell never goes away.
30. Toys are for losers. Babies instead like to play with boxes, envelopes, cell phones, remote controls, keys, and cups. Don’t buy toys.
31. Baby cereal can be used as hairspray, superglue, or cement.
32. It’s stupid to travel with baby. You should just plan on moving where you want to visit. You’ll have to bring enough stuff to fill a 4 bedroom house anyway.
33. Before babies there are 365 days in a year.
34. After, that number is reduced to 12.
35. Babies produce enough ear wax in a week to wax a gymnasium floor.
36. Fetch: It’s not just for dogs anymore!
37. Legos, blocks and toys with sharp pointy corners have the ability to transport to alternate dimensions during the day so you can’t find them when you clean.
38. They return to this dimension after you’ve gone to sleep. They return in the middle of the path you take as you stumble to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
39. Stepping on a sharp toy in the middle of the night can cause you to pee your pants.
40. Even the best sleepers will wake up when mom starts screaming out profanity in the middle of the night because a sharp pointy toy has found the bottom of her foot on the way to the bathroom, causing her to pee her pants.
41. Go to the bathroom BEFORE you change any diapers or begin feeding/nursing, etc. It will make the experience better for all.
42. Just because it is legal to put your nearly one year old son on your lap for the flight, doesn’t mean you should.
43. Children who are used to running around all day do not do well being HELD DOWN on a plane for several hours.
44. Raisins are NOT a good airline snack.
45. Raisins look the same going out as they do coming in.
46. Be careful when removing clothing after a raisin poo. Otherwise, you’ll end up with raisins EVERYWHERE..
47. It’s not fun to clean up pre-digested raisins.
48. Giant stuffed animals make great friends, but even better wrestling buddies.
49. “No” hurts worse than a chipped tooth.
50. A smile at the right time, followed by a hug can cost you 2.900 Bahraini Dinar. And it’s totally worth it. Because every time he sees that goofy stuffed dog a smile erupts all over his face.
51. Multitasking is a bit harder after you have kids.
52. Shoes are dangerous weapons.
53. Especially when thrown from the back seat of a small car.
54. They are only slightly less dangerous from the back of a minivan.
55. No matter what vehicle we buy, the gas type for the vehicle goes up 50 cents two days later.
56. CDs double as Frisbees if you’re 19 months old.
57. A 19 month old knows a lot more than I think they do.
58. Rolling down a grassy hill isn’t as fun when you’re an adult.
59. Rolling down a grassy hill will make you itch for hours afterward.
60. Always, Always Always back up the blog before you make major changes.
61. Kids like to eat sand by the handful.
62. Changing a diaper after sand has been eaten –not fun for anyone involved.
63. Silence is golden – unless you have kids. Then it’s downright dangerous.
64. Silence followed by a splash sound usually means the bathroom door was open, and the toilet lid was up.
65. “Uh-Oh” is probably the cutest thing ever uttered by a toddler.
66. Until you find out what the “uh-oh” was about.
67. Unbeatable Banzuke is highly addictive.
68. As is Ninja Warrior.
69. Movies marketed towards kids aren’t always written for kids.
70. Your opinion of movies completely changes when your child is watching them.
71. Happy Feet: Not for kids.
72. When your son covers his eyes to keep from seeing a killer whale eat a penguin, it can break your heart.
73. Natural childbirth isn’t has bad as everyone fears it is.
74. It’s mind over matter.
75. Until your water breaks.
76. Bath crayons don’t always come off of the walls without soft scrub.
77. Sleep is one of the most wonderful things in the world.
78. California is not all sunshine and beaches.
79. It’s against to law to spank a child under three in California.
80. Finding a church in California is extremely difficult.
81. Rich people can be jerks.
82. Especially when you’re driving through their neighborhood to get to the beach.
83. And they don’t want to follow traffic signals.
84. Sand will appear in places you didn’t know existed after a beach visit.
85. Sand Angels are more fun to make as snow angels, because it’s warm.
86. Minivans aren’t as lame as I thought they were.
87. I tell myself lies to convince myself that minivans aren’t lame.
88. Fold Flat Storage rocks.
89. The Fog sucks.
90. Unless you’re talking about KFOG out of San Fran.
91. KFOG out of San Fran is the BEST. RADIO. STATION. EVER.
92. It hurts when you step on carpet tacks.
93. When editing the code for a page “;” is the most important thing you need to remember.
94. Preview is a wonderful, wonderful thing.
95. Friends “in real life” who read your blog comment less than people you’ve never met. (with a few exceptions).
96. People on the West Coast aren’t nearly as friendly as people on the East Coast.
97. Arnold doesn’t take a salary for his work as Governor of CA
98. Barney may be annoying, but kids like him. Because he sings lots of songs.
99. 18 months is too young to try to potty train a boy.
100. Add 3 hours to how long it took you to get ready before kids. That’s how long it takes to get ready now.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Welcome! Do you like the new digs? I know, I’ve been missing for a couple of days. Has it been days? I decided for my 300th post, I would do a few things.
First, I actually got around to re-doing the header. It was an April/May (rain into flowers), and it’s well into June. It’s time that changed, huh? I’m still working on finding a template that I like. You know, one that just shouts “MARY’S PAGE!” without actually shouting it – I wouldn’t want people to fall out of their chairs at work because their speakers were turned up too loud. No one needs to lose their job because of my blog. I don’t want the lawsuit.
Second, I re-arranged some of widgets so that the slower loading ones are on the right, so you can get to reading right away. I’m sorry if you’ve been having trouble. My husband said something about it taking a while to load the other day. I hadn’t noticed.
And third, I’m going to do three lists: 100 things you may or may not know about me. 100 things I’ve learned since I started this blog, and 100 books I’ve read –and enjoyed in my lifetime. I’ve started them, and they are quite the undertaking. I’ll be posting them in the next three days as I finish up the lists. I figure 300 posts, I get three days to do three “100 things” lists, right?
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
What the heck does that mean? If I had to look back it probably meant that I was loud, and tried to win friendships by being funny. I wasn't funny. I was just loud. Oh, but I tried. I think what my teachers saw was my attempt at being funny pretty much never hurt anyone. I wasn't one of the kids that would belittle others to get a laugh. Nope, not me. I would feel too guilty.
In fact, to this day, I still feel guilty about one of the few times I made a joke at someone else's expense:
I was in kindergarten. And I had a boyfriend: Jermy. His name was really Jeremy, but I called him Jermy. He didn't know (or didn't care) that it sounded like 'germy.' He loved me, and I loved him. We were going to get married. That is of course, if Michael Jackson wasn't available. Hey! I was five. And I loved him. He wasn't as weird back then. It was still the 80's people. Thriller! He was cool!
Where was I?
Oh. Yeah. Jermy. Jermy and I were in love. Madly in love. So much in love, that the teacher couldn't put us both at the yellow table because we would sit and giggle and make eyes at each other.
We both lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same bus stop.
One cold winter morning a bunch of older kids (they were so much older, they were probably in 4th grade) were picking on Jermy. Saying mean things, and teasing him. They were using 'peer pressure' to get everyone else at the bus stop involved too. There weren't any adults around to stop the bullying because this was back in the day when it was safe to send your 5 year old to the bus stop without worrying that some freak was going to run off with them. I think we were smarter kids back then too. We were told not to get into a car with strangers unless they said "purple cow" and we listened to that advice. Pretty soon all the kids at the bus stop were being mean to him. Including me. The other kids had pressured me into calling him a "sissy girl."
I will never forget the look of pain in his eyes when I called him those names. Or the pain that I felt when he punched me in the eye immediately after. That morning at circle time, I told our entire class that he had punched me, giving the whole incident a 'double whammy.' Jermy wasn't in the classroom during circle time, though. I don't remember why. I think he may have had ADD or something and was busy with his mentor at that time. I remember the hot feeling I got in my ears as my face flushed red when I told the story to my class, because I wasn't really telling the whole story. I wasn't telling anyone that I had called him a 'sissy girl' before he hit me. I wasn't telling anyone that he was being bullied, and the one person he looked to for help turned on him, joining the crowd.
I don't remember seeing much of Jeremy after that, but then, we were five. And kindergarten ended and we moved. But, sometimes, I wonder what Jermy is doing. I wonder if he remembers that day when the person he loved most, besides his family, turned on him. I wonder if he's forgiven me. I'm still not sure I've completely forgiven myself. I look back now and realize that yes, I was only five, and yes, I didn't really know better. But, I really did. I remember feeling guilty, even while I was doing it. That guilt, that is the sign of knowing better. I wish I could apologize to Jeremy for turning on him, for giving into peer pressure and being so nasty when he really needed his best friend in the whole world to stand by him and love him.
I've written about this before, but I'm writing about it again because that moment was one of those - probably the first -character building moments in my life. I used that moment as I grew up as a gauge. I still do. I don't ever want to cause that kind of pain to grow in someones eyes again. I think it was that moment that made me into what my fourth grade teachers deemed a 'leader.' I was always trying to get a laugh out of my peers, but I would try hard not to stoop to being mean to get that laugh. Those laughs, they weren't worth it.
What was your first character building moment?
*You know I had to mention food somewhere, right?
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
What was I doing 10 years ago?
Would it be bad if I said I couldn't remember what I was doing during the summer 10 years ago? I had just graduated from high school. So, I was probably being stupid. I imagine I was hanging out with friends, running about town, and working while getting ready to start community college in the fall. I was feeling the 'pressure' of being an 'adult.'
Pardon me while I pause. I just laughed so hard I nearly wet myself.
5 things on my to do list today:
1. Get off the computer
2. Clean the house
3. Win the lottery so we can afford to drive to Nebraska this summer. (we're going anyway).
4. Get self and child dressed. In clothing.
5. Get OFF of the COMPUTER!
Snacks I enjoy: Chocolate. As long as it isn't the Costco ice cream novelty chocolate. Then, chocolate. You can pretty much go back through my last 5 posts, and have this question answered. I seem to be writing more about food than anything else.
Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
This is a toughie. I would give a lot of it away. A. LOT. I would find churches and charities, and give them all kinds of things. Like Bosom Buddies. I would buy them a couple hundred grand in baby clothes. Because I love what she does. (She is doula in South Africa). I'd make friends with Warren Buffet and Bill and Linda Gates and try to convince them that we should get all of the rich people together and fix our health care system.
But I'd also have a super snazzy Mustang, and a big house somewhere beautiful, with lots of people to help me clean it -- all paid well.
Places I have lived:
Wow. Seriously? You ask a Navy wife this? Good thing I've only been married 6 years! Let's see: We started out Married in Lincoln, NE. Then, we moved to Newport, RI. Moved to Virginia Beach, VA. Back to Lincoln, NE. Not the Momma lived in Bahrain at that time, and we visited twice, for a month at a time, so I guess we 'lived' there too. Now we're in California. For another year or so. Then, who knows where? But that won't be the last place we live either.
People I'm tagging. Hmmm. I'm not very good at tagging people, because I'm afraid no one will do it. Usually I cop out at this point, and tag everyone. But, let's see.
I'm tagging: Ashlee because she loves me the mostest, Marmite Breath because who doesn't love marmite and because she's moving where I once lived! yeah!, and Vanessa because she needs to pretend to have graduated from our high school and crash the reunion this summer!
If you want to participate, you can too! I don't want anyone to feel left out.
Rules: As always 10 minutes or less, 250 words, have fun, and don't forget to tell San Diego Momma about it when you're done. Got it. Oh yeah, and have fun.
We spent nearly every weekend of the summers at that lake with my parents. I miss it now, and wish I had spent more time enjoying it and less time whining.
We drove down to the lake in Kansas in my Dad’s big blue van. It was a full sized van with a middle bench seat, and in the back was a bed instead of seats. We used it for camping too. We’d load the van when everyone got home from school and work, hook up the boat, and head on out.
We’d spend hours waterskiing, swimming and just being kids. Even my parents were kids then. Sometimes I just close my eyes and try to remember everything about that place: Rope swinging into the lake. limestone rocks. Giant lightning bolt that landing in the front yard, scaring everyone until we giggled. Coming inside when it started raining, being cold from being rain-soaked, but not caring. the smell of dust, must, and sunscreen. sticking to the vinyl couch.
Sundays we’d pack everything back up and drive home. On the way home, we’d stop and get burgers in a small town at the local Dairy Queen-ish restaurant. We’d get hamburgers with condiments put on in the shape of a smiley face for dinner, and ice cream for the ride home. It was always a peanut butter cup mix-in.
When I was 14 I was bored by those weekends? Now I want go back and live in one of them? My, oh my, how time changes things.
Monday, June 09, 2008
WHAT SHOULD I DO? I'm beginning to panic a little. I don't normally pay attention to stuff like that, but for some reason 300 seems like a really big number. 300!
I could do the 100 things about me meme. I'd love to do some crazy $300 giveaway, but I don't have the cash. I spent the giveaway money on a tank of diesel in the truck so we can visit family this summer. I'm not kidding (but I wish I was).
So. What should I do? I also have to consider that this blog will turn two years old this July. Lots of milestones going on around here.
Send me your ideas. Because Doogs, I'm drawing blanks over here!
Not the Momma was really bothered by the jerk husband, Earl in the movie. He was still talking about it today at dinner. Rarely does something like that bother him for so long. Seriously, by the end of the movie, Not the Momma was reeling, and ready to jump in the TV and just kill the guy. So, be aware that there is some serious jerk-age going on in the movie.
Lines that Not the Momma did not believe actually came out of that man's mouth:
Jenna: I feel about as sexy as a tree stump.
Earl: Honey, you were never sexy.
Earl: Treat me like a MAN.
The fact that Earl had to honk his horn as he arrived ANYWHERE, and expected Jenna to jump into the car the very second he arrived.
Earl: "And the answer to that, of course is NO."
Earl: "Just promise me you won't love that baby more than me, okay?"
Earl: Say something sexy. Jenna: What do you want me to say? Earl: (finishes)
Earl: Hey Porky, come on! (while trying to initiate interc0urse)
Earl: I love you, even if you are fat.
The list really goes on from there. And I'm leaving several things off the list in case you haven't seen the movie. But, even though we totally despised Earl we have jokingly started using some of his lines. I mean, who doesn't want to be treated like a man? I have told Not the Momma to treat me like a man at least twice today. I'm just waiting for later tonight when he tries to get frisky and calls me "porky." That should be funny.
We also watched the movie Spartans this weekend. Not worth the money. I can give you the one funny line from the movie (and will). It was a "scary movie" type of movie. And the one line that we thought was funny was a Yo-Momma joke. "Yo momma's so hairy, the only language she can speak is Wookie." There ya have it. NO need to waste money on that movie now!
(Did you notice that I didn't bring up fattening, sugary, yummy, not-good-for-you food in this post? I'm so proud of myself!)
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Number of times Not the Momma got very angry at jerk husband: 60
Number of times Not the Momma got angry at woman for staying with jerk husband: 65
Number of times Not the Momma tried to stop the movie: 5
Number of times I cried during the movie: Once, maybe twice.
We watched the movie "Waitress" last night after I read about it on The Mom Crowd. It was a good movie, but Not the Momma really got upset a few time.. He just didn't understand why any woman would stay with such a jerk.
It was a good movie, but I may have to ban it in the household because of the gratuitous pie scenes. SO! MANY! PIES!
It didn't help me at all. All I wanted to do was make pie after the movie was over. Oh, that and hug my husband for not being a domineering controlling jerk. And hug my baby. Because he is ever so sweet.
Friday, June 06, 2008
This wasn't meant to be a post where I whine about my sinuses being clogged, my aching head or my pure exhaustion. This is meant to be a post about the things that made me smile today, despite the fact that I'm dying of yet another California Head Cold.
1. The Ball Fairy stopped by and left a big blue ball in our front yard. I went out to find the child it belonged to, but the neighborhood was like a ghost town. We talked about picking it up (we did, eventually) and then posting signs on all the doors in the neighborhood stating "we have your ball." We didn't do that last part.
2. When I went out to investigate (read: photograph) the ball, Kleenex escaped. She ran across the street. Not the Momma chased her and had her, but she got scared of him (I would be scared too if he was chasing me), and snapped. When she realized that she'd misbehaved, and was probably going to be in trouble, she ran again. Only this time, she didn't run away. She hightailed it for the front door. She knew her only hope was getting inside, and running straight into her room. That made me laugh, because I've not seen her run that fast in a loooong time. It doesn't sound funny now, but it was hilarious.
3. Little Monster's new fashion statement:
He's pretty proud of his accomplishment.
4. Remembering that just removing the Tylenol Cold from the box will not ease the symptoms. You actually have to take them out of the foil and ingest them.
5. Little Monster's all ready to go!
6.Cold Stone Creamery's Peanut Butter Perfection, made with Vanilla Ice Cream. In a freshly made waffle bowl. So fresh, I watched her make it fresh. It melted my ice cream because it was hot, fresh. For about 10 minutes, I thought I was cured of my cold. But, I wasn't.
Does anyone have the slightest idea why all of my baby weight came back? Me neither.
The Friday Fun part: What did you do today that made you smile? There had to be something. Even if it was a bad day. Tell me about it.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Perhaps this is the reason why I haven't been able to get any pounds off. And the reason why I look 3 months pregnant, even though, much to my dismay, I'm the furthest thing from pregnant.
Are you ready?
Are you sure?
Introducing: Simply Dipped. With fudge inside.
Wow? I think something is wrong with me. First there was the fast food blog, now this. I don't mean to advertise things for free, but people, you really need to try these. Perhaps I'm way behind on these, but they are GOOD. And I might just need to have one more. Because the sooner I get rid of them, the faster they are gone, right? Then I won't eat them. Maybe I should buy the ones from Costco instead. I don't like them. So I won't eat them. Problem solved.
I certainly hope no one walked by and saw me, stink lines from my armpits because I didn't shower, bra-less because I didn't get dressed, still in my pajamas, house a mess, riding this:
Next thing you know, I'll be sitting in the exersaucer drooling and making the apple play peek-a-boo with me.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Yes, I was tempted to take it another way. I had a really hard time not turning it into something, well, X rated. Is that bad that my mind immediately saw the combination of hearth and missile, and went straight to "bow-chicka wow wow?" I'm sure Not the Momma would be proud. (Naomi, you are not alone!)
No, that is NOT how Not the Momma proposed. He was sooooo much more romantic. (ha)
He had been dropping hints left and right that he was going to. We were so happy. It was kind of disgusting, really. Well, I had been wanting to watch some History Channel thing on the Garden of Eden and where it might or might not be today, etc. So, I'm in my room of my apartment, while he's in the Living Room watching something completely different. About 30 minutes into my show:
"Mary, uh. We need to talk. (long pause) Not now! When you're show is over."
Because he loves me and wanted to make sure I got to watch the rest of my show. The last 30 minutes he wouldn't talk to me, and I was unable to concentrate on the show. The only thing going through my mind was that he was about ready to break up with me. I was terrified. Here I had thought I was getting ready to build a life with this guy, and he was going to dump me, and move to some far off land for the Navy. 30 minutes of PURE. TERROR. (So much terror and stress, in fact, that I got a cold sore from it. Nice, huh?)
After the show, I went out to join him on the couch in the living room. "So, you wanted to talk?"
NTM: "Oh, yeah, what are you wearing to Church on Sunday?"
Me: (almost yelling) "That is NOT what you wanted to talk about! No way did you come in there and tell me that you "needed to talk" and you're asking me what (insert expletive) church I'm going to wear on Sunday!"
NTM: "Seriously. Yes. That is what I wanted to talk about. What are you wearing to Church on Sunday?"
Me: "NTM. Stop. It. Tell me what you wanted to talk about because you don't just use the words "we need to talk" and discuss what I'm going to wear to Church!"
(The guy seriously kills me!)
NTM: "Well, I was just wondering what you were going to wear. Because well, um. I figure I've got 20 years left on earth, and I'd like to spend them with you."
It was about at that point that I realized what was going on. He went on about how he didn't actually have the ring. His sister was holding it for him (because the MORON --love you honey! --had hidden it in his truck). He was worried I'd say no if he didn't actually produce a ring right there, but duh, I didn't care. We were engaged.
Now, isn't that romantic? Oh, he wanted to give me the ring in a special way, too, so he wouldn't let me see it at first. Want to know where he hid it? The dirty laundry. Smart, smart man. Who needs a hearth and a missile and a limousine, when you can have "The Talk?"
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Technical stuff you need to know:
Rules: 10 minutes or less, 250 words or less, no pressure. Have Fun!
This week's prompt: First sentence for your story: “Dear Diary,”
Setting: In a limousine
Two words you must include while writing:
Yesterday was the most amazing day. I cannot believe I'm married. Here I sit, in the limousine, on our way back to the apartment. The reception was such a blast! My husband (it feels weird to call him that) is slightly annoyed that I am writing now, but I had to get these words out while the memories are still fresh. There are a few things, I want to remember.
I want to remember the cork from the champagne toast, that took off like a missile, narrowly missing crazy Aunt Lena's glass eye. It hit her in the forehead, but she was already drunk and didn't mind. It's a good thing she was as far away as she was (about 3 tables away), or she may not have been so jovial about the whole thing.
I want to remember the fun we all had, dancing and singing. Watching my family members let go of their conservative selves for just one night. Dancing, drinking, and having a great time. We probably won’t ever see people dance like that again – mostly because we’ll never buy that much booze for that many people, but a good time was had anyway.
Mostly, I want to remember how he proposed. One year ago today, we went to San Fransisco. We were on a budget, so I was expecting a regular room, but I was in for a surprise. The room was gorgeous. It was a suite with a view of The City over the bay. When I opened the door, there was a path of rose petals leading to the fireplace. On the hearth, was a bottle of champagne and two glasses. In my glass, was the ring.
I'm dying laughing over here. That was toooootally cheesy. But, that's how I end up when I try to write fiction. It's also how you know that my posts are the truth! :) All of you NCLM newcomers, you should try out the whole PrompTuesday thing. It's been fun for me! (Oh, and I totally followed the rules this time. Well, except that I'm about 30 words over. But eh, I had to fit in 'hearth!')
Monday, June 02, 2008
Here is a rough blueprint of her work, and some photos. I've taken the time to point out the improvments she's already made.
The beginnings of the swimming pool:
This one is difficult to see, because I've filled in part of her work. The grass will most certainly die over time, making the sink hole stand out more.
She's tired now. It's time for a break.