Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Oh, Brother.

Little Monster has positively got to be the best big brother in the entire world.

This morning I tried to catch up on some missed sleep. It didn't work entirely too well, but I don't miss the zzz's. I got to witness the sweetest thing ever.

Hi butterball. me wight here. Mommy, she waffing at me. Butterball. me hold yours hand. one two fwee four five. fwee four five turtles on yours jammas. tickle tickle, butterball. hee hee hee, you tickle me! ha ha.. You got mine shirt! ha ha!! (butterball giggles) Butterball waffing mommy! Butterball, you sweet. I wuv you. I wuv you too. Wook butterball. here yours wegs. you wook at yours body? at yours belly? ha ha. wook at yours turtles jammies. me here butterball. hi! hi! yours brudder wight here. You want pway wif baby toys? Me share wif you. Me got you. me got you. (gives her a hug) i wuv you too butterball.

For about thirty minutes, Little Monster, without prompting, played cooed and laughed with his sister. It was some of the best non-sleep I've ever gotten.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Make Me Laugh

Things Little Monster has done that have nearly brought me to tears:

Daddy "Go bug Mommy."

LM "No. I bug Daddy."

Mommy "Okay, it's time to say our prayers."

LM (loud breathing like Darth Vader) "Luke, I am your Father. Amen."

While eating out at a restaurant, Little Monster was misbehaving. Daddy told him to behave and stared him down. Little Monster's response was to open his eyes wide and stare back.

We told him we were going to visit our friends G & J last Thursday. He asked once per hour for the next four days if we were going to visit G & J.

Dad: Let's go to twore. Me want go to target. me get stickers, OOOOKAAAAAY?

LM: No daddy. go in my car.

Dad: okay let's go.

LM: NO WAY! door slam

LM (to mommy) mommy. Daddy and popcorn and movie and night-night and green bike. no bye-bye.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sunday Sorrows.

My son ate three pieces of pizza tonight. And a brownie. The child used to skip dinner every night.

My daughter is exhibiting signs of jealousy. She whines when her brother plays near her and she can't join in.

They grow up fast.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Music Mania

Little Monster has all of a sudden taken to actually listening to what's on the radio in the car while we drive.
I didn't think it was such a big deal. I love it when we're listening to Derks Bently and the kid starts belting out "sideways! hey! hey!" or if we're listening to Christian music, it's fine for him to sing along.

The problem comes in when I listen to my Lithium station (Alternative rock from the 90s) or when Daddy listens to his rock station (Octane).

On regular radio they blurp out the bad words. On satellite radio, not so much. And although it is hilarious to hear a 2 year old sing the lyrics to the George Michael song "Faith," I was unaware that the Limp Bizkit version took an already X-rated song to a new level.

It isn't so funny when he starts singing along to the limp bizkit version. I am very grateful that to Little Monster, they were just 'sounds' as opposed to telling someone to be quiet in a very rude way. No matter what, I still love hearing that kid sing "brass monkey."

Friday, September 25, 2009

More Monster Talk

I'm sure you're all going to get tired of these little anecdotes. But I think they're hilarious. I've started carrying a notebook around with me to record all of the silly things that he says. And let's face is. This is my blog, in essence, my memoirs. And these are the things that I want to remember.

Trying to get Butterball to talk:

NTM: Da Da

Me: Ma Ma

NTM: DA da da da da da da

Me: Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma

Little Monster: Little Monster, Little Monster, Little Monster, Little Monster, Little Monster.
(of course he was using his name, but still, it was hilarious.)

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Monster Talk

Where is da mommy store?

I don't know. Why do you want to go to the mommy store. Do you need a new one?

Yes. Mine udder one is bwokeen.

On a Saturday Morning drive along the beach:

We stop and pway on wocks? Tweeeeeeeeeeeese Daddy! Me want wook at da fishies. Dey my FAAAAAAAAVOWIT!

Not the Momma and I were laughing and having a discussion in the front of the car.

Top Woud talking! SHHH!! Butterball sweeping!!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Weather Woes.

I live in a land of eternal cool and fog. 60 to 65 degrees is great. Wonderful even. Especially between November and March. I so much prefer that to bitter cold that sucks the breath out of you. However, from June through August it's supposed to be HOT. I was fine with the temperature (for the most part) this summer, because I knew that in September and October, we'd be in for some good weather. And good weather we were promised. This week!

The forecast was for 85 degrees (even on the coast!) on Monday, and temps in the 90s for the rest of the week.

The actual temperatures have been lucky to get above 60. And the fog. There was no mention of fog in the forecast. This isn't any regular fog either. This is fog reminiscent of the "mist." I'm afraid to go out into the world for fear that some crazy military experiment bugs are going to eat me. You can barely see across the street.

The fact that the weather guessers changed their graphics to include temperatures that DARE rise above the 60s had me very optimistic. I went out and bought Tank tops. And skirts. And planned to paint my toenails by the pool all week. I got all of my chores done during the crappy weather this weekend so that I would be able to enjoy the weather with my kids. I am craving the smell of sweaty little boy mixed with Coppertone and sunned skin. I had hoped to get it this week. Instead, the air feels crisp. Cool, like autumn. Except how fair is it to have autumn when we haven't had a summer? I mean, other than that one perfect day. Autumn is supposed to come after you've been bombarded with so many hot days in a row that you can't possibly take one more. Then, you wake up and the humidity has gone away, the temperatures are cooler, and the air smells of fall -- freshly mowed grass along with fallen leaves and moist soil.

I feel kind of silly because I was so very excited about the hot summer weather that we were supposed to get. I was so ready for it, that now that it isn't coming, I feel let down. Depressed. Almost to the point of tears when I think about it. If that isn't a sign of crazy, I don't know what is.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Who are you?

Little Monster is a great big brother. The other day we were out and about, driving all over the county. The sun was shining into the back of the truck, right into Butterball's eyes. I turned around and found Little Monster adjusting the shade. I told him to stop playing with her seat:

Little Monster, stop messing with your sister's seat. You're going to wake her up.

No, mommy. I just fixing it. Da sun was in Butterballs eyes. She not happy.

Oh, okay. Little Monster, You're such a good big brother.

No, I dest batman.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Reverse PC translator.

"One person would take the project and run with it and the others would assist and provide input when required. I do believe that there could have been a better way to pick the final briefer other than the junior person; however they emphasized their managerial skills by empowering me with the brief. " -- NTM

Can anyone else translate this? I mean, when I do, it looks like someone typed out the paragraph below into some Dilbert Political Correct-ness translator.

"They were all jerks. They made me do all of the work, and then yelled at me when it wasn't what they expected, even though they didn't tell me what they wanted in the first place. Then, when it's finished, they'll either take the credit for my good work, or pass the buck on to me when it sucks. It was especially crappy of them to make me not only do the work, but present it. But then again, they outrank me and life's a B****. Until you're a Commander, then you can tell some unlucky Lieutenant do all of the s***work."

Disclaimer: The paragraph above is in no way what NTM actually thinks about the people he worked with. That was MY translation of the paragraph he wrote for a paper. He never once complained about anything about this particular class or this group. And trust me, if they actually had been jerks, he would have.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Sleep is a wonderful thing...

After yesterday's bout of "WILL YOU PLEASE INHALE BETWEEN SENTENCES BECAUSE IT WILL GIVE ME 1/2 SECOND OF SILENCE" verbal dysentery by the Little Monster, we headed over the hill to where summer lives so that he could play with a friend.

Play he did. For four hours, that child and his friend ran. And ran. And ran. And wore capes. And yelled "da DAH!" while popping out from behind corners. They rolled cars on the ground and threw balls. They completely and totally trashed his little friend's room. I felt bad because we were there to bring meals to MY friend who recently had a baby. We did, but I feel like we made some more work for her. She said the hours of playtime were worth the clean-up. I hope she wasn't lying. (And I know she's reading!)

As for me, it was definitely worth it! I got out of the house, spent some time with friends, and Little Monster had a blast. It would have been worth it before we got home. Before Little Monster went to bed at 7PM without complaining. And slept for thirteen hours straight. Without sneaking into our room and making a bed on the floor with our bed pillows. I was surprised when I got up at 2AM and he wasn't up. And 3:30AM. And 5:00AM. And 6:30AM. And 7:30AM. And 8:00 AM when he finally came into our room, after 13 hours of sleep, I looked at my precious little cranky Butterball, who hadn't let me sleep much at all and wondered why she couldn't sleep like that.

Oh yeah, she's just a baby.

Friday, September 18, 2009

GOOOOD Morning!

Are you aware that we have not set an alarm clock and actually been able to sleep in until it went off for over a year? Almost two? Little Monster gets up with -- and often before the sun. Every. Morning. Even on Saturday.

In the early days of the whole "no alarm clock needed" phase of our life, we'd wake to screams and cries. That morphed into "MOMMY!!! DADDY!!!!! OUT!!! WET ME OOOWWWWWT!!! Most recently we wake up because of doors slamming followed by demands to be taken to the bathroom.

This morning was no different, except that we had the rare occasion that we didn't have to BE anywhere bright and early. No one was coming over, chores were going to be skipped, and Daddy didn't need to be to work before the sun thought about getting up. So, we told Little Monster to just go to the bathroom. Daddy coached him into moving his stool and putting the seat on. I reminded him to "hold it down" so that the littlest fire hose didn't spray the entire bathroom. And we tried to go back to sleep.

Emphasis on "tried."

After Little Monster used the bathroom, it started. It was as if someone turned a switch on the back of his head and suddenly every little thought that came into that little boy's head came spilling out of his mouth. My mom used to tell me I had verbal dysentery. Who knew it was genetic?

Mom, the sun up? Yes, mom. The sun up. Get up mom. Mom, I tell you a story. A story, mom. A story about a Mommy. There was a mommy who went in a cave and she was in the water. It dark. And then Mommy fall down in water. And yell at daddy get hers swimsuit. And turn the wights on. And then Mommy fall down in da water. And da owange joker come and Daddy wide on owange motorcylce. And joker push mommy down in dark water in da cave. And it dark. And mommy well about hers swimming suit. The end. You like that story mommy? I tell you story about a cave and water and swimming. Daddy owange joker and he push you down and wide on owang motorcycle.

It went on like that for a while. So we got up and got dressed. And we went to drop Daddy off at work. I thought surely, the narrative would stop.

Mommy, the owange motorcycle. Look! I see joker house! It wight dere! Mommy, wacecars need headlights? No. da track is lit. ha ha ha dat funny! Mommy. I need mine skateboard. I pway wif it. wight now. NO, it is in a wittle bit. WE go to fwiends house aday mommy? Is it amorrow? YAY! it amorrow! We go to fwiends house! Mommy - this a timer. It beeping. See? Now it not beeping. Now it is. Now it not. Now it is. Now it not. What is dis mommy? What is dis den? Mommy, i need sit in yours lap. Mom, I want this open, me get this in there. Mom, thank you. Dat in da wiving woom. I want other one. Mom, this mine stuff. I want my softball me wooking for. Mom, a me hold this mom..... Mom what is this? It say "boop boop boop boop" (turns on game) What is this mom? See it boop boop boop. (shuts off game) What is this mom?

I was warned a long time ago by my mother that "someday I would have a child JUST LIKE ME." If this is what I was like, maybe I'll be lucky enough to have two.

Thursday, September 17, 2009


Okay, maybe not...

My neighborhood is small... and the photographer who took our most recent family photos is amazing. And people are now recognizing me from the photos she's taken.

This must be what Hugh Jackman feels like when he goes to ComiCon. (Did you know he gets naked in Wolverine: origins? Not bad naked, nice naked.)

Fun times, fun times.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Lingustic proof of aging.

Kids grow up too fast. We all know it is going to happen, but when it happens to your kids, you never cease to be amazed.

I don't know when it happened, but my Little Monster is growing up, and it is evident in the way he speaks these days. No longer does he say "boose" when he's asking for apple juice. He asks for apple juice. He corrects us and says his sister's name correctly when we call her "butterball," which is what her name sounded like after she was born. It's getting easier and easier to distinguish "Turkey" and "Cookie" and "poopie" which all came out sounding like "too-kee" not that long ago.

I just hope that he continues to use the word "whackin'" instead of napkin for a little longer. And it's totally fine with me that he messes up his pronouns and says "me" when I is what he wants to say -- even when we correct him. I hope he'll continue to yell at the sun for shining and the wind for blowing as if the world bows to his whim.

I'm not quite ready for him to be a big kid quite yet, so I'll hold on to these moments -- as long as I can...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

My schpeal

I have been a member of PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) for a while, now. Today, I spoke, and I'm putting what I talked about up here too. Of course what I have written down is not exactly what I said, but you'll get the gist of it. And you won't have to watch me sweat and shake like the poor ladies did this morning. To God be the Glory for this message. I hope that those who need to hear it hear it.

This tour has been extremely pivotal in my faith and my journey with Christ. Even still, since I have been here, I have found myself questioning my faith and my salvation more than I ever have. I started asking myself “Am I really going to Heaven,? I’m not good enough to get in. I haven’t done enough. The answer is No, I alone am not good enough, but through FAITH, I am saved by GRACE. Nothing I do will ever be enough to earn entrance into heaven. And even though I KNOW that, I still heard these nagging voices questioning myself, my faith and my role as a woman, wife, mother and friend. I wondered where are those nagging thoughts coming from? Why am I questioning the things that I know so well? I went to the PWOC International conference last year and attended a class led by Dawn Kennedy, who I believe is the Prayer Chair for PWOCI this year. That class really changed the way I think about those nagging thoughts. It helped me to understand a bit more about what is really going on inside my mind.

She spoke of the voices of God, Ourselves and Satan, what they sound like and how we can react to them. The message she gave me is one I’m going to share parts of with you. I don’t have time to cover an hour class in five minutes, but I can give you some points that helped me. I give all credit to the Lord for placing me in that class last year, because the message I am about to share with you is one that has saved my sanity many times over the past few months (and especially the past few days as I’ve been preparing this) and I know it will come in handy in the future too.

We all have an internal monologue… the voices that are running around inside your head narrating your day, etc. Dawn explained that this internal monologue isn’t only one voice. It isn’t just our own heart. There are three. God, ourselves, and the enemy. All three get jumbled around in our heads as we go about our day, mixing and mingling until we often don’t know whose voice is whose and which one we are supposed to be listening to. Was that the Father leading me in a certain direction, or was that Satan pulling me away from where I’m supposed to go? Or really, is it just the desires of my own sinful heart? Without a little armor, it could be really hard to tell the difference.

First, we know the lord speaks to us through the Holy Spirit. At Pentecost, (you will find this story in John Chapter 14) Jesus explained to his disciples of the things that were to come. They did not want to think about Jesus leaving them. They were afraid that without Jesus being around, they’d have no leader, no guide to help them. Jesus, always the loving reassurer, said to them in

John 14:16-17, “And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another
Helper, that He may abide with you forever – the spirit of truth, whom the world
cannot receive because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for
He dwells with you and will be in you….(NKJV)

As long as we have faith, we have the gift of the Holy spirit to guide us and help us along the way. It’s easy to believe in God and His loving, gracious mercy. But sometimes, we have trouble believing the influence that the enemy has on our lives. Biblically, we know that the enemy is out there, messing with us.

1 Peter 5:8-11 says:

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a
roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith,
knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the
world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by
Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen,
and settle [you]. To Him [be] the glory and the dominion forever and ever.

How do we tell God’s voice of the Holy Spirit from Satan’s voice or our own?

1. If we know what God sounds like, we can pick his voice out of the mish-mosh the three voices can create in our mind. We know that god’s Holy spirit speaks to us, but we also need to remember that God speaks the truth out of LOVE. Going back to John, Jesus promised his disciples, and He promises us, that we are not alone.

John 14:26-27.
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will
send in MY name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all
things that I said to you. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not
as the world gives I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it
be afraid.”(NKJV)

2. We also know that when God speaks to us, He will not contradict scripture as he says in:

2 Timothy 3:16-17
All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is
profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in
righteousness, that the man of God may be complete thoroughly equipped for every
good work.(NKJV)

3. Other ways we can know it is God speaking is because He will not contradict His character, His hand will draw us to Jesus, and is gentle. Conviction is combined with truth, holiness love and Grace. We can see an example of this in:

Hosea 11:4
I drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love and I was
to them as those who take the Yoke from their neck. I stooped and fed

He asks us to do many things, things we often don’t want to do, and convicts us when we resist, but it is always with love that He leads us, always knowing when we need to have that yoke removed, always knowing when we hunger and thirst. He draws US with GENTLE bands of LOVE. He removes the Yoke from our necks, takes away our worries and feeds us, because His goal is to strengthen, encourage, comfort, restore hope and bring LIFE.

So – we know God speaks out of LOVE using the spirit, does not contradict scripture or his Character, and seeks to bring us TO Jesus, not away. He convicts us with kindness. We can use this knowledge to test those voices and help tell us if that little thought or whisper in our mind is God speaking to us and convicting us, or someone else.

Now we go to Satan’s influence. We know He is messing with us, because we are told so 1 Peter, the devil prowls like a ROARING lion. We are to be able to hear him coming and seek shelter in our Lord.

Some things to remember about the enemy:

The enemy speaks truth mixed with error. He knows God, and He knows scripture. He tested Jesus in the desert and tried to use it against Him – if he was going to try to use scripture against Jesus, don’t you think he would try against us, people who are much more easily swayed? The enemy’s thoughts and words are centered in condemnation, predicting that dark future with no hope, accusing God, leading you away from Him.

Remember that the Enemy is sneaky about entering our thoughts. He doesn’t just crawl in and say, “Hi there! Satan here, I’m going to be playing with your emotions today.” He doesn’t show up to us as the cartoony devil on our shoulder either. If he did, we’d be able to see him coming too easily and fend him off. He slithers into our minds and tricks us into thinking that what HE is saying is OUR own thoughts. He replays the words that others say that hurt us over and over again, breaking us down. But one of the most effective things he does is that HE SPEAKS IN FIRST PERSON!!!!

Let me tell you how he speaks in first person. The past few weeks, I’ve been preparing for this devotion. Life got crazy busy. My quiet household turned into chaos, it is messy. I’ve not had time to do much other than ‘exist.’ My kids, who normally sleep pretty well have been getting up at night several times. Everything has been a bit off. The Lord knows us, but so does the Enemy. He knows I am weak when I haven’t had enough sleep and when I feel like my house is in shambles. Because my kids have been up nights, I’ve been sleep deprived and weak, allowing him to crawl in and say things like
“I’m not good enough to get up in front of these women.”

“Everyone else there knows more than you.”

“You know you’re going to quote an inappropriate scripture, or WORSE mis-quote one and distort the Word.”

“No one in the audience needs this message, they’re all CHRISTIAN, and don’t have to worry about these things. The enemy only attacks me.”

“Who do I think I am trying to teach people when I have so much left to learn?”

The devil tricked me into thinking I was hearing myself saying these things. I finally realized YESTERDAY after praying with a group of friends about my devotion, that here I am, about to tell all of these women how to fend off the Enemy! Of COURSE he’s going to play on my insecurities to try and keep me from delivering the message that the Lord has been placing on my heart.

These voices that are without hope, voices of fear and worry – they are not of God. They are not of you -- WE as humans have the desire to live and continue on! They are Satan trying to take your mind off of all of the good we have, trying to steer you into a downward “no-hope” spiral, draining our wells of the living water that is the Holy spirit.

Voices that say “I’m not good enough, Nobody likes me, NO one cares.” Those are the voice of the enemy.

What can you do about it? The best thing you can do is pray. Prayer is our first and best defense. We often try to do things ourselves, I think especially as “independent women” who were raised in the world to believe that we don’t need anyone’s help. But we’re told that if we ask, we shall receive:

Mark 11:24

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have
received it, and it will be yours.(NIV)

And I’ve found that when we pray against the enemy’s attacks, those prayers are often answered quickly.

Satan is real. He is here to mess with us, and trying to keep us from doing the Lord’s work. He tries to get us to confuse our thoughts with his words, he masquerades as the Lord in our mind, making us question ourselves, our faith and our motives. He replays other’s hurtful words in our minds, hoping we’ll focus on him and his goals, rather than those of the Lord.

Don’t let him mess with you. Recognize that prayer –even a small quick cry of help! – can send Satan on his way. Yes, the Lord will allow Satan to mess with us, but he won’t give us more than we can handle. Long before we’re tired he’ll remove the yoke from our necks and stop to feed us. Draw close to the Lord, and you’ll have no reason to fear. Remember what Jesus told his disciples:

Peace I leave with you,. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be

Yes, the enemy prowls around us, roaring like a Lion in our heads, telling us lies, but remember, the Lord is with us too.

In his kindness God called you to his eternal glory by means of Jesus
Christ. After you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and
strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Theological discussions with a 2 year old.

Mom, where is Kweenex? Is dat Kweenex house?

Kleenex is in heaven with Jesus, baby.

Kweenex on farm in heaven wif Jesus?

I think there's probably a nice place for her to play in heaven. Maybe Jesus plays fetch with her.

Mom, Jesus wiv in heaven?

Yes, baby.

Jesus take elemator (elevator) to heaven?

I don't think he needs an elevator to get to heaven.

He have a sweep (sleep) in heaven?


He have a bed in heaven? Where is him bed?

Yes, he has a bed. It's probably in one of his many mansions.

Oh. Jesus come back here?

Someday, baby. Someday.

When Jesus coming?

Only Jesus knows.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Once upon a Time..

There was a family who visited a chain coffee place. Quite often. Their drink order rarely changed.

One day this family went through the drive through and ordered the usual thing -- Grande java chip frappuccino and a Venti Mocha frappuccino.

Remember this is a made up family and a made up coffee joint. Totally fictional. You can tell because the title of this post is "Once upon a time..."

Anyway -- this family ordered their usual order. The Mommy and Daddy in the family joked that they had come to this particular drive-thru location often enough that they were surprised they didn't ask if they had forgotten about the little one's 2% boxed milk.

When they pulled up to the window there was some commotion behind the counter when the family pulled up in their minivan, SUV. Yeah, they drove an SUV. Not a minivan. The cashier rung up a Grande Mocha and a Venti Java Chip, but the barista brewed drink artists suspected that what the family really wanted was a Grande Java Chip and a Venti Mocha. They took bets. Yes, yes, they did. And when this nice, normal, non-minivan owning family drove up, the cashier carefully asked what the family had ordered. Confused, the Daddy said "those" and pointed to the two frappuccinos on the counter. But the cashier persisted. "What drinks did you order?" When Daddy said Grande Java Chip and Venti Mocha, cheers went up behind the cashier. Why?

Because. The baristas brewed drink artists knew us, them. They knew the family's order so well, that they second-guessed the cashier's order and made what they knew we, I mean the totally fictional family wanted. And they were right.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

**Any resemblance this totally fictional family has to my family is purely coincidental. Also, any resemblance the totally fictional coffee establishment has to a multi-national corporate coffee chain is also, completely coincidental. The vehicle in the story has been changed to protect Shmitty's reputation<./strike> the innocent.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Why God? We had a Deal!!

Remember that line from Friends when Joey turned 30? I'm having that conversation right now. We had a deal. I would get Babies. And I thought they would stay that way -- at least for a little while. Longer than they have. I didn't know they would only stay babies for a heartbeat. Time is going so fast.

My three month old baby girl (who is working on a good mad -- notice the red eyebrows?): now rolling over, nearly sitting up for a few seconds on her own, (we place her there, and she maintains), AND today.... Today she pulled the handle on her little buzzy chair so it would sing Old McDonald. Three times. On purpose.

Isn't she supposed to be only eating, sleeping, pooping and crying at this point? Maybe a giggle every once in a while? I mean, she's not supposed to be putting her foot to my mouth so I'll blow raspberries on it. She's not supposed to be playing with toys like her friend Stretch the Giraffe, and a Crackly book. Is she? I certainly don't remember Little Monster doing all of these things this early! But then, I could be jaded and just hoping my baby will stay a baby a bit longer. I guess I'll just have to savor the noozles on my shoulder, the sweet smell of her breath and the sweetest sound of her baby giggle. Because, I'm afraid all too soon she'll be driving away to college.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

That "Thing"

I have body issues. What woman doesn't right? After I got pregnant with Butterball, they melted away. I realized that I'm insane to think I'm fat or overweight or whatever, but that doesn't mean that I'm comfortable all the time.

1. I slump. I slouch, I have TERRIBLE posture. My posture is so bad and has been for so long that it almost hurts to stand up straight. It feels unnatural. It's awful. I notice that when I do stand up straight, I look a million times better.

2. I have post-pregnancy belly. I'm that gal you see walking down the street where you wonder if I'm just entering my second trimester, or if I'm just carrying a few extra pounds. I'm just carrying a few extra pounds. In the front. Where those two giant (9 lb10 oz, and 9 lb 7 oz) babies were. I have this flap of skin and fat that hangs. You think you have muffin top? I am that muffin that spilled out of the cup and is dripping off of the pan -- at least in front.

These two things make it difficult for me to feel comfortable in clothing. I need to find jeans that don't ride up to my armpits (I prefer lower-rise jeans, they don't pinch when you bend). I would like to find shirts that don't make my milk makers look funny or my tummy look like it's still housing children, or showing off my crack. I like my shirts longer. I don't do anything that's expensive, because I'm the cheapest person out there when it comes to clothing. I like to be pretty low maintenance, (no dry-clean only), but the screen printed T-shirts are no longer working for me to wear out. I want to look put together, polished. As if I didn't try to look nice but succeeded anyway. And yes, I'm aware. I'm only three months post-baby, but I feel like it's been so much longer. I'm ready to look like me again. And I need to figure out a way of hiding my gut before I wean, so that when I do it doesn't stick out further than the bumps that live above it.

Suggestions? Places to shop? Brands of clothing? Please. Tell me. I want to hear it all.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Fancy Fixins!

After we left church yesterday, NTM suggested we go to lunch. Our conversation on the way home:

We didn't have to go out to eat at a sit-down place, NTM.

I know. But I thought maybe you'd want to go out.

You mean, you wanted their salad and breadsticks?

No, I thought maybe you deserved to go out to a fancy restaurant for lunch.

So, you took me to Olive Garden?

*NTM requires that I tell you all that there are "Fancy" restaurants for movie stars, and McDonald's out here -- no chains or middle-ground sit-downs that wouldn't be crazy busy. We had to go to a nearby city to get to the Olive Garden.

Bedtime Singalong?

Lately, Little Monster has enjoyed a few good songs before he goes to bed. There is one specific song he gets every night, one I've sung to him since before he was born. Normally, I do this by myself, but tonight Not the Momma decided to join in.

After prayer, Little Monster asked to sing the P-O-A-I-O song. (We have no idea what that is. He's just trying to spell, and everything comes out with P-O-A at the beginning.)

So, simultaneously, NTM and I start singing Gloria

NTM & I: Glooooo ooooooo ria. In excelsis Deo, Gloooooooooo oooooooo ria in excelsis deee eeee oooo.

LM: Ting nother song.

NTM & I: jesus loves me this I know..... the bible tells me so...

LM: Um, dat scary song!! Sing Robot song! Me want boo-bot song.

NTM & I: tomo arigato mr. roboto! (simultaneously without planning!)

LM: Dat too scary. woo sing jeesus song 'gain.

What was really scary about the whole ordeal is that NTM and I had not planned to sing any of the songs, but that we both sang the same songs at the same time with no pre-planning. Perhaps we've been together in the same house for too long. It must be almsot time for him to go back to his real job.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Bedtime delay tactics.

Mommy. Woo sing me a song 'bout a Bee.


No! Mommy, data a wetter song. Me want woo sing me a bee song.

"I don't know a bee song.

Mommy. sing me a bee song. It goes. bzzz

A bee goes bzz, a bee goes bzz, every buggy makes a sound the bee says bzz

Mommy sing me an ant song.

the ants go marching 1 by 1 hoorah, hoorah.... (continue to the first verse)...

Mommy sing me a tatterpidder song.

I don't know a caterpillar song. You sing me a caterpillar song.

No, Mommy. Onwy woo sing a tatterpidder song. dat too hard a me. Woo sing tatterpidder song. Me not sing it. Woo sing it. Dat a me talkin' 'bout. A tatterpidder. O- TAY? A One time.

Some crazy made-up 2 line caterpillar song. Good night, I love you.

ni-night mommy. I wuv woo. I det up when da sun up?

Yes baby, I'll see you when the sun comes up in the morning.

Otay. Woo weeve door open wight. No mommy. dat not wight.

I adjust the door. Good night sweetie. I'll see you in the morning.

Dat wight mommy. night-night.

Friday, September 04, 2009

At least it isn't Barney

My 2 year old has a favorite song.

Only he sings it:

"I do it mine self!"

The full song:

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Things that make you go hmmmm

Mommy, me need wadder.

You need a letter? What?

No, Mommy. Me find mine softball. M need wadder, get it down. Wike Calliou. Calliou wooz wadder det apples out of twees. Me need wadder, get down mine ball.

No. You don't need a ladder. I'll get it down for you in a little bit.

No Mommy, me need wadder wight now. I flash him a look that says he's being too demanding. He bats his eyelashes and says TWEEEEEEZ!

I said No. I meant NO.

Otay. I get mine own wadder. I do it mine self.

He walks to the edge of the room and picks up a pretend ladder. After a minute, he re-enters the room.

See Mommy, me wooz wadder, me det down mine softball.

He is now holding the Nerf football he's been talking about. At this point, I decide it is worth disturbing the baby's eating to find out what he used for a ladder to get down the football. The football had been on a shelf over 6 feet up. So, I hoist Butterball, still nursing up and go into his room.

LM, show me your ladder.

See Mommy, dis mine wadder!

He holds up a gallon bucket that previously held ice cream, but now is supposed to hold puzzle pieces.

I wooz dis and I det down mine ball!!

This, this is something I don't think I want to know. I don't want to know how an EMPTY plastic ice cream bucket became a step to a ladder for a high shelf. I don't want to know what other things in the room he had to have used to get the football down. Maybe next time, I'll get him the ladder.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Dear Mommy,

Please don't ever cut my hair again. I know that with the trimmers, you're supposed to be able to, but really, you can't. Or if you do try, remember that no matter what the bangs look better before you mess with them.

Love, Little Monster.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

The Weather.

As a kid, I lived for summer. It didn't have as much to do with a break from school as it did a break from cold weather. I loved wearing shorts, running through the sprinkler, swimming, and all of the fun activities summer brought. And when it got too hot to be outside, I loved coming into an air conditioned house, that slight smell of ozone filling the air, to curl up on the couch with a book.

We have summer here, in that we don't skip June, July or August, but the weather during the "summer" isn't what I'm used to. It's cool and foggy most days. Not warm enough to wear any fun summer clothes or fill up the inflatable pool for splashing and lazing in.

Every once in a while, though, there will be a glorious, "hot" summer day where the sun shines and the wind isn't coming off of the beach. The temp will be about 80 or so. Even rarer are when those days come on a weekend, when we don't have plans.

This past weekend, though the planets aligned and we had one glorious day of summer. We woke up early, got donuts at our favorite shop on the way down to the beach where we spent the morning riding our bikes along the coast. We grabbed a quick lunch during some light shopping, and then filled up our swimming pool and spent the afternoon in the front yard splashing and getting each other wet. At the end of the day, smelling of Coppertone and summer, we got subs for dinner, at ate outside before heading home to lounge inside in front of the TV barely able to stay awake for the heat and activities of the day.

It was a glorious, wonderful, heavenly summer day. And the next morning we woke up, opened the windows, and like a dream, the summer was gone. It had given way to the onshore flow, marine layer and fog. Summer, I miss you. Come back soon, okay?