Thursday, May 08, 2008

Totally Random Crap. I mean really random.

It has been a rough couple of weeks. Well, not really rough, let's say that it was like driving on a brick road instead of asphalt. No, not even that. Just weird.

Little Monster has learned how to shut doors. From the inside of a room. This isn't such a big deal, except that now we REALLY must make sure we are shutting bathroom doors. Twice he has locked himself into the hall bathroom. The first time he was in there for quite some time. I assumed he was with Not the Momma in the kitchen, and Not the Momma assumed he was with me in the living room. At least he didn't play in the toilet. The second time, we weren't so lucky. I heard splashing, and assuming he was into the dog's water came into the kitchen, but NOPE. No Little Monster. Yeauck!! I hadn't cleaned that toilet in a while. So, then I had to give him a bath. And clean the house all over. Because I felt dirty.

Grocery shopping has gotten a bit worse this week. It was mostly self-inflicted pain, but hopefully we'll save some money? We bought a membership to Costco. I have been avoiding that place like the plague, because a pack-rat, sale-lovin' woman does NOT need to be going somewhere that you can buy 100 cans of tuna! for $10! That's so cheap! We eat tuna! Let's buy it! See what I mean? Seriously though, we're saving .50 on a gallon of skim milk, and .70 on a gallon of whole milk. We just have to buy two gallons at a time. Not the Momma -- commence milk drinking! Let's just hope I don't fill up a closet with paper towels and toilet paper and think that's normal.

Then there's the commissary trip I took this week. It was fun. Really. I LOVE it when crabby old women GLARE at me for DARING to bring my child to the grocery store at 1pm (nap time is at 2pm). And GOD forbid, my child make a SOUND. He wasn't crying, he was honking and telling her to get her FAT A--- wait a minute, I don't talk like that. We was honking to remind her that yes, we were there too. Then, as I was picking out the tomatoes, he ate an avocado. Right off of the shelf. He STOLE an avocado, and just BIT right into it. We ate lunch before we left, but I'm guessing his wasn't enough. And forget that he had a baggie of goldfish crackers in the other hand. He did this RIGHT in front of stupid crabby old lady too. So, I'm trying to talk to him about it, meanwhile feeling her hot, angry sneers on my back. Fun times, fun times.

In the evenings, we've had a regular old Caddyshack episode going on. Which was all fun and games until we caught the darn thing. Now we're in shock. If it's still alive, it's still in that orange bucket in the garage. My job today is to take it to the 'wilderness' and set it free. I'm going to dump it by the bike trail. Hopefully he won't find his way home. It's a bit depressing being all talk and now show. I mean, if we'd burned him alive in his home, or drowned him it wouldn't have been a big deal. I would have had to dispose of 'body.' So, here we are, all bark, no bite, can't kill a rodent. Nice, huh? Not even Not the Monster will kill it. He said if it had ran from him, he would have stomped it, but it just stood there, so he couldn't do it (ie, the thing looked at him and he had time to THINK about the fact he was killing a LIVE thing).

That should be a lesson for my dogs. If Not the Momma appears as if he may kill you. Just stop. Sit on his foot and turn your eyeballs into glass and whimper a little. If he's spending all of his energy chasing you because you've dug a giant hole in pursuit of a gopher, his brain is only thinking "catch and kill!" But if you stop and look at him, he won't kill you. Just don't turn your back! ha ha. <-- That was funny. Not the Momma played softball last night. So. I was alone. In my house. After bedtime, and didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't wii, I just read my blogs. By the time I got to the point where I was commenting (I have some starred!), he came home. So, then I had to try to kick his butt at Mario Kart. I lost. THE SECOND TIME!! That means that the first time I so totally won. And, being as I am a LOSER at anything video games, it's kind of a miracle that I beat him. Funny, huh?

So, tonight we're back to normal? Whatever that is. The rodent is gone (hopefully there was only one!), The toilets are cleaned, and grocery shopping... It's worse than ever. Maybe I should take up a new hobby. Like putting puzzles together. But when would I find the time?


Vanessa said...

Our little man learned how to open the bathroom door this week. Dang lever style handles! So now we have to keep it locked so we don't find him standing on the stool wanting to wash his hands. Again. For the third time in 20 minutes. Oh, and he also can open the screen doors, since they have levers also. So those stay locked too.

Ashlee said...

Sounds like it has been fun over at your house too! :0) Breathe in, breathe out...feel better? :0)

debawriter said...

Ahhh!!! I couldn't handle the toilet thing...i'd have done the same thing you did.

And, good for Little Monster! I always want to bite into avocados at the grocery store!