My Day in Letters.

A is for AM. AM is too early these days.

B is for bananas, which Little Monster now refuses to eat more than one bite of.

C is for Closing the door on the nice neighbor lady’s face when she told me my dogs had escaped.

D is for DAMN DOGS.

E is for ESCAPING IDIOT DOGS!

F is for F*#&ING DOGS!!!!

G is for Great, as in how Great I looked with my tangled pony tail, dirty sweat suit, no bra wearing self as I ran around the neighborhood with my child who is still in his jammes. At noon. G is for Goldfish Crackers. Goldfish crackers that are covering the playroom floor. Goldfish Crackers that I will leave there hoping that when I’m not looking will ‘disappear.’ (Don’t worry. The crackers have only been there for a few minutes. Little Moster dumped them out just now. Nice, huh?)

H is for HOW IN THE HECK did the GATE get OPEN?

I is for Idiot. Which is what I feel like after slamming the door in my nice neighbors face.

J is for JACK RUSSEL TERROR!

K is for Kill. Which is what I want to do to the D, E, F, and G Dogs.

L is for Little Monster, who was a great help. He yelled for the dogs in the back seat of the car as I raced around the neighborhood honking my horn and yelling for Chewie Kleenexes

M is for Monday. Wait, Monday is over, right? Yes. So, then M can’t stand for Mondays anymore. M must be for “MORE.” Little Monster says “MORE” when he wants MORE kisses.

N is for NAUGHTY DAMN ESCAPING F*#&ING JACK RUSSEL TERROR DOGS!

O is for Over. It is over. The dogs are home.

P is for Probably not going to get the house cleaned, the laundry done, or a shower today. Work is very busy. I’m talking 30 different designs in the works, and unlike normally, all of my clients are actually responsive.

Q is for Quick as Lightning. That’s how fast those DAMN ESCAPING F*#&ING JACK RUSSEL TERROR DOGS! Run.

R is for REALLY? As in, REALLY CHEWIE, you are going to TURN UP a CAR RIDE? And continue. Running. Down. The. Street?

S is the word I probably said, and for SLAM, which is what I did to the nice neighbor lady who was kind enough to tell me that my DEFGJN Dogs had run away.

T is for Time for LUNCH!

U is for Unfair. As in, how unfair it is that none of this crap happens when Not the Momma is home to help.

V is for VERY LUCKY. Which is what my dogs are. You see, after the chewed cable from yesterday (did I say something about Kleenex eating my wire from the satellite to the bedroom yesterday?), I fixed it with electrical tape. I no longer have to send her off to the home for naughty dogs. They are also VERY LUCKY that they listened when I told them to GET! INTO! THE! CAR!

W is for Wednesday. I wish it were Wednesday. Because then Tuesday would be over, and the house will be clean, and the laundry will be done. Because that was the goal for Tuesday.

X is for Xylophone. Yeah, I have no idea how X fits into my day. Well, maybe if I use X for Christ and say that he helped me to remain cool and collected (except for the curse words and the slamming of the doors, and the frantic driving around the neighborhood) while searching for the dogs.

Y is for Yet another crazy day.

Z is for ZZZZZZZ, as in. I want some more.