Friday, June 13, 2008

100 things I've learned in 300 posts:

1. Blogging is highly addictive
2. Writing is harder than you think
3. There are lots of people out there who are interesting.
4. There are lots of people out there who think they are interesting – but aren’t.
5. A 19 month old can knock over a picture, and have the sense to set it back the way it was.
6. Patrick Warburton is in every cartoon flick ever made.
7. If he isn’t John Ratzenberger is.
8. It takes a REALLY LONG time to come up with 100 things I’ve learned.
9. It also takes a REALLY LONG TIME to come up with 100 weird things about me.
10. Did I mention how long it takes to think up 100 books?
11. My husband is capable of taking care of an infant, and a toddler.
12. We’re not sure if he can do both at the same time.
13. Yet.
14. Childbirth isn't as scary as you think it is. Parenting, however is a different story.
15. A woman’s nipple can stretch 14 feet when a nursing baby turns his head to see what the answer is to Final Jeopardy.
16. A person can survive, albeit not well, on 2 hours of sleep per night for several months at a time.
17. Breastfeeding is natural, but doesn’t always come naturally.
18. A person can survive on 20 minutes of sleep at a time for approximately 5 days before going completely insane.
19. Have a girl. The clothing manufacturers have deemed that boys do not need clothing.
20. Babies can go from giggles to gut-wrenching, ear-bleeding screams in less than one nanosecond.
21. Baby fingernails grow at the rate of one foot per hour.
22. A baby’s 9 inch arm can stretch to 10 feet.
23. Babies can throw better than I can.
24. Being a parent is the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done, but has more rewards than anything I’ve ever done.
25. Change diaper sizes when your child reaches the MINIMUM weight on the next size up.
26. While they seem small, babies can simultaneously hold enough poop to clog a toilet and enough vomit to fill a 5 gallon bucket.
27. The only night in three months that you eat in the living room, baby will vomit all over your nice fluffy couch.
28. Baby vomit is hard to get out of couches.
29. Baby vomit smell never goes away.
30. Toys are for losers. Babies instead like to play with boxes, envelopes, cell phones, remote controls, keys, and cups. Don’t buy toys.
31. Baby cereal can be used as hairspray, superglue, or cement.
32. It’s stupid to travel with baby. You should just plan on moving where you want to visit. You’ll have to bring enough stuff to fill a 4 bedroom house anyway.
33. Before babies there are 365 days in a year.
34. After, that number is reduced to 12.
35. Babies produce enough ear wax in a week to wax a gymnasium floor.
36. Fetch: It’s not just for dogs anymore!
37. Legos, blocks and toys with sharp pointy corners have the ability to transport to alternate dimensions during the day so you can’t find them when you clean.
38. They return to this dimension after you’ve gone to sleep. They return in the middle of the path you take as you stumble to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
39. Stepping on a sharp toy in the middle of the night can cause you to pee your pants.
40. Even the best sleepers will wake up when mom starts screaming out profanity in the middle of the night because a sharp pointy toy has found the bottom of her foot on the way to the bathroom, causing her to pee her pants.
41. Go to the bathroom BEFORE you change any diapers or begin feeding/nursing, etc. It will make the experience better for all.
42. Just because it is legal to put your nearly one year old son on your lap for the flight, doesn’t mean you should.
43. Children who are used to running around all day do not do well being HELD DOWN on a plane for several hours.
44. Raisins are NOT a good airline snack.
45. Raisins look the same going out as they do coming in.
46. Be careful when removing clothing after a raisin poo. Otherwise, you’ll end up with raisins EVERYWHERE..
47. It’s not fun to clean up pre-digested raisins.
48. Giant stuffed animals make great friends, but even better wrestling buddies.
49. “No” hurts worse than a chipped tooth.
50. A smile at the right time, followed by a hug can cost you 2.900 Bahraini Dinar. And it’s totally worth it. Because every time he sees that goofy stuffed dog a smile erupts all over his face.
51. Multitasking is a bit harder after you have kids.
52. Shoes are dangerous weapons.
53. Especially when thrown from the back seat of a small car.
54. They are only slightly less dangerous from the back of a minivan.
55. No matter what vehicle we buy, the gas type for the vehicle goes up 50 cents two days later.
56. CDs double as Frisbees if you’re 19 months old.
57. A 19 month old knows a lot more than I think they do.
58. Rolling down a grassy hill isn’t as fun when you’re an adult.
59. Rolling down a grassy hill will make you itch for hours afterward.
60. Always, Always Always back up the blog before you make major changes.
61. Kids like to eat sand by the handful.
62. Changing a diaper after sand has been eaten –not fun for anyone involved.
63. Silence is golden – unless you have kids. Then it’s downright dangerous.
64. Silence followed by a splash sound usually means the bathroom door was open, and the toilet lid was up.
65. “Uh-Oh” is probably the cutest thing ever uttered by a toddler.
66. Until you find out what the “uh-oh” was about.
67. Unbeatable Banzuke is highly addictive.
68. As is Ninja Warrior.
69. Movies marketed towards kids aren’t always written for kids.
70. Your opinion of movies completely changes when your child is watching them.
71. Happy Feet: Not for kids.
72. When your son covers his eyes to keep from seeing a killer whale eat a penguin, it can break your heart.
73. Natural childbirth isn’t has bad as everyone fears it is.
74. It’s mind over matter.
75. Until your water breaks.
76. Bath crayons don’t always come off of the walls without soft scrub.
77. Sleep is one of the most wonderful things in the world.
78. California is not all sunshine and beaches.
79. It’s against to law to spank a child under three in California.
80. Finding a church in California is extremely difficult.
81. Rich people can be jerks.
82. Especially when you’re driving through their neighborhood to get to the beach.
83. And they don’t want to follow traffic signals.
84. Sand will appear in places you didn’t know existed after a beach visit.
85. Sand Angels are more fun to make as snow angels, because it’s warm.
86. Minivans aren’t as lame as I thought they were.
87. I tell myself lies to convince myself that minivans aren’t lame.
88. Fold Flat Storage rocks.
89. The Fog sucks.
90. Unless you’re talking about KFOG out of San Fran.
91. KFOG out of San Fran is the BEST. RADIO. STATION. EVER.
92. It hurts when you step on carpet tacks.
93. When editing the code for a page “;” is the most important thing you need to remember.
94. Preview is a wonderful, wonderful thing.
95. Friends “in real life” who read your blog comment less than people you’ve never met. (with a few exceptions).
96. People on the West Coast aren’t nearly as friendly as people on the East Coast.
97. Arnold doesn’t take a salary for his work as Governor of CA
98. Barney may be annoying, but kids like him. Because he sings lots of songs.
99. 18 months is too young to try to potty train a boy.
100. Add 3 hours to how long it took you to get ready before kids. That’s how long it takes to get ready now.


Don Mills Diva said...

This, my friend, is a very impressive list!

Amanda said...

There are so many truths in that post that I wouldn't even know where to start agreeing! I am just learning many of the baby things mentioned, and I'm sure many of them are still to come...

Happy 300!

Vanessa said...

A few comments:
15- plus wheel spinning on Wheel of Fortune, or the cat walks by. Ouch
19 - I think they would concede that boys DO NEED clothing, but it needs not be anything more than utilitairan. Or just plain Ugly.
I'd like to add 51.5 - Multitasking becomes ever more important after you have kid.
100 - And you still don't get there on time.

Nice list. Seriously, what is UP with these Word Vers? nyrvrdae Holy crap that is hard to read

Samantha said...

Love it!!! Can't wait to read the rest!

Ashlee said...

I'm loving #4. Sooooo true. :0)

Tanya said...

Uh oh... I'm about to experience flying with an almost 1 year old on your lap...

Karen said...

All true! I hated how my son's wardrobe went from pastel baby doll to Casual Friday at the bank.