Thursday, August 07, 2008

Questions Google thinks I can answer...

1. What Counts as Weaned?

If you are talking about nursing, weaning is when your child no longer drinks their milk from your breast. That does not, however, imply that months, even a year or more later your child will not suddenly pull down or lift up your shirt to show off the goods in front of everyone at the grocery store. It also does not imply that he will stop putting his hands between the 'ladies' while he comforts himself to sleep. After all, if weaning did imply those things, there are some grown men who would not be considered 'weaned.'

2. Signs your Baby is hungry?

It depends on the age of the baby. If you're having the same troubles my friend is having now, the fact that he is simply alive and breathing could be a sign that he is hungry. Another signs is crying. However, that could also mean the following things: Baby is dirty, Baby is tired, baby is over stimulated, baby wants to be held, clothing is pinching baby, the dog is looking at the baby, and the baby needs to be burped.

3. Smell of Mothballs and breastfeeding

I know, this isn't a question. But, um, yeah. If you are smelling that, it's time to change your shirt. You probably went to Grandma's house to dig through boxes for old baby toys and leaked a bit. Or, your husband sent you a box so saturated with moth balls that the entire tri-state stinks of cancer causing chemicals.

4. Why do I have to wait until my baby is 4 months old to wean him?

You don't. You do what's best for you and your baby. If you cannot stand the thought of nursing him, or you are not winning the difficult battle that can be nursing a child, you don't wait. You just do it. When it's right for you. Every mommy and every baby is different.

5. You Know you're married when...

You consider buying a fart blanket for the bedroom.

6. Are Mothballs bad for babies?

Um. Yes. Mothballs are just plain bad for everyone and everything. Even mice and bugs are smart enough to stay away from the toxic things. That's why they work.

6. Blow up gophers with propane?

Maybe. Just maybe. Let me know how that works out. If it weren't for the crazy amount of holes in the neighborhood, I'd totally try it too.. But I'm afraid I'd blow up the whole zip code.

7. Is it dangerous to let baby scream while driving?

You should be worried about the fact that the baby is driving. Babies are meant to scream, but generally they are too little to drive. How do they steer and reach the pedals at the same time?


San Diego Momma said...

Oh my gosh! You NEED to have a fart blanket giveaway!

And if I win, I can stop sleeping on the couch after my husband eats boiled cabbage.

Ashlee said...

I loved your answer for the last one. Priceless. :0)

Lisa said...

OMG! Who knew that just reading a blog today would answer my prayers?? Love the fart blanket.