To wean... when, how, why? or Not.

*Disclaimer* UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DOES THIS POST IMPLY THAT I BELIEVE THAT ANYONE IS A LESSER MOTHER THAN ME BECAUSE THEIR CHILD WAS FED FORMULA. THIS POST IS ABOUT MY DILLEMA WITH WEANING MY CHILD. FORMULA IS GREAT. BREASTMILK IS GREAT. FEEDING YOUR CHILD. THAT'S WHAT COUNTS!!

First I must apologize. I am very very conflicted about this subject. So, bear with me as I dance around this subject, and pardon me if while during this dance I step on your toes.

A while ago, I blogged about why breastfeeding is such a controversial topic. Mainly, I believe because the breast has been so sexualized. In nearly every other part of the world women routinely nurse their children into toddlerhood (3 or so?). The baby is 9 months old now, and this is a regular topic that is up for discussion between my mother and I, my husband and I, and myself and I. I am writing this now in an attempt to discover what my plans are for weaning. After all, I don't want to just stop nursing him. How mean and traumatic would that be for a child baby who doesn't understand why that is happening? So.. since I plan on doing this gradually, I want to know HOW gradually should I do it? I have already started. He is eating solid foods, and is nursing on average 4 times per day. Once when he gets up in the morning, and once before each time he goes to sleep (two naps, one bedtime.)

I've done some research and this is what the general concensus for weaning is:

1. Do it gradually over weeks or better yet, months.
2. Have Daddy step in and help by feeding with bottles, etc.
3. Gradually replace nursing with expressed milk or formula until one year.
4. Nursing until 1 year is best
5. Most babies will eventually wean themselves.

So.. here's my issues/comments about this.

1. Do it gradually.. Duh. I don't want to just stop. That would be painful for both of us, and lets face it.. Mommy with boobs that hurt when the wind blows on them combined with Baby who screams like his limbs are being ripped off in a medieval torture device because Mommy is witholding those boobies?? I'm pretty sure it wouldn't end well. So. Gradually. Got it. I can do that.

2. Have Daddy step in and help. This is a toughie. Daddy is 7000 miles away. Daddy has been one of the people who I have felt pressure from to begin the weaning process. (I am not sure he means to, but I feel it... It's most likely internal.) Daddy is supposed to step in and give baby formula or expressed milk in a bottle during the feedings you are weaning the baby from. Problems with that: 1) Baby hates bottles 2) Baby hates formula 3) Baby hates expressed milk. Yes, the baby likes milk, but only if it is straight from the cow (er, I mean me). So what is a mommy to do? Doctor says "developmentally normal babies will not starve themselves at this stage. He will eventually drink the formula." Have you ever tasted formula? For a baby who is used to it fine, but a baby who is used to drinking sweet breastmilk isn't necessarily going to go for the iron-y tasting milk that some chemists have broken down and put back together into a powdery mess. Comparing the taste of formula to breastmilk is like comparing the taste between coffee and milk. Two different tastes. I personally think formula smells like sour milk... and the one time I did try to taste it I nearly threw up... So, I can't say that I blame the baby. Perhaps his issue is partly mine? At any rate.. If Daddy is going to "help" with the weaning thing and have it be truly successful, it's going to have to wait until December...

3. Gradually replace breastmilk with formula or expressed milk. I touched on this above. He hates formula, and won't drink expressed milk. He prefers it from the cow. So, there's no easy way here for me to "gradually" increase and decrease certain amounts until he's used to a certain taste.

4. Nursing until 1 year is best. I don't have any issues or comments. It probably is.

5. Most babies eventually wean themselves. I know this to be a fact. Why? I don't see any adult men chasing after their mothers to get a sip. I don't see any teenagers, or even older children doing this. The oldest child I've heard of nursing was 5. The thought of a child that old nursing creeps me out a bit.

I have spent a lot of time deliberating over this whole issue. While there seem to be lots of personal reasons for me to start seriously weaning... I can't really think of that many. Sure, it would be nice to have a drink without calculating how long I have before i can nurse, etc. Yes, it would be nice to be able to wear my NORMAL bras again.. (Oh how I long for that day!).. But... I don't drink that often, and when I do it's ONE beer, or ONE drink.. so whatever.. that much doesn't effect the baby. And my pretty pink lacy victorias secret bras will still be just as good in 6 months as they will be in 3.

The reasons for me to continue to nurse for now? There are tons of those. The baby hates milk unless it comes from me. The baby likes to nurse, because it comforts him. When he is upset it always calms him down. He doesn't bite anymore while nursing. It is truly nutrionally sound. He can't have ANY whole milk until he's one, he hates formula, remember. It puts him to sleep nearly every time. It is healthy for me. The more I nurse the lower my chances for serious cancers. It works wonders for quieting him up, nearly every time.. especially on airplanes.

Issues with continuing to nurse beyond these are solely ingrained by society. Our culture is truly conflicted about this subject as well, so of course I'm going to have issues. My baby is only 9 months old, but he's a giant. He's in freakin' 24 month clothes (though I have been known to cram him into smaller outfits because he hasn't worn them yet). So if I did have to nurse him out somewhere, people think I'm nursing a child who's a lot older. Our culture frowns upon nursing beyond the "teeny tiny baby" stage, yet the medical community is trying to get women to breastfeed until their babies are one. So unless I stay home all the time I have to put up with that crap. Just read the papers about women getting kicked off planes for nursing, etc. It's disgusting. (My baby nursed whenever he wanted to on the plane... It made for a much happier baby, a much happier mommy and a much quieter plane!) I also wonder sometimes if I'd had a girl if I would be feeling this much pressure to wean (internally and externally). If it was a girl, there wouldn't be a "sexual" issue going on.

So... here's what I'm going to do about weaning. Nothing. At least not right now. The baby is happy with his few feedings per day, I'm happy.. Because we can leave the house for the afternoon and he doesn't care if he skips his afternoon mommy milk. (he does ask for it when he gets home.) I am going to pray that he self-weans... I will only OFFER when he is ready for sleep. In a month or so, I quit offering in the morning, and then in another month at naptimes, and then maybe, MAYBE by the time he's one.. he'll quit asking demanding to be nursed. If he hasn't weaned himself by the time Daddy comes home, then at least It won't be so hard, right?