Friday, September 18, 2009

GOOOOD Morning!

Are you aware that we have not set an alarm clock and actually been able to sleep in until it went off for over a year? Almost two? Little Monster gets up with -- and often before the sun. Every. Morning. Even on Saturday.

In the early days of the whole "no alarm clock needed" phase of our life, we'd wake to screams and cries. That morphed into "MOMMY!!! DADDY!!!!! OUT!!! WET ME OOOWWWWWT!!! Most recently we wake up because of doors slamming followed by demands to be taken to the bathroom.

This morning was no different, except that we had the rare occasion that we didn't have to BE anywhere bright and early. No one was coming over, chores were going to be skipped, and Daddy didn't need to be to work before the sun thought about getting up. So, we told Little Monster to just go to the bathroom. Daddy coached him into moving his stool and putting the seat on. I reminded him to "hold it down" so that the littlest fire hose didn't spray the entire bathroom. And we tried to go back to sleep.

Emphasis on "tried."

After Little Monster used the bathroom, it started. It was as if someone turned a switch on the back of his head and suddenly every little thought that came into that little boy's head came spilling out of his mouth. My mom used to tell me I had verbal dysentery. Who knew it was genetic?

Mom, the sun up? Yes, mom. The sun up. Get up mom. Mom, I tell you a story. A story, mom. A story about a Mommy. There was a mommy who went in a cave and she was in the water. It dark. And then Mommy fall down in water. And yell at daddy get hers swimsuit. And turn the wights on. And then Mommy fall down in da water. And da owange joker come and Daddy wide on owange motorcylce. And joker push mommy down in dark water in da cave. And it dark. And mommy well about hers swimming suit. The end. You like that story mommy? I tell you story about a cave and water and swimming. Daddy owange joker and he push you down and wide on owang motorcycle.

It went on like that for a while. So we got up and got dressed. And we went to drop Daddy off at work. I thought surely, the narrative would stop.

Mommy, the owange motorcycle. Look! I see joker house! It wight dere! Mommy, wacecars need headlights? No. da track is lit. ha ha ha dat funny! Mommy. I need mine skateboard. I pway wif it. wight now. NO, it is in a wittle bit. WE go to fwiends house aday mommy? Is it amorrow? YAY! it amorrow! We go to fwiends house! Mommy - this a timer. It beeping. See? Now it not beeping. Now it is. Now it not. Now it is. Now it not. What is dis mommy? What is dis den? Mommy, i need sit in yours lap. Mom, I want this open, me get this in there. Mom, thank you. Dat in da wiving woom. I want other one. Mom, this mine stuff. I want my softball me wooking for. Mom, a me hold this mom..... Mom what is this? It say "boop boop boop boop" (turns on game) What is this mom? See it boop boop boop. (shuts off game) What is this mom?

I was warned a long time ago by my mother that "someday I would have a child JUST LIKE ME." If this is what I was like, maybe I'll be lucky enough to have two.

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