Worries Worries...

Let the worrying begin. I knew as a mom I would worry, but I didn't know how bad it would be. I worry about everything. I never thought I would be obsessed with the color and consistency of another person's poop, but I am finding myself worrying about that among many other silly things. Is it normal for a baby to have hiccups several times a day for what seems like an hour each time? Is it normal for his little lip to quiver half way through a feeding when he is getting ready to start eating again? How much sleep is normal? Can I let him sleep through the night if he wants to or do I need to wake him up and make him eat halfway through the night? Is he breathing when he doesn't wake up and want to eat? What is that noise that he just made? Is it okay that some nights I am so tired that instead of listening to him make noises in the bassinet that I just lay him on my chest and let him sleep in bed with me? Is it okay that he turns red and cries every time he has to poop (which is quite often.. About every 2 hours)? Is he warm enough at night? Is he too warm at night? Is he crying because he doesn't feel good, or is he really hungry again even though I finished feeding him only 45 minutes ago?? Am I making enough milk to satisfy him? Is that why he is hungry again? Why is he sleeping so much today? Is the bath water too hot? Too cold?

There is this constant barrage of questions and worries running through my mind. His pediatrician says that she would worry more if I worried less, so that makes me feel good. Sometimes I will ask my mom something and she will get a smile on her face and tell me that it is completely normal. The biggest freak out I've had is when his poo turned green. It is supposed to be yellow from everything I've read and learned... But apparently the vitamin drops (the APA now recommends babies who are exclusively breastfed take vitamin D drops to prevent rickets and brittle bone disease?) had iron in them, which I think changed his output to a different color. The drops smell so nasty I wonder how anyone would want to eat them, so I am going to try to find a different set... But another thing I worried about, him getting too much iron. :) I know that as he grows the worries will change from being poo based to being about even scarier things like drugs, sex and all that crazy stuff that you worry about when they get older.. And then there's the girl he's going to marry... I just hope she's nice and that we get along... Can she be like me? I mean, I get along great with my in-laws, and I try really hard to make sure they are involved... Can I get so lucky?? Maybe I should quit worrying about that for now, and get back to the green poo??

He is growing up so fast! And he is STRONG.. The nickname "bam bam" that he got from Daddy's shipmates is all too appropriate.. He can already pick his head up and turn it when he is on his tummy, and the other day, I had him in my lap reclining, and he sat himself up.. Granted, he couldn't maintain that position, but he was able to get himself into a sitting position before he leaned over.... It makes me wonder when he'll be doing these things for real? He has been pretty clingy the past couple of days, but maybe it isn't that.. Maybe its that I feel good enough that I feel the need to start doing more around the house... Like laundry, filling out his baby book, and perhaps getting a shower? And now that I want to do that, he doesn't sleep for long by himself... :) Daddy will be home on Tuesday, so I really want to get things organized before then so that we can spend time with him rather than spending time working on things around the house... It's getting very very exciting around here!!

The Daily Grind...

So.. I guess I am getting used to having a little bundle around... Although, I can't really say that I am getting used to it, because honestly, I am having a hard time remembering what life was like without him. We have been busy in the last week. I am as fully recovered as I think I can be... I really won't be fully recovered until week 6, but I feel pretty normal already.. Except for the fact that my body has changed forever.. that doesn't matter as much as soon as I look at my little Milk Monster's face though. Our schedule is pretty tight. He eats about every two hours.. So If I want to leave the house, then I pretty much have to be prepared to listen to his wailing starving screams, or feed him wherever I go... Getting anywhere takes a lot longer than it used to... Mostly because I have to feed him right before we leave, and then there is the whole getting in the shower and getting him dressed... That alone can be quite an issue as he usually will fill his pants right before we are ready to leave somewhere. :) I love him still...
Daddy will be back in the states tomorrow, and home next week! I am getting really excited for that. This has probably been the longest 6 month deployment we have been through, except that he left a few weeks late, so it really hasn't been a full 6 months for the two of us... I know daddy can't wait to meet his little man... I expect to be fully absent for the entire holiday season because Daddy will be home then...
Anyways, the kid and I are getting used to life together... He loves his Momma, and I love him.. :) How could you not love this??

The Milk Wizard

Okay, so it was really a lactation consultant.. But she was a miracle worker!! I was so ready to give up on the whole breastfeeding thing, which was completely depressing to me.. My entire life was consumed with pump, feed the baby, sleep or eat or do laundry. Start over... The pump/feedings took an hour, then there is an hour off...

I went to see her today, and she really helped me teach him that there was something yummy to be found.. So far today, I've only had to give him 1 oz by bottle, and that was only to settle him down because he was hysterical from being so hungry... Everything else has been all me.. So when I pumped this time, it was because I WANTED to so I can build up a supply for my hubby so he can feed the litte tyke when he gets home.. It will help with the whole bonding thing... But it is really nice, because I feel more free than I did before.. I feed the baby when he is hungry, and that's it... It may still take an hour sometimes if we are having issues, but it is a heck of a lot more relaxing to feed him that way than to listen to the droll of the pump for 20 to 30 minutes every two hours!

Announcing...

I finally had my baby!!! And had blogger been working last night, I would have posted this then.. I have been meaning to post for quite some time, but as things go with a new baby, I have been pretty busy. This post will probably be quite long to compensate.

So, Sunday morning I went into labor... for real. I was having some contractions that weren't exactly comfortable.. I took a nap and around 4:00, I woke up to one that was really uncomfortable.. By 6:00 or so, they were 5 minutes apart. I called my midwife, and she said I sounded too "perky" to come in.. Which was fine.. I was having some back labor so I got into the shower and smashed my back into the shower wall while I leaned on the other one.. And that helped so well that at one point, I stopped smashing, thinking the contraction was over, and quickly realized it wasn't. I called back when they were 3 minutes apart, and the midwife was supposed to call me back... Well, she didn't for an hour.. At that point I started to panic a bit.. So I called back again, and she called me back while I was on hold with them... So... She told me to come in.. I was 7 cm dilated when I got there, so I didn't have much longer to go!! My water broke shortly after I got there, and that was exciting.. I was able to have a nearly entirely natural labor! I did fine until my SECOND water broke.. (yes, I had two!) then I the contractions got out of control. I had a shot of fentanol, and was good, well my mom said I got really funny at that point.. But I was fine. I started pushing at 3:00 and at 5:24 my little man arrived!!! He was 9 lb 10 oz and 21 3/4 inches long.. YES he was a BIG BIG Baby!! So many moms want to tell their pregnancy/delivery horror stories, but mine was picture perfect! My mom and sister were there, Kelly taped and my mom coached me and rubbed my back. I also had my midwife there from the beginning (one of the wonderful things about having a midwife rather than a doctor). Besides that there was the nurse I had, and a student. It was literally one of the most empowering, spiritual and wonderful experiences of my life... It is amazing how much our bodies can go through and how quickly they can recover... It also made me wonder how anyone who has given birth can question the existance of God... I used prayer a lot during childbirth, and I have to tell you it worked.. Every time the contractions got too intense, I would pray, and I would get a little break... When it came time to pushing and I got tired, I would pray for a longer break between, and it came... I could talk about it forever. =o)
We came home on Halloween, they let me bring him home early, becasue I hated being in the hospital. The only condition was that he had to go get weighed at the Pediatrician's office the next day. When we got there we were told he was losing weight too fast.. (babies lose weight if they are breastfed because milk doesn't come in right away).. They had us start supplementing with formula. And that has been the beginning of a huge mess.. After being told he was going to be put in the hospital if he didn't start gaining weight, I freaked out.. So formula came first, and I came second.. My milk came in finally, but now he is having trouble latching on because of the formula stuff.. He is getting breastmilk in a bottle, and I have a meeting with a lactation consultant tomorrow to see what we can do... He just SCREAMS bloody murder nearly every time he sees one of my "girls" and pushes it away.. Now, I know he is only a few days old, but it is still a little traumatic for me.. We'll get through it though, I just have to keep the positive attitude I've had the whole time.
All in all, though he is my perfect little man.. He IS a man.. Demanding and hungry. I feel like all I do is pump and feed him.. but that's okay.. If you could meet him you would understand why I don't mind. Daddy is super excited to meet him and is greedy for pictures! He wants more pictures all the time.. I think I have already sent him close to 40, but that just isn't enough.. =o) But who can blame you when he is this darn cute???