Caffeine Inspired Conversation

Okay, so perhaps a little bit inspired by this post. Normally, I wouldn't link to her, because she's all famous and stuff, and I'm soooo not famous, so it isn't like my linking to her is going to help her traffic. But, you need the background story. But I thought this was a particularly funny post. And I was reading it to Not the Momma... and he said:

NTM: Wow. That sounds like us. Only You're the Jon.
Me: What, you mean because your parents think Jesus sent me?
NTM: Yeah
Me: Jesus did send me to you.

pause

NTM: Jesus hates me.

He has a way of making me feel special sometimes. Yeah, as special as the dog turd that's stuck in the bottom of Little Monster's shoe, getting squashed all over the driveway. That's the kind of special I am. Yeah. I guess it's better than the special that gets finger quotes, special. Maybe. I'm still not sure.

I'm still shaking...

You see, I am not a law-breaker. I haven't been pulled over in... in.... in...


hmmm. How long has it been since I've been pulled over. There was the time when I was with all my friends and I got pulled over for running a light that I (Vanessa, Gretchen, Ron and Brent were in the car too) SWEAR didn't exist. And, there's the time I was pulled over with Gretchen for speeding. Gretchen wasn't in the car this time. I was just in a hurry to get home.

At any rate, both of those times were before it was legal for me to walk into a bar. So, let's just say it's been a while. So, when those lights flashed behind me, I thought for sure he was pulling someone else over. Because I'm a good girl. I don't do bad things. But as it turns out, when I do I get caught. Every. Time. Which is part of the reason why I don't do bad things.

I went through the papers that I gave the officer last night. There was a Nebraska Insurance card for Schmitty. I assume that was the temporary one we got until we got the California one, since we acquired the vehicle on a weekend. The California paper was right behind the Nebraska one. I guess he didn't really look through all of the papers I had. Then, I started wondering (like a fool) if maybe the "California Proof of Financial Responsibility" might not be proof of insurance. But it has to be. This state is just messed up, and has to call it "proof of financial responsibility" instead of "insurance card." Right?

The best part about the whole deal is that the ONE morning of the week that I have somewhere to be EVERY week is the morning I have to appear in traffic court. Of course! With my luck I'll also be sick as a dog that day.

So, does anyone know... Is there a way to send my proof of insurance in and pay the court fee ahead of time? How much is a traffic "court fee" exactly. Did I want the speeding ticket instead? Lots of questions today. And sadly, I'm not sure any of my readers, except maybe 2, live in California.

le sigh.

Oh well. I'm off to pick strawberries. Again. Because no one has rhubarb. Not having rhubarb is making it hard for me to make the fantabulous secret recipe pie that I crave so much and wanted to take to share with friends next week!

By the way. I hope you're having a better day than yesterday. Even if you thought yesterday was the best. day. ever.

On my way home...

It was a warm night, the sun was setting over the ocean as I drove down the Pacific Coast Highway, top down, wind blowing in my hair. The music was blaring, rocking out. I came home, my baby kissed me and went to bed. Then, I spent some quality time with the husband.

And that's a true story.

At least it would have been if the night had been warm and clear. It was cloudy, cold, and drizzly foggy night. I don't have a convertible, so I wasn't exactly driving with the top down, and since it was cold Schmitty's windows were all closed. The music wasn't exactly blaring either. And the fantasy ended when I saw a white motorcycle tailgating me. Only it wasn't just any motorcycle. It was the CHP. Yup. I was pulled over. I was going 70 something in a 65. Just like every other person on the road. But, it was foggy, so I probably should have been going the speed limit. And yeah, I admit, I do kinda look like some sort of drug pusher in my light blue minivan. You never know.

No, I didn't get a speeding ticket. Instead I have to appear in court because I didn't have proper insurance paperwork. So, I guess that's better than the speeding ticket I was about to get. It's correctable, so I just have to prove that I had insurance at the time I was pulled over. That's a good thing right? So my little prayer about not getting a speeding ticket, that worked, right?

Oh, my.

Why I watch Channel 8 News

I love guys who have a dry sense of humor. But this anchor (Dan Green), he takes the cake. His sense of humor and quick wit, well, they are the reason why I watch Channel 8 News. You never know what he's going to say.

Last night, he got lucky, though. We were busy shoving our faces with food, watching the news while he was narrating a news story about how California is going to do something to protect the ocean and beaches. The entire time he's reading the story there was some stock beach footage. When he was done with the footage he says... "And this would be the ocean." As if somehow there should have been a picture of a puppy on the screen while he had been talking about the news story, or perhaps we didn't know what the ocean was, even considering this is coastal California. As soon as Not the Momma and I heard that, we both nearly choked to death. I actually had to get up and leave the table I started laughing so hard.

I know, this is kind of like an inside joke. But the inflection that this guy uses, and his snarky remarks about some of the things that go on. They crack me up. I am going to try to watch more often, and keep a note of his comments. Because I feel the need to share this guy with the world. Everyone needs a smarty pants news anchor, and Channel 8 has one.


P.S. I'm sorry I missed PrompTuesday this week! But you should check it out!

Saturday's Random Moments

Me: Look at those toes! Mama needs a pedicure!

Not the Momma: Mama needs to get over it. Be like the women in the 1930's. HARD!CORE!

---

As we are leaving the donut shop, a guy in a car pulls up blasting What is Love. We both immediately start doing the "Night at the Roxbury" dance and head nod. When the guy parks, he doesn't just shut off his car, he continues to blast the song until it is finished, leaving all of the people in the parking lot giggling uncontrollably.

---

And a note to you -- We most certainly did NOT swear off Target. I was just saying that yeah, maybe I shouldn't go there.. Because then we leave with a skateboard for the Little Monster, a BIG bouncy ball, and the game Catch Phrase. Because that place rocks, and they have everything. You can always find something you didn't know you needed!

Friday Fun!

I don't remember where I found this... But, yeah. Let's just say in the 1930's, it was a LOT easier to be a good husband that it was to be a good wife...

We took this test several times, We each took the test as we viewed ourselves, then we took the test to see how we view each other.

So. My scores:

53 As a 1930s wife, I am Average Take the test!

As Not the Momma Views me:

51 As a 1930s wife, I am Average Take the test!

I think my low score has something to do with my stocking feet, and then there's that problem with how I don't ask permission before planning things...

My view of Not the Momma:

121 As a 1930s husband, I am Very Superior Take the test!

His view of himself:

102 As a 1930s husband, I am Very Superior Take the test!

So, Apparently, I think a bit more of Not the Momma than he does of himself... But then, he is a pretty good guy. And, me, I'm a lazy slob. You already knew that though!

How do YOU rate as a 1930's spouse? How does your spouse rate? Take the test and let me know. Or just take the test and laugh at the questions. Either way. Have fun!

And that's why I should boycott Target

Number of items we went to get:

1. 8.5 x 11 college ruled loose leaf paper.
Total Cost $2.50-ish

Number of items we purchased:

1. Nightlight
2. Pillow for Little Monster
3. 2 Dollar Books for Little Monster
4. 2 Jars Alfredo for dinner
5. 1 set note cards printed with cherries
6. 3 single serving soups for Not the Momma's Lunch
7. Plastic spoons for Not the Momma to eat soups with
8. 1 pkg cool whip, for my blueberry cobbler
9. Face sunscreen
Total cost $60.00

Do you notice a problem with that list? They don't have paper in 8.5 x 11 college ruled loose leaf.

And that, my friends is why I should stop going to Target.

A Letter To You

Dear You,

I'm thinking of you today.

But my brain is scattered and scrambled. I didn't get a chance to call, email or leave a comment on your blog. But I do want to say HI! How are you today? Is everything going okay?

I understand those days when nothing seems to be going right, and no matter how many times you start to write a blog post, (5 for me today), the thoughts never seem to complete themselves. It is one of those days where I can't complete one task without jumping to the next. Right now, in fact, My dishwasher is half emptied. I have no idea why I came over here to type this. Laundry sits unfolded, the house is half-clean, things are half-done. Interruptions are everywhere.

At any rate, I hope you're having a good day. And if you aren't, well, I hope things change really quickly.

Here's what we should do. Let's sit and relax. Close our eyes, and breathe in, breathe out. Pray. That helped me. How about you? Yeah? Good.

Now, tomorrow, when things get crazy. Remember to ask someone for help. Even if it is outside of your comfort zone. Because you'd be surprised what will happen! If you see someone needing help, stop and offer. Then, because we allowed someone to have a better day, the world is a better place.

Remember, He loves you!

Love,

Me

PrompTuesday #14

Is late really better than never? I hope so. I loved this Prompt. Mostly because it required me to sit, and relax for a few minutes. I have spent the past few days sick, running on fumes but pretending I had a full tank. I'm here now. I'm alive. Hopefully I'll be posting on my regular schedule soon!

Thanks, Deb for this one!

PrompTuesday #14.

Go here and listen to the song. No rules, except the 10 minute one.

I literally typed as I listened to the song. Images flickered in my head like a dream, and I typed what I saw, what I felt. It is short, but that's because for a few minutes, I allowed myself to be still.

It is peaceful.
Prairies, Wildflowers, Blue sky, slight breeze. Warm enough to wear short sleeves and a 'flowy' skirt. I'm standing in that field.
Our Lord and Saviour. He's here. I can feel him. He's my answer.
Peace.
Heaven.
Friends, love, peace, happy tears.
My heart slows down, My worries escape me. For a moment, I'm sitting here. Calm. He is here. No matter what.
Sleep.



Okay... so, yeah. No editing (except typos) either. That's what I typed. :) Hope everyone had fun with that one!

Just a little..

...graphical representation of my current feelings:

Flaky is good in a pie crust....

But not so good for a Bloggy Buddy.

Reasons Really bad excuses for being a no-show at BlogHerNot this weekend.

1. I'b sthiiiick... for the forty umpteen millionth time this year.


2. We finally got the drink mixer? I found out that mixing drinks directly into your mouth -- not such a good idea?


3. Schmitty the minivan tried to kill me.

It doesn't really matter. My Dad always accused me of writing the book of excuses... We really didn't get the drink mixer, but wouldn't that be nice?

Okay... Are you ready for the true story?

Here goes:

I was all psyched up! Even after a grueling week of volunteering at Vacation Bible School, I was really excited!

First, I had to drop off Little Monster at the sitter's. We got a little lost along the way.

After I finally got him dropped off, I had to get my hair done.

I didn't want to show up to BlogHerNot looking like I normally do:

Then, I got a bit confused about where BlogHerNot really was. After driving around for hours, I ran into some friends from high school. They convinced me to hang out for a while. It was still early, and I thought I had plenty of time to show up.

My watch stopped half way through the night. And apparently, they were slipping something into my cokes. Which, in turn, led to other things being slipped to me. The night didn't turn out like I planned, but hey, we made a couple of bucks. (Some identities have been concealed for their protection.)

I wish I had made it to BlogHerNot, though. I probably would have met some new friends and had a great time. It seems like everyone else had a blast. And I hope everyone got home okay.

Seriously, you should go check out Mommy Pie. She's got a rundown of all of the BlogHerNot goodness that happened. That I totally flaked on. There was a lot of good times. As for me, get out your heaviest rolling pin and put me in a pan, because I know how to flake better than your average pie crust.

A Day to be Proud of.

Not really. Yesterday was our six year anniversary. Not the Momma spent gobs of money on a beautiful bouquet of flowers -- with thought. It includes six yellow roses -- one for each year of marriage. Yellow Roses were the main flower for our wedding. The picture doesn't do it justice. Don't mind the mess around the flowers. It's been a busy week.

I, in turn, did nothing for Not the Momma. How lame is that? Not even a card. I whined a LOT about how he missed our #5 last year, which resulted in this. Because I whined about how he always buys me flowers, and they wilt and die, and blah blah blah. Let me tell you, I'm glad for the flowers. I may not have any physical reminder of the flowers once they wilt and die, but it's better than the physical reminder that 8,000 calories of chocolate leave behind.

Honey -- I'm sorry I suck. I love you. More than I did the day we got married.

Friday Fun!

I got this from I'm A Smart One, a blog I found during NaComLeavMo. I thought it was a pretty neat.

So, here's this week's Friday Fun.



I like that the word "praying" is in the center. Because despite everything, I do try to keep my faith as the center of my life.

What does your image look like?

Why I cried today... (and photos)

I guess it's better than because I was having a break down in the grocery store parking lot because my minivan tried to kill me. I can pretend it's because I'm nog toing to BlogHer, but this song always does it to me:



Every time. I managed to hold it together the first TWO times we sang it. But the third time, as the parents were arriving to pick up their children, the tears poured down. And I imagined they were staring at me because I looked like an idiot crying at Vacation Bible School. And then, I realized they were staring at me. And I got paranoid.

But then I realized I was wearing this (coincidentally, it's also what I've been wearing to psyche myself up for BlogHerNot 2008):





I looked like an idiot. Not just any idiot, but an idiot who was crying and having fun while wearing ridiculous headgear. Yup. That's pretty much me. Every Day.

And then there's the photos for those of you that wanted to see:

Worlds most poorly frosted and decorated birthday cake (thought and work does count. Especially when I have to beat off 33 year old hands from stealing my frosting):

World's cutest kid hamming it up for the camera. He has decided to say "tcheeeez" when he sees the camera now. I'm not sure who exactly taught him that, but uh, yeah...

Looks like Little Hammy didn't care about how poorly the cake was frosted!

I apologize. I really should split this up into two posts, or do something different, but eh. I'm tired. I've been running around with kids who insist that we hop like bunnies everywhere we go. So, yeah. I'm beat. And that's a lot of work. Apparently, so is writing a complete sentence.

A Dilemma

It's a pretty common one in the blogosphere, I think. It has come up with a couple of my new "real-life" friends that I have a blog. And that I blog regularly. And they want to read it. I've been a bit hesitant about sharing the URL, though. This place started as a sort of 'mass update' for the friends and family. It has gone through a sort of metamorphosis.

No longer is this just a place where I can write little anecdotes about what Little Monster, Not the Momma and I are up to, but it is a place where I retreat to when the world is a little too much to handle.

Several of my real-life friends know about the blog, and a few read and comment on a regular basis. My mother reads, so it isn't like I'm going to be doing any explicit blogging about my sex life, or about crazy things that I wouldn't tell anyone on the street corner. But still, this blog, it's me. Hard core me. And the friends that read, well, they already know and love me, quirks and all. I'm a bit worried about what my new friends would think if they read this here piece of me.

Again, I'm not sure about why I'm so insecure about this. It isn't like I hide anything from anyone. In fact, that's the one thing my husband gets irritated with me about the most. I'll pretty much tell you anything if you ask.

So. What should I do? Am I being silly and insecure? Or do I have genuine fears.

And now a note from Little Monster:

TTTTTTTTTTTTGFFDVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV FREWXXXQWQ34 EWQQQQQQQQQQQQWWW.

And also -- I'll try to get those pictures of my most wonderfully terrible birthday cake in on Sunday. I'm thinking of joining Weekly Winners. Good Idea? Bad Idea? What do you think??

PrompTuesday # 13

Deb posted the new prompt this morning. But I was too much of a mess to do it this afternoon. Thanks to Schmitty's attempt on my life in the grocery store parking lot. Yes. I'm still bitter. It still hurts. Especially when I try to wear my sunglasses on my head all cute and Mary-like. Ask anyone. I haven't gone a day without sunglasses on my head since I was 15. Until today. And it's no fun.

So, here's the deal. 250 words or less. 10 minutes. Today, I'm throwing in the fact that I'm going to just type for 10 minutes. NO major edits. usually I type full on for five, and allow myself five minutes to go back and re-do everything. And yeah. If I end up a crying mess on the floor, It's not Deb's fault. It's Schmitty's. I blame Schmitty.

Oh yeah, this is PrompTuesday, not listen to Mary complain about her aching head. Here's the prompt:

Wait!” I screamed after her. “Your hat!”

She ignored me, which was to be expected. We hadn’t talked, not really anyway, in more than 10 years. I scooped up her black hat. The mesh veil fluttered beneath my fingers…

I couldn't help but think about the last time I saw her. She was moving out of my apartment. I didn’t like her boyfriend -- the boyfriend who became her husband. I had made it clear on several occasions that I thought he was a jerk, so she chose him over me. It still stung a little every time I remembered the fight we'd had and the words I'd said.

The fog was rolling in. Thick fog. The kind that manages to creep under your clothes and make you damp and cold, no matter how warmly you are dressed. It made the cemetery look like something out of a B-rated horror flick. Standing there, watching her walk away into the fog I got a shiver.

“Hey! Wait!” I yelled again and chased after her, hoping that we'd somehow be able to talk. I was hoping that somehow I could fix the rift I’d caused all those years ago. Hoping that now that he was gone, we could be friends again.


*****TIME!*****
Darn.

And now, my friends, tis time for me to go nurse my throbbing head.

Just in case you were wondering...

After all of my whining about how the commissary didn't have any heathly frozen dinner options, we ate the best. dinner. ever.


Really. I swear. Not the Momma came home and I told him my sad sad story about how Schmitty tried to kill me and how I tried to kill all of those old people at the commissary (you must understand that it is the 15th, and they all got their paychecks, and it is seriously, like, the busiest. day. of the month.), with my potty mouth. So, because I refused to buy microwave TV dinners, or frozen pizzas, because of the nutritional value (or lack thereof) we didn't have anything to cook for dinner.

We went to Long John Silvers. And had deep fried fish, chicken, french fries, hush puppies, and... what else? Those greasy little crunchy things. We ate deep fried beer batter for dinner.

Sounds like Nutrition won out after all, huh??

This post was for you Ashlee!! We did have our 'straight to the drive-thru' dinner tonight. Tomorrow? Well, I don't think we'll be so lucky. We'll have to eat all of the fresh veggies we have in order to make up for the grease we ingested tonight.

Another Edition of Good Idea Bad Idea:

...when I'm past this terrible, terrible mood, maybe I'll be able to write something coherent for PrompTuesday. For now, here's some more Good Idea Bad Idea.

Good Idea:Vacation Bible School: So. Much. Fun. I love spending time with the kids. They are a great group.

Bad Idea: (for the Commissary) Remodeling the freezer section the ONE week I really don't have the energy to make dinner... (and I'm sure many other volunteers for VBS feel the same way.)

Bad Idea: (for the Commissary) Keeping the ENTIRE ice cream section, the ENTIRE frozen pizza section, yet, not having ANY room for frozen vegetables or anything with any modicum of nutrition.

Good Idea: (for the Commissary) Posting a note that says: "Sorry. If you don't see it your out of luck." Even if it was worded a bit more tactfully and professionally. And While it does qualify in the "good idea" category. It doesn't make it better for anyone who's looking for frozen veggies.

Good Idea: (for the Commissary) Encouraging employees to please look in the back for some chicken voila OR some chicken crock pot meals, It is highly appreciated.

Bad Idea: (for the Commissary) Coming back with an attitude that says a lot more than your signs.

Good Idea: Shopping somewhere else!!!

Bad Idea: Running out of money. So, I guess I'll still shop there.

Good Idea: Opening the back of the Schmitty to put groceries in, and doing so.

Bad Idea: Breaking down in the parking lot of the Commissary while the whole world watches. Because you're tired, they didn't have anything you came to get(except coffee creamer, milk and zipper bags) and Schmitty, your beloved minivan, just tried to make a new orifice in your skull above your ear.

Good Idea: keeping control and not throwing the (impulse buy) watermelon across the parking lot at all the people staring at you because before you could regain control a few words slipped out of your mouth at a higher than normal volume in front of your young impressionable toddler after your minivan tried to kill you by automatically closing the door for an unknown reason.

Bad Idea: writing the longest run on sentence ever. (readers, BREATH IN!)

Worse Idea: freaking out your kid because you are crying.

So. I wonder how much trouble I'd be in if I purchased that Friday Fun thing and instead of pouring drinks into a cup, I just had the tap mix them directly into my mouth? Yeah, that would probably turn into another "Good Idea, Bad Idea."

Ah, life...

...Sometimes it gets in the way of blogging...

Saturday was Not the Momma's birthday. It went slightly better than Father's Day. And by slightly, I mean -->this<-- much. Friday night blew. I mean, we had fun at the bar and all. Little Monster had his popcorn, I had my yummy cheeseburger and beer. And then, it was over. For some reason, I came home, and my body was all: "Hey, guess what. You're going to be the age of 95 for the rest of the night! Have fun with this Par-TAY!" I tossed and turned all night long. All. Night. Long. I didn't even get close to sleep until 3:00 AM. And as if Little Monster knew I had just fallen asleep, he let out the loudest blood curdling scream I've ever heard escape his jowls -- that was a feat, let me tell you. I sat up in bed, aggravating the hip and shoulder pain I'd just managed to ignore. He got quiet again, but I went in to check on him. What was wrong? Nothing. Sleeping peacefully. Crazy kid.

It took me another 20 minutes or so to get to sleep. Fast Forward to 4:13AM. Remember that last paragraph? Go back and re-read it. Do that every hour until about 6:30 AM. When I quit going in to check on him. At 7:30, Daddy got up and took Little Monster out to get donuts (and even got me my favorite kind so when I woke up I could have a Saturday donut). Then went to do some work on our fifth wheel. Where he caught the plague because he was bitten by a flea from the mouse that we finally caught. I stayed in bed. And slept. On HIS birthday, he got baby duty first thing in the morning. How nice was that? That guy, he sure is a keeper.

I toiled all evening to make him a kick-butt dinner of LaChoy canned Chinese food. Served on a bed of fresh(ly opened) chow mien noodles. With sides of frozen and heated egg rolls and crab rangoon. He picked dinner. Whatev' The cake I made rocked.

Pictures to come later. When I don't have a Vacation Bible School Headache. More on that later too.

Happy Birthday Baby!

Whether you're sweating out in the heat, preparing to visit Mickey's Hell House....
Being a human carnival ride...
Or shoving choking hazards (popcorn) into the baby at a bar (on family night)...

You are a wonderful Daddy.

We love you sweetie. Happy Birthday!

Friday Fun...

... So, I'm totally copying Cali from GeekBrief.TV. I have a lot to worry about should I end up in the hospital in a coma. I think my husband might be able to knock down all of the other geeks trying to get a piece of that Cali Lewis action with one swoop of his arm. Yeah, maybe I should be nicer to him and start buying him some of those geeky-but-chic gadgets she spotlights. I'm not sure if it's her charming good looks or all of the gadgety goodness (Not the Momma's words) that draws him to the show. That, and the fact that he can download it using the Tivo. (heh heh gadgety GOODness!!!)

I'd start with this one. Oh, how fun would our Fridays be if only we had this $500 contraption. It would work in our house and in our RV. I could have my mixed drinks without any troubles. Push a button, and viola! A cosmo!!

The counter-top spout

This is the under-counter view.

Oh, the fun. Fun Fun Fun Fun Fridays. But I suppose, Saturdays would be a lot more painful. What gadget would make YOUR Fridays more fun??

Fun Thursday!

Today I went to the aquarium with some gals I go to bible study with. We had fun, like we always do. We visited the child's area or "Splash Zone."

While it was a fairly enjoyable experience I have to say that people are pretty rude. Either that or I have a sign on my back that says "Please push me out of the way so that you can see the pretty fishies. Don't mind that I'm lugging a toddler around, or that he'd really like to see the fish. We don't exist. Also, please feel free to take a picture of the fish by shoving your hand right in front of my face. Walk in front of me and stop. I know I'm standing 1 1/2 feet away from the exhibit. That's so you can squeeze your 4 meter diameter body between me and the exhibit, thereby blocking the exhibit and shoving us to the other side of the room."

I kid. Sort of. There weren't very many people there. There was plenty of room. But the people that were there were generally pushy and rude. A lady actually stood next to me and shoved her arm in my face to take a picture of a fish. In the child's area. This lady did not have children in the child's area.

As I told my friend I would upon arrival, I did a LOT of praying today. I did a lot of praying for forgiveness for the nasty and evil thoughts that were running through my head. And a lot of praying for restraint. So that I didn't shove some cameras into places that are generally exit-only orifices. Now how Christian is that? Yeah. I'm not very patient sometimes.

Little Monster was a little overwhelmed. But that might be because some lady had just elbowed us about 3 or four times trying to look at "Dori and Nemo! DORI AND NEEEEEMOOOOOOO!!!" and get pictures. Because these were really the fish from the movie. What did you say? The movie was computer animated?! You're kidding me!!



PeekaBoo!! Yup. We're at a top rated aquarium, and we're playing peek-a-boo. Forget the fish. Where's mommy?

Good Idea, Bad Idea

Remember when Animaniacs used to do this segment?

Good Idea: Going grocery shopping.

Bad Idea: Thinking you have plenty of vegetable oil, and not buying any.

Good Idea: Baking the 'secret family recipe' pie you've been dying to bake since you first tasted your mother-in-laws marvelous creation. (It smells so good I think we might skip dinner)

Bad Idea: Not buying that vegetable oil at the grocery store.

Good idea: Going next door to retrieve 1/2 cup vegetable oil.

Bad Idea: Keeping your toddler up because you need the vegetable oil. Late naps make for cranky children.

Good idea: Getting a head start on dinner by making pasta salad ahead of time.

Bad idea: Boiling pasta for pasta salad for the entire time pie is in the oven. Because you were playing on the internet.

Pardon me...

...while I whine and complain. Pardon me while I behave in a completely insensitive manner to those people who have been evacuated from their homes.

Here on the central coast of CA, we get probably 3 good weather days per month, where it is warm enough to get out the swimming pool. Usually the highs are in the 5os or 60s, the fog is thick, and damp, and the ocean breeze makes it feel cooler than the actual temperature.

This week, the weather is supposed to ROCK. We're talking upper 70's, low 80's. But all of the smoke and ash from the fire south of Big Sur. It's raining on my parade. We can't play outside in the morning when it's warm, because the smoke is awful. I can't open the windows to my home, because the smoke is awful. Which makes it worse, because we don't have air conditioning. It gets hot and stuffy in here.

I know. It could be worse, I could be one of the people who had to flee their homes because of the fire. I could be without a home, because it has burned down. I am very grateful that we've been lucky so far.

However, I would like the ash and smoke from that fire to go away so that I can take my kid to the beach, and play in his pool, and go for walks and bike rides in the wonderful actually summer-like weather. Is that too much to ask?

PrompTuesday #12

Remember, PrompTuesday, courtesy of San Diego Momma? It's that time again. I've missed a couple because I've been traveling.

This week's PrompTuesday is to create a morality fable, like Aesop. She gave the example of the Ant & The Grasshopper, which inspired me to write a sequel to that tale:

Ant & The Grasshopper: The sequel.

The grasshopper learned a lesson from the ant about preparedness. So, from then on, he worked and saved until he had enough food for the winter. He worked hard, and had enough saved early in the year. After he had saved what he needed, plus a little extra, in case the winter was long, but after he was done, he resumed his singing and hopping and good times. The Ant tsked him, because he assumed that the grasshopper had returned to his foolhardy ways. The ant continued to work and toil all his life.

In the end, the grasshopper had a family, and fond memories of all of the good times they had, doing the things they liked. The Ant had to sit and listen to the grasshopper talk about all of the fun times he had, and was sad to learn that he had no fond memories of his own. He had spent his entire life working and toiling without taking time to do anything he enjoyed. He had a large cavern full of food, but he would die long before he'd be able to eat it all, and didn't have a family to share it with. The Ant wished he'd spent a little less time working and a little more time enjoying life and creating a family.

Top Ten Signs your child is hungry

10. He really wants the steaming bag of fudge from your walk with the dogs.

9. He's broken into the dog treats.

8. The Nerf football and basketball are being shredded as though they are food.

7. He steals a RAW zucchini and starts munching on it.


6. Your ears are bleeding from the high pitch screams he's emitting.

5. The cup of milk you needed for the pasta is no longer sitting on the counter. He has stolen it and is making short work of it.

4. He's climbed into his own high chair. By himself.

3. And put on his bib. By himself.

2. While sitting in his high chair and bib, he claps his hands together and says May-Men! over and over and over again.

1. He actually ate a meal that didn't contain any of the following: cheerios, cheese sticks, hot dogs fruit snacks, goldfish crackers, raisins or olives.

The Holiday Blahs

Ever since I moved away from our families, holidays have been kind of a let-down.

It all started with our first "married" Thanksgiving. I was very excited to cook my first Thanksgiving meal for my new husband. I spent days planning what I was going to make. Then, he came home sick from work on Wednesday. It wasn't your garden variety type of sick, either. The man had fluids escaping from every possible place fluids could escape from. I thought I was going to have to call him an ambulance. He was so sick that he could barely walk, and wouldn't have made it to the car. And, me carrying him? Well, that wasn't going to happen. So, our first thanksgiving was a bust. I made dinner on Saturday, but he was barely well enough to eat it, let alone enjoy it.

The holidays after that have been hit or miss. Christmas and Thanksgiving, we've either had family visit or have gone home every year, but the rest haven't been so memorable. Some holidays have been blown off completely. The others, we've tried to make a big to-do, but have always felt let-down by the end of the day. This Independence Day was no different.

We got up, and went to the grocery store because we were out of milk. Apparently, there was only one grocery store open withing 100 miles, because the entire Central Coast was there too. We spent $7 on a gallon of milk, because ALL of the other milk was raining from the cartons. We got sandwiches from Subway for lunch.

We then taught Little Monster how to throw pops and stomp on them to make them go. After nap time, the fog rolled in and the temperature dropped to about 55 degrees. We grilled hot dogs despite the cold weather and played outside, but something was still missing. Little Monster was in bed long before the fireworks. We were in our jammies watching Tivo'd re-runs of How I Met Your Mother when we heard them go off.

What a holiday, huh? I've always thought that when we had kids, the holidays would get better. We'd have a reason to do them up big. But, having a kid hasn't changed our holidays much at all. I think what is 'missing' is the fact that holidays were always big family affairs. Food and family, friends and games, and fun. So, the thing we're 'missing' here is the massive amounts of people. I think I'm going to start making holidays special. We will not do yard work or laundry. We will make a big deal out of them, and play and have fun. We will invite people over and have food and conversations. Because it isn't the DATE that makes the holiday memorable, it's what you do with it.

What do you do for holidays without family around? Do you blow them off, or do you do them up big anyway?

Noteworthy Conversations from our Vacation

Conversation 1:

Not the Momma overheard two men at Old Navy:
man1: How would I look in these? (holds up pants to himself)
man2: Honey, you'd look good in anything!

Our conversation following:
Me: Couldn't he just have been trying them on?
Not the Momma: No. Guys don't try things on. We pick it up, look at it for a second and buy it. If it doesn't fit when we get home, it becomes our newest rag.

Conversation 2:

On our way home from Nebraska:
Momma Mary: Little Monster, WHAT do you want!? Use your words! (frustrated to the point of breaking!)

Little Monster: Ma-Maw? Ba-Pa? (translation: Grandma, Grandpa?)

Momma Mary: sobs.

Conversation 3:

As we're watching the tail end of 2 mile long wall cloud that wreaked havoc in Omaha go right over us.

Momma Mary: Hmm, there's a storm coming. I KNOW! Let's go stand on top of the tallest hill and watch it go by!

Not the Momma: Would we do anything else? Let's take the baby.

Independence Day

Remember as you celebrate today that there are people working every day to maintain your right to "celebrate the birth of our country by blowing up a little chunk of it."

Happy Independence Day. Because it's the Fourth of July everywhere.

We're back. For Real.

We're back from a enjoyable vacation home to Nebraska.

Our tummies were satisfied with Runza goodness. I could probably write a novel on this trip, and all of the craziness that went on, but that might bore you. Well, maybe not. The people it would bore left when I didn't write for two weeks. I needed the break.

Craziness during our trip:

• Upon packing the trailer, we realized a mouse had decided to use my baggies as his new home. We had to sterilize the entire trailer. I still worried for the entire trip out that I was going to wake up and find Feivel looking at me.
• I-5. Did you know they are working on it? Did you know that even when you're going the speed limit a fifth wheel trailer and truck can go airborn? Neither did we. They can.
• Screaming. Screaming. Screaming. 4 days of screaming on the way to Nebraska.
• We didn't stop to eat (we ate food from our fridge) until we got to Nebraska and could get some Runza goodness.
• There were storms. OH were there storms! We stayed at the lake one weekend, and watched the wall cloud associated with this storm go right over us. We were spared, barely. It was a good thing, too, being as we were camping. In our trailer at the lake.
• All that Little Monster learned. It seemes like we got into the car, and the child's knowledge base tripled. He learned about trains (choo! choo!), deer, horses, cows and clouds.
• We spent a lot of quality time with family. I didn't visit any friends this trip, because I was planning on heading home for my 10 year high school reunion. That might not happen, because, well, the 5.00 gallon gas prices put a hurting on our pocket books. We're broke now. But it was worth it.
• We found a sonic blaster that sends sounds out to hopefully get rid of our little gopher friends. I'll keep you updated on the progress. Because you really want to know.

We had a great time, and life will return to normal shortly. It already kind of has. It's 11:30 and I've done nothing around the house. Even though it was clean when we left, it is trashed now. With all of our stuff from the trailer dumped into piles in places. I should probably go work on putting everything away. But first -- I think I need to go to Target and get a baby gift for my friend and her new little boy!