Instead of protesting a protest...

Perhaps it's because all of the pain is so new, so fresh. My Dad's funeral was only three months ago. Perhaps, it's just because I'm a human being who has a bit of empathy and I can't imagine what it would have been like to be so sad, to have lost so much, and be mourning the lost of a dear loved one, only to see picketers outside the funeral home or church. Whatever the reason, I am not alone when I say that the Westboro Baptist Church is way WAY out of line.

I'm not out to take away any one's right to a peaceful gathering, to take away their free speech. I don't follow my husband half way around the world every month so that he can protect those rights for nothing. I hold those rights near and dear to my heart. And so does he. We've talked about it, and he would not stop an anti-military protest. He refuses to say anything to anti-war or anti-military picketers on the street. Because they have the right to air their opinion in a peaceful manner.

I think, that if the group doing the picketing in this case were any group of people without ties to a Christian organization, I would feel much differently. I might not be as upset. I might not feel like it was as vitriolic, as disgusting. But then, maybe not. I think it is a violation of humanity to stage a picket line, a protest at someone's funeral. Turning an entirely somber affair designed to allow family and friends to say goodbye to a loved one into a political statement is entirely wrong. I don't know how. I can't give you a biblical example of why it is wrong to do this to people at a funeral, but I'm pretty sure it is. It goes against so many things that Jesus taught. It breaks my heart that the organization doing this comes in His name. It makes me want to scream and cry and try to stop it all at once.

Would God really use a teacher's car accident to make a statement against the way the public school is run? This church claims that the reason this teacher died was because the public schools teach rebellion. I think it's a little bit ironic, because wasn't that was Jesus was? A rebel? Didn't he fight the church leaders left and right? One of the things He came here to teach us was that sometimes a little rebellion isn't a bad thing. Jesus defied all sorts of social standards, liturgical laws, and rebelled against the sinful and unholy way the Pharisees were running the temples.

Why does it bother me so much that people are protesting at funerals? Maybe it's partly because of what my husband does for a living and this church is known for protesting at military funerals. Mostly it's because it's a church. It's a group of people associating themselves with MY faith and MY God. Maybe I'm wrong. I could be wrong simply because I am holding them to a higher standard than I would any other group or organization. Very often, I'm too judgemental of other people, especially Christians. I expect Christians to live a life with a higher moral standard, to be nicer to people, and to be law abiding citizens. But that's wrong, perhaps even hypocritical. I break the law, I'm not always nice to people, and I'm a Christian. I dare you to catch me on a bad day. Heck, let me catch you texting and driving, and you'll see the Christian fall off of me faster than a Maserati on the Autobahn. So, when I see a Christian failing my high expectations, I need to remember to pray and remember that I too, fall short. I too, sin. Most of the time it works.

But not tonight. I'm tired. Tired of hearing about these funeral protests. I'm tired of hearing about people showing up with signs that say that God hates Fags, and that all of our problems in this country are because God is somehow judging our nation for supporting a 'homosexual agenda' or fighting an unjust war or whatever else we do that could anger Our Father.

I'm tired of hearing about how much "God hates fags." That isn't true. Not in the least. God hates sin. God hates the behavior that often happens on earth as a result of humans having free will. God, however does not HATE any one. Be they a fag, a christian fundamentalist extremist, a tax collector, a murderer, even pedophiles. God doesn't hate human beings. God loves us. All of us. It is for that reason that He sent Jesus to die for our indiscretions. He sent his only Son to DIE so that we could have life. What is it that we don't get about that? It doesn't matter what we do, or what we don't do. The only thing that matters is what we believe. We don't earn an entrance into Heaven.

If God hates homosexuals because they engage in a sinful behavior (because again, God hates behavior and sin, NOT the being itself), then he must hate me too. Because I engage in sinful behavior every day. Just the other day my four year old had to remind me that the "f" word wasn't a very nice word. I told some girl to drive, rather than text with her "f"ing phone in a rather loud and mean voice. I sinned. I KNOWINGLY and consciously engaged in a sinful behavior. I think about doing BAD things all the time. I want to HURT people who stand outside of funerals with signs claiming that "God Hates (anyone)." God is love. And something that embodies love cannot hate anything but the thing that would destroy that love.

People don't die because of God's judgement. People die because their bodies wear out. People die because we were given free will from the beginning of time, and that free will sometimes leads us into bad decisions. People die because people die. It's bigger than a stupid church or a military policy on sexual orientation, or whether our schools are teaching the wrong things. The reasons for death are so deep and that I can't even wrap my entire mind around it or explain it in an angry blog post, but ultimately, it doesn't matter. Death is just the beginning for Christians. Without death we wouldn't have life.

This church believes that protesting at a funeral is a Christian act. It isn't friends. It just plain isn't. As Christians we are to love our neighbors as ourselves. And believe it or not, the word "neighbor" doesn't limit us to loving those people living in residences directly adjacent to our own. Neighbor here means a fellow human being. A fellow sinner. Whether homosexual, soldier, civilian, criminal, or regular old Joe Schmoe just trying to live his life. If we love our neighbors, we certainly aren't going to choose one of worst moments for a family to stage a political protest.

On some crazy level, I do understand where this church is coming from. I know what they are trying to accomplish, but the way they are going about it is all wrong. If you're mad at the government, protest at the federal building. Or the state building. You think the way the curriculum in the public schools is wrong? Join the PTA. Make changes. Home school your kids, or send them to a private school. Picket outside the Department of Education. VOTE to change the government and it's policies. It's your right. However, standing outside of a teachers' funeral claiming that she died because our schools teach rebellion doesn't change anything. It sends the wrong message. It tells people that Christians are hateful, spiteful, hypocritical human beings.


My message to a church that would send such a message to the world:

A Christian's first mission is to bring people to God. By sending such a hateful message in the name of God, surely you are turning people away from Him. And a back turned from God is a face turned towards sin.

What does the Bible say about Christians who lead people into sin?

Matthew 18:6 (NIV) But if anyone causes one of these little ones who
believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung
around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

Mark 9:42 (NKJV) But whoever causes one of these little ones who
believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung
around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.

Luke 17:2 (NIV) It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea
with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these
little ones to sin.

Not once, not twice, but THREE times it's mentioned. Three is an important number, and if you're a Christian, you know that. It's not an accident.

I could go on forever talking about how God loves everyone, regardless of their sins (He really does), how He wants us all to repent and believe so that we can go to Heaven (He really does), how He sent his Son to die so that we didn't have to pay the price for our sins (He really did) because He loves us so much, or how we can't get into heaven by doing (or not doing) anything (we really can't) and how it all hinges on what we believe.

I could, but it's late. And I'm sure I'm rambling by now. So instead, I will pray for this church. Because that is what I do when I'm angry with someone. I will pray that they will see how horrible, how AWFUL they are being by using a painful time in people's lives to make a political statement, turning what should be a sad but beautiful last moment in someones earthly journey into a media circus. I will pray that that the family will be protected from seeing the whole ordeal as they grieve. And lastly, I will pray that these events will cause people to question what the true God would say, and what He really says about moments like this so that they will come to know how much He loves us all -- no matter who we are or what we do.

What are you looking at?

This morning wasn't a morning I'm proud of. Every time I turned around someone was throwing a temper tantrum. There was one over a pair of socks that wasn't put on, because someone didn't want to go to the bathroom, because that same someone didn't want to get dressed, put on shoes, eat breakfast, carry his backpack, etc. There were more tantrums than I can count.

You'd think, ah a typical day in the life of a three year old, right? Yeah. Except that the three year old wasn't the one having the tantrums. It was me. I don't wonder where my child learned the art of being so difficult. I only have to look in the mirror to see it.

I was very grateful for time with my friends this morning. Time where I was able to look back and reflect on how I failed this morning, and know that it doesn't matter. Little Monster went to school and had a wonderful day. He was able to get a break from my psychotic behavior, and spend time having fun while learning. By the time he came home, he had his normal Mommy back.

What was my problem this morning? I'm pretty sure I was focused on myself and how "bad" I have it.. I mean, it's rained for how many days now? We were SICK the last day of sunshine.. And NOW the MALL is going to be a pipe dream at best for Friday. Friday, which I thought was going to be a day where I could leave Little Monster in school for the entire day and go shopping is pretty much cancelled. Friday school is closed. The malls are all flooded. Poor, Poor Mary can't go to the mall to get a bear re-stuffed and buy jammies for the baby. Don't you feel sorry for me?

Never mind the fact that I'm lucky enough to still have power and be in a warm, DRY house. Never mind the fact that we have a stable income and my husband has a steady job. It isn't important at all that we have MONEY to buy things like pajamas and food. Forget that the children are healthy or that we recovered from the yuck that hung over our house.

I was focused on the negative. The dark sky. I didn't even noticed that it had stopped raining.

This morning, I was able to remember that I should be focused on what is good in my life, and how much of it is a direct blessing from God. Thank You.

Now, let's hope tomorrow the person acting like they're three is actually three!

My schpeal

I have been a member of PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) for a while, now. Today, I spoke, and I'm putting what I talked about up here too. Of course what I have written down is not exactly what I said, but you'll get the gist of it. And you won't have to watch me sweat and shake like the poor ladies did this morning. To God be the Glory for this message. I hope that those who need to hear it hear it.

---

This tour has been extremely pivotal in my faith and my journey with Christ. Even still, since I have been here, I have found myself questioning my faith and my salvation more than I ever have. I started asking myself “Am I really going to Heaven,? I’m not good enough to get in. I haven’t done enough. The answer is No, I alone am not good enough, but through FAITH, I am saved by GRACE. Nothing I do will ever be enough to earn entrance into heaven. And even though I KNOW that, I still heard these nagging voices questioning myself, my faith and my role as a woman, wife, mother and friend. I wondered where are those nagging thoughts coming from? Why am I questioning the things that I know so well? I went to the PWOC International conference last year and attended a class led by Dawn Kennedy, who I believe is the Prayer Chair for PWOCI this year. That class really changed the way I think about those nagging thoughts. It helped me to understand a bit more about what is really going on inside my mind.

She spoke of the voices of God, Ourselves and Satan, what they sound like and how we can react to them. The message she gave me is one I’m going to share parts of with you. I don’t have time to cover an hour class in five minutes, but I can give you some points that helped me. I give all credit to the Lord for placing me in that class last year, because the message I am about to share with you is one that has saved my sanity many times over the past few months (and especially the past few days as I’ve been preparing this) and I know it will come in handy in the future too.

We all have an internal monologue… the voices that are running around inside your head narrating your day, etc. Dawn explained that this internal monologue isn’t only one voice. It isn’t just our own heart. There are three. God, ourselves, and the enemy. All three get jumbled around in our heads as we go about our day, mixing and mingling until we often don’t know whose voice is whose and which one we are supposed to be listening to. Was that the Father leading me in a certain direction, or was that Satan pulling me away from where I’m supposed to go? Or really, is it just the desires of my own sinful heart? Without a little armor, it could be really hard to tell the difference.

First, we know the lord speaks to us through the Holy Spirit. At Pentecost, (you will find this story in John Chapter 14) Jesus explained to his disciples of the things that were to come. They did not want to think about Jesus leaving them. They were afraid that without Jesus being around, they’d have no leader, no guide to help them. Jesus, always the loving reassurer, said to them in

John 14:16-17, “And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another
Helper, that He may abide with you forever – the spirit of truth, whom the world
cannot receive because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for
He dwells with you and will be in you….(NKJV)

As long as we have faith, we have the gift of the Holy spirit to guide us and help us along the way. It’s easy to believe in God and His loving, gracious mercy. But sometimes, we have trouble believing the influence that the enemy has on our lives. Biblically, we know that the enemy is out there, messing with us.

1 Peter 5:8-11 says:

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a
roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith,
knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the
world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by
Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen,
and settle [you]. To Him [be] the glory and the dominion forever and ever.
Amen.(NKJV)

How do we tell God’s voice of the Holy Spirit from Satan’s voice or our own?

1. If we know what God sounds like, we can pick his voice out of the mish-mosh the three voices can create in our mind. We know that god’s Holy spirit speaks to us, but we also need to remember that God speaks the truth out of LOVE. Going back to John, Jesus promised his disciples, and He promises us, that we are not alone.

John 14:26-27.
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will
send in MY name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all
things that I said to you. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not
as the world gives I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it
be afraid.”(NKJV)

2. We also know that when God speaks to us, He will not contradict scripture as he says in:

2 Timothy 3:16-17
All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is
profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in
righteousness, that the man of God may be complete thoroughly equipped for every
good work.(NKJV)

3. Other ways we can know it is God speaking is because He will not contradict His character, His hand will draw us to Jesus, and is gentle. Conviction is combined with truth, holiness love and Grace. We can see an example of this in:

Hosea 11:4
I drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love and I was
to them as those who take the Yoke from their neck. I stooped and fed
them.(NKJV)

He asks us to do many things, things we often don’t want to do, and convicts us when we resist, but it is always with love that He leads us, always knowing when we need to have that yoke removed, always knowing when we hunger and thirst. He draws US with GENTLE bands of LOVE. He removes the Yoke from our necks, takes away our worries and feeds us, because His goal is to strengthen, encourage, comfort, restore hope and bring LIFE.

So – we know God speaks out of LOVE using the spirit, does not contradict scripture or his Character, and seeks to bring us TO Jesus, not away. He convicts us with kindness. We can use this knowledge to test those voices and help tell us if that little thought or whisper in our mind is God speaking to us and convicting us, or someone else.

Now we go to Satan’s influence. We know He is messing with us, because we are told so 1 Peter, the devil prowls like a ROARING lion. We are to be able to hear him coming and seek shelter in our Lord.

Some things to remember about the enemy:

The enemy speaks truth mixed with error. He knows God, and He knows scripture. He tested Jesus in the desert and tried to use it against Him – if he was going to try to use scripture against Jesus, don’t you think he would try against us, people who are much more easily swayed? The enemy’s thoughts and words are centered in condemnation, predicting that dark future with no hope, accusing God, leading you away from Him.

Remember that the Enemy is sneaky about entering our thoughts. He doesn’t just crawl in and say, “Hi there! Satan here, I’m going to be playing with your emotions today.” He doesn’t show up to us as the cartoony devil on our shoulder either. If he did, we’d be able to see him coming too easily and fend him off. He slithers into our minds and tricks us into thinking that what HE is saying is OUR own thoughts. He replays the words that others say that hurt us over and over again, breaking us down. But one of the most effective things he does is that HE SPEAKS IN FIRST PERSON!!!!

Let me tell you how he speaks in first person. The past few weeks, I’ve been preparing for this devotion. Life got crazy busy. My quiet household turned into chaos, it is messy. I’ve not had time to do much other than ‘exist.’ My kids, who normally sleep pretty well have been getting up at night several times. Everything has been a bit off. The Lord knows us, but so does the Enemy. He knows I am weak when I haven’t had enough sleep and when I feel like my house is in shambles. Because my kids have been up nights, I’ve been sleep deprived and weak, allowing him to crawl in and say things like
“I’m not good enough to get up in front of these women.”

“Everyone else there knows more than you.”

“You know you’re going to quote an inappropriate scripture, or WORSE mis-quote one and distort the Word.”

“No one in the audience needs this message, they’re all CHRISTIAN, and don’t have to worry about these things. The enemy only attacks me.”

“Who do I think I am trying to teach people when I have so much left to learn?”

The devil tricked me into thinking I was hearing myself saying these things. I finally realized YESTERDAY after praying with a group of friends about my devotion, that here I am, about to tell all of these women how to fend off the Enemy! Of COURSE he’s going to play on my insecurities to try and keep me from delivering the message that the Lord has been placing on my heart.

These voices that are without hope, voices of fear and worry – they are not of God. They are not of you -- WE as humans have the desire to live and continue on! They are Satan trying to take your mind off of all of the good we have, trying to steer you into a downward “no-hope” spiral, draining our wells of the living water that is the Holy spirit.

Voices that say “I’m not good enough, Nobody likes me, NO one cares.” Those are the voice of the enemy.

What can you do about it? The best thing you can do is pray. Prayer is our first and best defense. We often try to do things ourselves, I think especially as “independent women” who were raised in the world to believe that we don’t need anyone’s help. But we’re told that if we ask, we shall receive:

Mark 11:24

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have
received it, and it will be yours.(NIV)

And I’ve found that when we pray against the enemy’s attacks, those prayers are often answered quickly.

Satan is real. He is here to mess with us, and trying to keep us from doing the Lord’s work. He tries to get us to confuse our thoughts with his words, he masquerades as the Lord in our mind, making us question ourselves, our faith and our motives. He replays other’s hurtful words in our minds, hoping we’ll focus on him and his goals, rather than those of the Lord.

Don’t let him mess with you. Recognize that prayer –even a small quick cry of help! – can send Satan on his way. Yes, the Lord will allow Satan to mess with us, but he won’t give us more than we can handle. Long before we’re tired he’ll remove the yoke from our necks and stop to feed us. Draw close to the Lord, and you’ll have no reason to fear. Remember what Jesus told his disciples:

Peace I leave with you,. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be
afraid.

Yes, the enemy prowls around us, roaring like a Lion in our heads, telling us lies, but remember, the Lord is with us too.

In his kindness God called you to his eternal glory by means of Jesus
Christ. After you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and
strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.

Theological discussions with a 2 year old.

Mom, where is Kweenex? Is dat Kweenex house?

Kleenex is in heaven with Jesus, baby.

Kweenex on farm in heaven wif Jesus?

I think there's probably a nice place for her to play in heaven. Maybe Jesus plays fetch with her.

Mom, Jesus wiv in heaven?

Yes, baby.

Jesus take elemator (elevator) to heaven?

I don't think he needs an elevator to get to heaven.

He have a sweep (sleep) in heaven?

Yes.

He have a bed in heaven? Where is him bed?

Yes, he has a bed. It's probably in one of his many mansions.

Oh. Jesus come back here?

Someday, baby. Someday.

When Jesus coming?

Only Jesus knows.

What? What's that you Say?

First Read this Article about "The Third Man" phenomenon.





Why was there almost no mention of a possibility of the "God" factor?? I mean, COME ON! Do we really need to talk about who is there with is when we are at our lowest, our loneliest, our darkest hours? Do you really have to ask who that "third man" is? You can believe it's biochemistry, or some sort of brain thing making you "feel as though" you're not alone.

Some of us know the Truth -- that we are not alone. He is with us wherever we are, to provide comfort and guidance, especially in the circumstances they're describing in the article.

"Imagine the impact on our lives if we could learn to access this feeling at
will," he says. "There could be no loneliness with so constant a companion.
There could be no stress in life that we would ever again have to ­confront
alone."

Imagine. I think I may have heard something about this somewhere before?

Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified
because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you
nor forsake you."

Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be
terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you
wherever you go."

Today I'm grateful that we're not alone. I know my mom was a few days ago. She was driving down the road when her Check Engine light came on. She stopped at my Dad's shop on the way home. He ran all of the checks, but the light never came on for him. Her car was fine. She left the shop and proceeded home. There was a huge accident at the major intersection near her house. The intersection she would have proceeded through at about the time the accident occurred -- had her Check Engine light not come on. We're not alone people.

Fanatic??

So, the other night, my dear dear husband said I was becoming a religious fanatic. I was initially offended until he explained that I was no worse than a Trekkie. I didn't mind it so much, because he's totally a sci-fi fanatic, and Little Monster is a Nemo fanatic... And it's true. I'm a big fan of Jesus.

So I guess I am a religious fanatic. But does that mean I have to find the religious version of Comic-Con and show up dressed as my favorite bible character? How would a religion-based Comic-Con type thing work? Would people from all religions be invited? It could be interesting to see a bunch of Buddhas, Mohammad, and Zed, that crazy dude from the Christian Scientology's religion. Or is he from the Jonestown craziness? I don't know. All I know is that could be one volatile combination.

Wonderous Weekend...

This past weekend I was at a convention for my bible study group (Protestant Women of the Chapel --or PWOC). It is a group set up for women who are in or married to the military. It was an amazing, eye and heart opening experience. If you're a Christian, you've certainly been somewhere that when you walked in you could sense the presence of the Holy Spirit -- He was there this weekend. He was there BIG.

Our speaker was Lisa Harper. She was incredibly down to earth, open about her flaws, and incredibly personable. She told two stories that REALLY really touched my heart.

The first was her take on the story of Jesus, the Pharisees and the adulteress woman. Do you know the story? It's from John Chapter 8 1-12:

1But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2 Now early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all of the people came to Him; and He sat down and taught them. 3Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. and when they had set her in the midst, 4they said to Him, "Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. 5 Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say? 6 This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though he did not hear. 7So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let them throw a stone at her first." 8And again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

You've all heard that line from Jesus. But that wasn't necessarily what she was preaching. There is a HUGE act of mercy in this story, and it isn't even that after he said that everyone left without one stone being thrown. Lisa said this: Imagine this woman, who thought she loved a man (who should have been thrown in with her, wasn't), was caught IN THE ACT, which meant she was not wearing much, and if anything, she only had a blanket to cover herself. All the eyes of the crowd were on her. She was feeling betrayed because the man she thought she loved had not been charged (and was perhaps involved) in this situation. People were staring at her, she wasn't covered, and she was guilty of a sin. Instead of rebuking her, Jesus knelt down to write on the ground with His finger. Everyone in the crowd (remember -- he was teaching so there were LOTS of people there to see this) looked at him after the Pharisees threw her before Him to see what he was going to do. And he held their attention by doing nothing but drawing on the ground as though He didn't hear. THAT, my friends, just as Lisa said, was an act of mercy. It gave her one second, during the most humiliating moment of her life, when everyone was watching, of privacy. A moment, where she could re-adjust her blanket to ensure that she was covered. A moment when no one was looking at her anymore.

I can't tell the story as well as Lisa did, but it sincerely touched my heart, knowing that Our Lord is so merciful, and knows exactly what we are going through. He knows exactly when and how to extend that mercy to the people who follow Him, even when they've made a mistake and done the wrong thing.



The other story she told touched me even more deeply and even more personally than that. She was illustrating an example of how much God loves us and how He knows how we need to feel that. Her story was about her step-father, whom she loved and adored. Her real father wasn't reliable -- really, he wasn't much of a father. (hmm. Sound familiar?) She was out with her step-father at the mall and they met a group of women that he worked with years ago and hadn't seen in a while. She stood there as they talked, stiff, wondering how the situation was going to play out and what he was going to say about her. When one of the women took notice of the little girl standing next to him she said "Well, I'll be! She looks JUST LIKE YOU!"

Now. If you're like me... You've been in situations that are similar to this. You wonder what your step-father is going to say.. "Oh no, she's not mine.... She's my step-daughter." You start sweating and your heart races, and thoughts go through your mind, and you wonder. How much does he really love me.

Her step-father's answer was to turn to her pull her chin up so he could examine her face. He paused, and said "Yes. Yes, she does." That acceptance, the little tiny phrase that probably didn't mean much to that man, meant the entire world to that little girl.

It means more than anything else in the world, when you don't have a 'real' father. When your step-father is tested in such a way, when he could easily explain away that you are not his, but only a step-child, brought to him through marriage. One he cares about sure, but not HIS. The love that is given when you, as a step-child, are acknowledged as just a 'daughter' is truly the greatest gift a "step" father could ever extend to a "step" child. And yes, my step-father always introduces me as his daughter. And it means more to me than he'll ever be able to understand.

That kind of love, that kind of mercy, again is the kind of love our Heavenly Father has for us. We are His. We are not his step-children, we belong to him. No matter when you think you don't have a Father, or that you don't fit in -- you do. Even if you don't have a merciful step-parent who is able to make you feel so a part of his life, you are a part of His life.

The part my husband likes...

... I talk. A lot. I used to talk even more, but sometimes, when I get excited, nervous, etc. I talk. I talk too much, reveal too much information. It's bad. So, when God tells me to shut up. He really likes it. Lately, I have been reminded by the Lord (through prayer and reading) that sometimes it isn't always best to speak your mind right away. Pray about it. Wait until the emotions are a little less raw, until the anger has faded a bit. Then speak.

I have to tell you it works. Prayer works.

When I get (irrationally) angry about the fact that there are school books and computers all over the dining room table, I now pray. A month ago, I would have nagged about how it's annoying, would you please clean that up... etc. Recently, I quit nagging about it. I started praying instead. If it was a big deal, then something would happen and it would be fixed. -------Two days ago, Not the Momma decided he needed to find a cheaper desk to put upstairs to do his school work on. Coincidence? I choose not to believe in that. I choose to believe that prayer worked in this case.

The bible study group I go to (See that link over there --> PWOC? Yeah, that's it) has an international conference coming up. A chance to learn more about myself. Something I've been considering for a while. I didn't have the money. So I prayed about it. I didn't whine to my husband about not having the money, or worry about it. I said "Lord, if you want me to go to this, you're going to have to help me find the way." Oh, does the Lord ever know me! I got a paycheck last week for enough money to cover the conference and then a bit extra. If I had gotten that paycheck any later, it would have been too late. Had it come too much earlier, it would have been spent on other things. Coincidence? I choose not to believe that. I choose to believe that the Lord wanted me to go to this conference. I choose to believe that is the reason why I received my paycheck the exact week I needed it and not a day before or after.

These are just the most recent examples. There are countless times that my prayers have been answered. Even when I was doing more asking than thanking, more taking than giving. Have you had a prayer answered recently? Even a small one?

*P.S. The part my husband likes -- is when I shut up. And stop nagging him about stuff. He likes that. A lot. And it works!

Marriage -- It's not for wussies!

If you haven't noticed, I've been without 'stuff' to say lately. That doesn't mean that I don't miss being here. It feels like it's been weeks since I've posted something. It's been since Wednesday.

I went to a new church with a friend this morning. It was wonderful! One of the things I've been praying about is the whole 'submit to your husband' thing. You know, the Bible says "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body." (Ephesians 5:22-23). I know a lot of feminist women that would read that and stop right there and say.. "Well, I'm not going to do that! I'm not going to SUB-MIT! to my husband." I know. I used to be one of them. But then, keep reading:

"Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her" (Ephesians 5:24-25)."So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does His church... Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband." (Ephesians 5:28-29, 33)

Well, that tells the husbands what they are supposed to do doesn't it? A husband is not supposed to be domineering, violent, or demanding. A husband is supposed to love, honor and cherish his wife. Just as Christ does the church. A man is never supposed to do terrible things to his wife. He is to treat her as he would treat his own person. While a husband is the biblical head of the household and his wife, it is not to be misunderstood that he has complete power over her. He is NOT to abuse his wife. Period. "For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does His church."

I am blessed to have a husband who follows these principles. He loves, cherishes, and honors me. Sometimes, I do not return that favor. I am not always very nice, especially after a particularly long day of MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM ringing in the background of the onslaught of telephone calls, emails, housework, cooking, and chasing that is my daily life. I have given so much of myself to others, that I have nothing left to give to him. He works hard to provide for us all day, and lately when he's come home it's been to a very tired and very crabby me. I am short-tempered, impatient, and mean. Something had to give. So that is the reason why I've been absent. It has been good for me to take a few days off. My batteries are re-charging, and hopefully I'll be back to my bloggy self shortly.

Not the Momma, no matter how crabby I am at the end of the day, I love you. I am glad you are home. I hope you are enjoying the meal I prepared while lovingly thinking of you. I want to enjoy the time we have together before you return to sea duty. I really do love you. For you. And not just because the Bible says I should. (*wink!)

Grace through Faith

This week was a rough week. I have been stressing about things. My house isn't clean, it is so disorganized that I feel sometimes like I'm losing my mind. I swear, sometimes I've already lost it. Not the Momma will surely attest to that. This week was one of the weeks where you'd think I'd lost it.

I take that back. YOU, who see me on the Internets or in real life out walking around, you might not have known that. At the end of last week, I retreated into my home to deal with sick children, laundry, cooking, and organizing. And at the beginning of this week -- it's all done. The house is a mess again, the organizing is gone, there is more laundry to be done. Sometimes it feels as if I'm in it all alone. That's why I need my Tuesday mornings. Tuesdays I'm reminded that I'm not the only woman out there trying to take care of all of this. I get together with women who believe the same things I believe, and we sing, fellowship, and learn more about God and his Word.

This Tuesday, though, things didn't go my way. I didn't get to stay for the entire lesson, because Little Monster wasn't feeling well. I tried to stay as long as I could, but he was getting restless, and would not stay in child care. So I left early. When I returned, I returned to a house that was in shambles. The trash was taken out, but no liner was replaced, dirty dishes were in the sink, the floor desperately needed a sweep and a vacuum, the dogs would not stop barking outside, but inside, they were under-foot, tripping me at every turn. Little Monster calling "mom, mom, mom, mom, mom" wanted to finger paint, and I.... I admit that I wasn't a very good person. I spent a lot of time yelling. Yelling at the dogs to SHUT! UP! Little Monster ended up in time-out because he wouldn't sit in his chair.

I realized that I needed help. It wasn't help that I could get from a person, either. Because really, my house wasn't in terrible shape, I just needed to spend a few minutes tidying. Little Monster wasn't really being naughty, he was just tired of sitting in his high chair. He's ready for a 'big-boy' chair. The dogs, well, they were just being dogs. I didn't need to yell at the dogs or put Little Monster in time-out. I was the one throwing the temper tantrums. I needed the time-out. So I did it. I put myself in time-out. Little Monster went into his room to play, the dogs were busy sulking in their beds and I went to the living room. I prayed. I picked up my bible, and opened it. I had written down some verses to be read months ago. I had lost it inside the Bible, but I found it. The next one that wasn't crossed off was Ephesians, Chapter 2. You can read it below:

1"And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, 2in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the songs of disobedience, 3among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. 4But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7that in the ages to come He might show the
exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness towards us in Christ Jesus. 8For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9not of works, lets anyone should boast. 10For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

The words that I needed to hear, were right there. Right there, waiting for me.

8For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9not of works, lets anyone should boast. 10For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.


For BY GRACE you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the GIFT OF GOD, not of works.

Suddenly, the dirty dishes in the sink, the disorganized dining room stacked with books, the laundry that needed to be folded, they became a little easier to tackle. The To-Do list on the fridge didn't get any shorter, but the items on it didn't seem so daunting. I was a bit humbled. We were put here to do good things, not in order to get on God's good side, but because, even if we make mistakes, even if we're not perfect, if we believe, we're already there.

Each Sunday I will post a 'Sunday Message' with the intent of sharing something the Lord has taught me during the week.

Hypocrisy?

A few days ago, as I was leaving my neighborhood, I noticed I was following a car that had a K-LOVE (a Christian radio station) bumper sticker. Right next to that bumper sticker, was the license plate. The license plate cover said "U hit Me, I Hit U Back." OH THE HYPOCRISY!

One of the best arguments non-Christians have against the Christian religion is the hypocrisy that reigns among us. I'm not talking about people who make honest mistakes, or give in to temptation every once in a while. I'm talking about the people who are Sunday-only Christians. They are the holier-than-thou type that judge others (which they are not supposed to do -- I admit, I have caught myself doing it at times), and treat others poorly.

Christians are not perfect. We make mistakes, we sin. It's what happens, we're human. But we try not to. Or we're supposed to try not to. Period. When we do, we recognize that we have sinned, and ask for forgiveness. And because we ask, it is given.

Back to the license plate cover. A couple of weeks ago, I was in church, and the message was about how Christians are not supposed to seek revenge. Three times the bible says "eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth," (Exodus 21:24, Leviticus 24:20, and Deuteronomy 19:21). So, if someone hits you, You hit them back, right? Right? No. Matthew 38:42 says:

38"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.'[g]
39But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the
right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40And if someone wants to sue you and
take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41If someone forces you to go
one mile, go with him two miles. 42Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn
away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

The other day, our pastor talked about the act of revenge and what the Old Testament says about that whole 'eye for an eye' phrase. These were laws set up to protect people from over-zealous revenge. If you took someones eye, you were going to lose no MORE than your eye as punishment. You were not to be killed for it. It was set up as a limit to the revenge that you could exact, the justice you could seek, not as a starting point.

I have a hard time with the whole revenge thing sometimes. Revenge feels good, especially at first. But what does it do to your heart? Isn't it better to kill with kindness? To be an example to the people who are treating you poorly by being exceptionally nice to them? Shouldn't we be treating our enemies as our friends? It's hard, very hard to be nice to people who are nasty to you. But it does show them a good example of Christianity.

Why I cried today... (and photos)

I guess it's better than because I was having a break down in the grocery store parking lot because my minivan tried to kill me. I can pretend it's because I'm nog toing to BlogHer, but this song always does it to me:



Every time. I managed to hold it together the first TWO times we sang it. But the third time, as the parents were arriving to pick up their children, the tears poured down. And I imagined they were staring at me because I looked like an idiot crying at Vacation Bible School. And then, I realized they were staring at me. And I got paranoid.

But then I realized I was wearing this (coincidentally, it's also what I've been wearing to psyche myself up for BlogHerNot 2008):





I looked like an idiot. Not just any idiot, but an idiot who was crying and having fun while wearing ridiculous headgear. Yup. That's pretty much me. Every Day.

And then there's the photos for those of you that wanted to see:

Worlds most poorly frosted and decorated birthday cake (thought and work does count. Especially when I have to beat off 33 year old hands from stealing my frosting):

World's cutest kid hamming it up for the camera. He has decided to say "tcheeeez" when he sees the camera now. I'm not sure who exactly taught him that, but uh, yeah...

Looks like Little Hammy didn't care about how poorly the cake was frosted!

I apologize. I really should split this up into two posts, or do something different, but eh. I'm tired. I've been running around with kids who insist that we hop like bunnies everywhere we go. So, yeah. I'm beat. And that's a lot of work. Apparently, so is writing a complete sentence.

He's speaking to me again...

It happens, you know. The Lord talks to us. You just have to be quiet and listen, unwilling to push aside that little voice that calls out to you.

The other day I was putting black oak tag in Little Monster's window to keep the light out --so that he will nap, and so that he will go to bed on time. As I was doing this, I noticed that no matter how hard I tried to keep out the light, it still found places to sneak in. That light is just like our Lord. No matter how hard I try to keep Him out, no matter how much I try to ignore what He is telling me, that light keeps peeking its way back in. It reminds me that there is hope. Because no matter how dark our world gets, no matter how much we try to keep Him out of everything (including Church these days), He's still there, peeking in. It's easier to get rid of the dark. You turn on a light, light a match or a candle.. But, have you ever tried to keep out the light? It's much harder. It isn't always easy, to fend off the dark, but it is easier if you keep His light with you.

Some days, especially these past few have been difficult. It isn't easy staying at home with a toddler, when I'm used to being out in the world, earning money and contributing to the household. So often, I forget that my contribution to our household doesn't always have to be in dollars and cents. My contribution is in the things I do every day. I still, though, feel like I'm not contributing enough to our world. I need to do more.

I have been praying for help, places for me to contribute. Today, it seems, no matter where I turn, there is a message. I have been involved with a local bible study, and have been praying to be a help where I can. I talked to someone today, and the thing they need help with, I can do. I am good with computers, and they need someone to help with that.

Our speaker today talked about Proverbs 31:10-31. The virtuous woman. Sure, this woman seems to have it all together, but she is only able to do all the things she does because she trusts in the Lord. Then, I come home, and I open my Email, and found this. I have been reading that blog for a while, and have read some good things, but today the message seemed to SHOUT something to me. The same message I got today from the speaker. Thank you.

Then, I opened up my Google Reader, and read this. Another blog I read often, and her message today seemed to SHOUT to me. You see, I have been afraid to post about the spiritual turmoil going on within me. I have been afraid people will be turned off and quit reading, running away. After reading that blog, I realized that perhaps I shouldn't worry about those who WOULD be turned off, and maybe worry about that one person, who needs to hear the message I am being asked to send out.

So, today, Lord. Thank you for this. Thank You for shouting at me when I don't want to listen. I know it is because You love me. Because You love all of us, and in the end, you want us all to be with You.

Fancy I am not.

Fancy, I am not. I always want to be that woman who has it all together, bakes creative and beautiful, yet healthy food. I want to be the woman whose house is immaculate and well put-together. In the back of my mind I desire for my house to look like it came out of a Pottery Barn catalog, my food to look like the pictures in the cookbooks, and my family to be dressed well, and act like the perfect Christian family. I try to reach for these dreams and I often find that I fall short. Because, Fancy, I am not.

My house is often a mess. Toys (as in baby toys, dog bones, computers, etc.), shoes and old mail are often scattered about the downstairs living area. My dogs shed a lot, so there is often three or four more dog’s worth on the couches and floors as well. The kitchen sometimes has remnants of whatever the last meal (or five) was on the counter, dirty dishes aren’t in the dishwasher because it hasn’t been emptied of the clean dishes. Our furniture is mismatched and well-loved. In some cases, it barely qualifies as furniture. Fancy, I am not.

The food we eat is just that: Food. If we are lucky, we’re eating at home. If we are even luckier, I’ve had a wonderful day and have been able to prepare a great meal for all of us to enjoy together. On not-so-good days, we eat out. But we have food. We don’t always eat the healthiest, but when we do eat at home, we generally try to have a protein and vegetables in each meal. The other day I tried to prepare a spritz-type peanut butter cookie, and instead of ending up with about 3 dozen cookies the size of my palm, I ended up with about 120 cookies the size of jellybeans. I guess that chocolate drizzle won’t look so appetizing on those. Fancy, I am not.

If you were to visit our house at 10:00 in the morning, most days you would find me, my hair still a mess, in my pajamas. The little Monster would be in his pajamas too, hopefully with a clean diaper, running around in his room playing noisily, reading, or watching some PBS show. On a better day, I might be wearing jeans and a T-shirt, and Little Monster might be dressed. Fancy, I am not.

I have to remind myself that Fancy is out of reach for me. Not because, I’m not good enough, but because in my mind, to be fancy is to be ‘perfect.’ So, Fancy, I am not, because perfect I am not. And that is okay.

I often remind myself that it’s okay for my house to be a mess – because the mess means that we are living in here. The mess means, no I didn’t vacuum today. But I sat down with my child and read EVERY. SINGLE. BOOK. on his bookshelf. It means that we spent some quality time together. I am not always dressed to impress because I have an 18 month old. Who likes to wipe his snot on my shirt. And my pants. And, I don’t like to do laundry. More nice clothing means more laundry. The messy kitchen means that we are rich enough to have food on our plates, and it means that Not the Momma has distracted me from the dishes. Which is fine. It’s FINE that the dishes didn’t get done. Not the Momma is HOME. So, spend some time with him today. Let the dishes wait for tomorrow when he is deployed, or busy at work.

Even after all of those reminders, I still, in the back of my mind strive for that perfection. Most of the things I desire to be ‘perfect’ are not important. I am not going to think back when I’m 80 and wonder why in the world I didn’t vacuum or dust that one week. I am going to wonder why in the world I didn’t spend more time with my friends and family, making memories. I don’t want people to think of me when I’m gone and think “Wow! She had such furniture.” Or “She was always well dressed.” I want them to remember me for being a good person – a good friend, a good Mother and a good Wife.

I also strive to be someone who others see and recognize as a (but more importantly BE a better) Christian. Someone who is so filled with the Spirit that you can see It in me. That is not an easy walk, though. The things of this world call often and they easily distract me. I am not perfect, I am not the perfect Christian. In fact, I am FAR from it. I need to remind myself that this home is temporary – and I’m not talking about my street address. I want to be the kind of person who will be welcomed into Heaven and remembered for the good things I’ve done. I’m not where I’d like to be, and the going is slower than it should be, but I’m working on it. Why? *Because He’s gone ahead of us to prepare us a place in His Father’s house, where there are mansions everywhere. Fancy, I am not. But Our Lord is, and so is His House. And the furniture, Pottery Barn has nothing on it.

*John 14:2-6, summarized just a bit.

My "God Pill." It started working...

Before I begin, I will post another silly quiz for "Friday Fun." I just have to say a few things first:
Today is Good Friday. Yesterday through Sunday, Easter Weekend, are probably the most important holidays in Christiandom. Even more important than Christmas. I'm not kidding. I read Daily Mantra's blog, Religion is the New Prozac a while ago. It led me to think about my experiences growing up, the Easter season, and everything going on in my life.

As a kid, we went to almost all of the Lent services. It gave me a great appreciation for how solemn yesterday and today are as far as Christian holidays go. The solemnity started Yesterday with Maundy Thursday. That service. It's hard to describe. In the church I went to as a kid, the service was normal until communion. After communion, there was the readings. Then the altar was stripped and we would go home. No fellowship, no hand shaking, no benediction or closing prayer and hymn. Just DARKNESS. and SILENCE. Because, Maundy Thursday is the day that commemorates the Last Supper, the night that Jesus was betrayed, sealing His fate that He was to be crucified. (Our service order was much like this one.)

Good Friday, of course is today. Today is the commemoration of His death and crucifixion. Today is the MOST important holiday as far as most Christians are (or should be ) concerned. Today is the day that Jesus died. Today is the day He descended into Hell. I grew up speaking the words of the Apostles Prayer in Church, which tells us all how "...[He] was crucified, died and was buried. He descended into Hell. On the third day He rose again from the dead. He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty..." Knowing this, that's what makes Maundy Thursday so powerful to me. Knowing that Jesus DIED and went to HELL for three days to pay for our sins. We all complain (myself included) about hell on earth, and how bad our lives are, but I'm pretty sure we're exaggerating. We don't know half of it.

Easter is a happy day. Because, after Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, it can only get better, right? Our Saviour comes back to life. "... On the third day he rose again from the dead. He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty..." That's why we celebrate Easter. Because our Saviour just finished his sentence of three days in Hell. Three days of Hell for all of us. I love Easter. It's light, it's colors, it reminds me of the hope that there is a place somewhere where it doesn't matter how much money you made, what possessions you owned, or what people thought of you. The only thing that matters is that you made the choice to believe that Jesus died for you. And as a reward, you get His neverending Love. Sounds nice, huh?

We all get caught up in our day to day lives. We all worry about gas prices rising, and all of the terrible things that can and do happen here on Earth. Lately, I've been worrying about our country. The recession, the depression that is coming. That if things get bad enough, our military (including my husband) may stop being paid. They are still expected to pay their bills and show up to work, but their paychecks are held until the government can pay. I am worried about the Presidential election. Which one of the candidates is going to make our country worse? Our whole world seems to be crumbling under the weight of oppression, racism, hate and greed. Our country is so jaded that we actually believe that we are 'hurting.' We have NO idea what the people are going through in Darfur, and many other similar countries. In China, the country regularly censures everything. They can't even read 2/3 of the internets because of the "Great Firewall of China." I worry that something terrible is going to happen to my child, and he will be 'broken' forever. Basically, I have been WORRIED. ABOUT. EVERYTHING. With all of this worrying, I have been a little miserable inside, and have had trouble sleeping.

Last night, though, when I realized it was Maundy Thursday, I said a prayer. I asked for forgiveness, because I haven't been doing my job as a Christian as well as I should be. I haven't been a good example of what a Christian should be. The further away I get from God, the more I worry about things I can't control. The further away I get from His Love, the more powerless I feel. I'm not depressed, I don't need help in that manner, I just need to realize that there are some things out there that I can't control. I need to be able to realize that I can put my fears and worries into His hands, and let Him help me through them. I need reassurance that Someone is out there, watching us and keeping us out of most danger. I need reassurance that if the stuff really does hit the fan, it isn't really over, that we're not here for nothing.

I know that this Easter I can start over. I can be a better Christian, I will be forgiven. I can give these worries to our Lord, and He will take them from me. He will help me cope. That is why Easter is such a happy, bright holiday. It reminds me that even when I think everything is wrong with the world, there is still a bright light for me in Jesus.

So, maybe there is something about that whole God Pill after all.