100 things I've learned in 300 posts:

1. Blogging is highly addictive
2. Writing is harder than you think
3. There are lots of people out there who are interesting.
4. There are lots of people out there who think they are interesting – but aren’t.
5. A 19 month old can knock over a picture, and have the sense to set it back the way it was.
6. Patrick Warburton is in every cartoon flick ever made.
7. If he isn’t John Ratzenberger is.
8. It takes a REALLY LONG time to come up with 100 things I’ve learned.
9. It also takes a REALLY LONG TIME to come up with 100 weird things about me.
10. Did I mention how long it takes to think up 100 books?
11. My husband is capable of taking care of an infant, and a toddler.
12. We’re not sure if he can do both at the same time.
13. Yet.
14. Childbirth isn't as scary as you think it is. Parenting, however is a different story.
15. A woman’s nipple can stretch 14 feet when a nursing baby turns his head to see what the answer is to Final Jeopardy.
16. A person can survive, albeit not well, on 2 hours of sleep per night for several months at a time.
17. Breastfeeding is natural, but doesn’t always come naturally.
18. A person can survive on 20 minutes of sleep at a time for approximately 5 days before going completely insane.
19. Have a girl. The clothing manufacturers have deemed that boys do not need clothing.
20. Babies can go from giggles to gut-wrenching, ear-bleeding screams in less than one nanosecond.
21. Baby fingernails grow at the rate of one foot per hour.
22. A baby’s 9 inch arm can stretch to 10 feet.
23. Babies can throw better than I can.
24. Being a parent is the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done, but has more rewards than anything I’ve ever done.
25. Change diaper sizes when your child reaches the MINIMUM weight on the next size up.
26. While they seem small, babies can simultaneously hold enough poop to clog a toilet and enough vomit to fill a 5 gallon bucket.
27. The only night in three months that you eat in the living room, baby will vomit all over your nice fluffy couch.
28. Baby vomit is hard to get out of couches.
29. Baby vomit smell never goes away.
30. Toys are for losers. Babies instead like to play with boxes, envelopes, cell phones, remote controls, keys, and cups. Don’t buy toys.
31. Baby cereal can be used as hairspray, superglue, or cement.
32. It’s stupid to travel with baby. You should just plan on moving where you want to visit. You’ll have to bring enough stuff to fill a 4 bedroom house anyway.
33. Before babies there are 365 days in a year.
34. After, that number is reduced to 12.
35. Babies produce enough ear wax in a week to wax a gymnasium floor.
36. Fetch: It’s not just for dogs anymore!
37. Legos, blocks and toys with sharp pointy corners have the ability to transport to alternate dimensions during the day so you can’t find them when you clean.
38. They return to this dimension after you’ve gone to sleep. They return in the middle of the path you take as you stumble to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
39. Stepping on a sharp toy in the middle of the night can cause you to pee your pants.
40. Even the best sleepers will wake up when mom starts screaming out profanity in the middle of the night because a sharp pointy toy has found the bottom of her foot on the way to the bathroom, causing her to pee her pants.
41. Go to the bathroom BEFORE you change any diapers or begin feeding/nursing, etc. It will make the experience better for all.
42. Just because it is legal to put your nearly one year old son on your lap for the flight, doesn’t mean you should.
43. Children who are used to running around all day do not do well being HELD DOWN on a plane for several hours.
44. Raisins are NOT a good airline snack.
45. Raisins look the same going out as they do coming in.
46. Be careful when removing clothing after a raisin poo. Otherwise, you’ll end up with raisins EVERYWHERE..
47. It’s not fun to clean up pre-digested raisins.
48. Giant stuffed animals make great friends, but even better wrestling buddies.
49. “No” hurts worse than a chipped tooth.
50. A smile at the right time, followed by a hug can cost you 2.900 Bahraini Dinar. And it’s totally worth it. Because every time he sees that goofy stuffed dog a smile erupts all over his face.
51. Multitasking is a bit harder after you have kids.
52. Shoes are dangerous weapons.
53. Especially when thrown from the back seat of a small car.
54. They are only slightly less dangerous from the back of a minivan.
55. No matter what vehicle we buy, the gas type for the vehicle goes up 50 cents two days later.
56. CDs double as Frisbees if you’re 19 months old.
57. A 19 month old knows a lot more than I think they do.
58. Rolling down a grassy hill isn’t as fun when you’re an adult.
59. Rolling down a grassy hill will make you itch for hours afterward.
60. Always, Always Always back up the blog before you make major changes.
61. Kids like to eat sand by the handful.
62. Changing a diaper after sand has been eaten –not fun for anyone involved.
63. Silence is golden – unless you have kids. Then it’s downright dangerous.
64. Silence followed by a splash sound usually means the bathroom door was open, and the toilet lid was up.
65. “Uh-Oh” is probably the cutest thing ever uttered by a toddler.
66. Until you find out what the “uh-oh” was about.
67. Unbeatable Banzuke is highly addictive.
68. As is Ninja Warrior.
69. Movies marketed towards kids aren’t always written for kids.
70. Your opinion of movies completely changes when your child is watching them.
71. Happy Feet: Not for kids.
72. When your son covers his eyes to keep from seeing a killer whale eat a penguin, it can break your heart.
73. Natural childbirth isn’t has bad as everyone fears it is.
74. It’s mind over matter.
75. Until your water breaks.
76. Bath crayons don’t always come off of the walls without soft scrub.
77. Sleep is one of the most wonderful things in the world.
78. California is not all sunshine and beaches.
79. It’s against to law to spank a child under three in California.
80. Finding a church in California is extremely difficult.
81. Rich people can be jerks.
82. Especially when you’re driving through their neighborhood to get to the beach.
83. And they don’t want to follow traffic signals.
84. Sand will appear in places you didn’t know existed after a beach visit.
85. Sand Angels are more fun to make as snow angels, because it’s warm.
86. Minivans aren’t as lame as I thought they were.
87. I tell myself lies to convince myself that minivans aren’t lame.
88. Fold Flat Storage rocks.
89. The Fog sucks.
90. Unless you’re talking about KFOG out of San Fran.
91. KFOG out of San Fran is the BEST. RADIO. STATION. EVER.
92. It hurts when you step on carpet tacks.
93. When editing the code for a page “;” is the most important thing you need to remember.
94. Preview is a wonderful, wonderful thing.
95. Friends “in real life” who read your blog comment less than people you’ve never met. (with a few exceptions).
96. People on the West Coast aren’t nearly as friendly as people on the East Coast.
97. Arnold doesn’t take a salary for his work as Governor of CA
98. Barney may be annoying, but kids like him. Because he sings lots of songs.
99. 18 months is too young to try to potty train a boy.
100. Add 3 hours to how long it took you to get ready before kids. That’s how long it takes to get ready now.

We're There!

Welcome! Do you like the new digs? I know, I’ve been missing for a couple of days. Has it been days? I decided for my 300th post, I would do a few things.

First, I actually got around to re-doing the header. It was an April/May (rain into flowers), and it’s well into June. It’s time that changed, huh? I’m still working on finding a template that I like. You know, one that just shouts “MARY’S PAGE!” without actually shouting it – I wouldn’t want people to fall out of their chairs at work because their speakers were turned up too loud. No one needs to lose their job because of my blog. I don’t want the lawsuit.

Second, I re-arranged some of widgets so that the slower loading ones are on the right, so you can get to reading right away. I’m sorry if you’ve been having trouble. My husband said something about it taking a while to load the other day. I hadn’t noticed.

And third, I’m going to do three lists: 100 things you may or may not know about me. 100 things I’ve learned since I started this blog, and 100 books I’ve read –and enjoyed in my lifetime. I’ve started them, and they are quite the undertaking. I’ll be posting them in the next three days as I finish up the lists. I figure 300 posts, I get three days to do three “100 things” lists, right?

This post is sponsored by Burger King*.

Well, not really. But the leadership seminar I went to in fourth grade was. Or was it sixth grade? I don't really remember. I do, however, remember that I was picked because I was someone the teachers deemed a 'leader.'

What the heck does that mean? If I had to look back it probably meant that I was loud, and tried to win friendships by being funny. I wasn't funny. I was just loud. Oh, but I tried. I think what my teachers saw was my attempt at being funny pretty much never hurt anyone. I wasn't one of the kids that would belittle others to get a laugh. Nope, not me. I would feel too guilty.

In fact, to this day, I still feel guilty about one of the few times I made a joke at someone else's expense:

I was in kindergarten. And I had a boyfriend: Jermy. His name was really Jeremy, but I called him Jermy. He didn't know (or didn't care) that it sounded like 'germy.' He loved me, and I loved him. We were going to get married. That is of course, if Michael Jackson wasn't available. Hey! I was five. And I loved him. He wasn't as weird back then. It was still the 80's people. Thriller! He was cool!

Where was I?

Oh. Yeah. Jermy. Jermy and I were in love. Madly in love. So much in love, that the teacher couldn't put us both at the yellow table because we would sit and giggle and make eyes at each other.

We both lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same bus stop.

One cold winter morning a bunch of older kids (they were so much older, they were probably in 4th grade) were picking on Jermy. Saying mean things, and teasing him. They were using 'peer pressure' to get everyone else at the bus stop involved too. There weren't any adults around to stop the bullying because this was back in the day when it was safe to send your 5 year old to the bus stop without worrying that some freak was going to run off with them. I think we were smarter kids back then too. We were told not to get into a car with strangers unless they said "purple cow" and we listened to that advice. Pretty soon all the kids at the bus stop were being mean to him. Including me. The other kids had pressured me into calling him a "sissy girl."

I will never forget the look of pain in his eyes when I called him those names. Or the pain that I felt when he punched me in the eye immediately after. That morning at circle time, I told our entire class that he had punched me, giving the whole incident a 'double whammy.' Jermy wasn't in the classroom during circle time, though. I don't remember why. I think he may have had ADD or something and was busy with his mentor at that time. I remember the hot feeling I got in my ears as my face flushed red when I told the story to my class, because I wasn't really telling the whole story. I wasn't telling anyone that I had called him a 'sissy girl' before he hit me. I wasn't telling anyone that he was being bullied, and the one person he looked to for help turned on him, joining the crowd.

I don't remember seeing much of Jeremy after that, but then, we were five. And kindergarten ended and we moved. But, sometimes, I wonder what Jermy is doing. I wonder if he remembers that day when the person he loved most, besides his family, turned on him. I wonder if he's forgiven me. I'm still not sure I've completely forgiven myself. I look back now and realize that yes, I was only five, and yes, I didn't really know better. But, I really did. I remember feeling guilty, even while I was doing it. That guilt, that is the sign of knowing better. I wish I could apologize to Jeremy for turning on him, for giving into peer pressure and being so nasty when he really needed his best friend in the whole world to stand by him and love him.

I've written about this before, but I'm writing about it again because that moment was one of those - probably the first -character building moments in my life. I used that moment as I grew up as a gauge. I still do. I don't ever want to cause that kind of pain to grow in someones eyes again. I think it was that moment that made me into what my fourth grade teachers deemed a 'leader.' I was always trying to get a laugh out of my peers, but I would try hard not to stoop to being mean to get that laugh. Those laughs, they weren't worth it.

What was your first character building moment?

*You know I had to mention food somewhere, right?

I'm HIT!

No one shot me, I've just been tagged. I've been pretty 'tag-free' around here. So this was quite a surprise. Seeryus Mama tagged me for this. Are you ready?


What was I doing 10 years ago?
Would it be bad if I said I couldn't remember what I was doing during the summer 10 years ago? I had just graduated from high school. So, I was probably being stupid. I imagine I was hanging out with friends, running about town, and working while getting ready to start community college in the fall. I was feeling the 'pressure' of being an 'adult.'

Pardon me while I pause. I just laughed so hard I nearly wet myself.

5 things on my to do list today:
1. Get off the computer
2. Clean the house
3. Win the lottery so we can afford to drive to Nebraska this summer. (we're going anyway).
4. Get self and child dressed. In clothing.
5. Get OFF of the COMPUTER!

Snacks I enjoy: Chocolate. As long as it isn't the Costco ice cream novelty chocolate. Then, chocolate. You can pretty much go back through my last 5 posts, and have this question answered. I seem to be writing more about food than anything else.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
This is a toughie. I would give a lot of it away. A. LOT. I would find churches and charities, and give them all kinds of things. Like Bosom Buddies. I would buy them a couple hundred grand in baby clothes. Because I love what she does. (She is doula in South Africa). I'd make friends with Warren Buffet and Bill and Linda Gates and try to convince them that we should get all of the rich people together and fix our health care system.

But I'd also have a super snazzy Mustang, and a big house somewhere beautiful, with lots of people to help me clean it -- all paid well.

Places I have lived:
Wow. Seriously? You ask a Navy wife this? Good thing I've only been married 6 years! Let's see: We started out Married in Lincoln, NE. Then, we moved to Newport, RI. Moved to Virginia Beach, VA. Back to Lincoln, NE. Not the Momma lived in Bahrain at that time, and we visited twice, for a month at a time, so I guess we 'lived' there too. Now we're in California. For another year or so. Then, who knows where? But that won't be the last place we live either.

People I'm tagging. Hmmm. I'm not very good at tagging people, because I'm afraid no one will do it. Usually I cop out at this point, and tag everyone. But, let's see.

I'm tagging: Ashlee because she loves me the mostest, Marmite Breath because who doesn't love marmite and because she's moving where I once lived! yeah!, and Vanessa because she needs to pretend to have graduated from our high school and crash the reunion this summer!

If you want to participate, you can too! I don't want anyone to feel left out.

PrompTuesday #8

We are supposed to look at that picture (nice, huh? I thought it was pretty) and think of three words. Mine were: Lake (how incredibly original), Parents, and Waterski.

Genre: Memoir.

Rules: As always 10 minutes or less, 250 words, have fun, and don't forget to tell San Diego Momma about it when you're done. Got it. Oh yeah, and have fun.


We spent nearly every weekend of the summers at that lake with my parents. I miss it now, and wish I had spent more time enjoying it and less time whining.

We drove down to the lake in Kansas in my Dad’s big blue van. It was a full sized van with a middle bench seat, and in the back was a bed instead of seats. We used it for camping too. We’d load the van when everyone got home from school and work, hook up the boat, and head on out.

We’d spend hours waterskiing, swimming and just being kids. Even my parents were kids then. Sometimes I just close my eyes and try to remember everything about that place: Rope swinging into the lake. limestone rocks. Giant lightning bolt that landing in the front yard, scaring everyone until we giggled. Coming inside when it started raining, being cold from being rain-soaked, but not caring. the smell of dust, must, and sunscreen. sticking to the vinyl couch.

Sundays we’d pack everything back up and drive home. On the way home, we’d stop and get burgers in a small town at the local Dairy Queen-ish restaurant. We’d get hamburgers with condiments put on in the shape of a smiley face for dinner, and ice cream for the ride home. It was always a peanut butter cup mix-in.

When I was 14 I was bored by those weekends? Now I want go back and live in one of them? My, oh my, how time changes things.