It's all in the timing...

We all have that family member. You know the one. The one that likes to tease you. They get just the teeniest bit of pleasure in making you squirm. They know all the right buttons to push and when to push them. So they do.

I have one of these family members. She always catches me at least once during our family reunions. This year, she wasn't at Thanksgiving dinner so thought I was getting off Scot free.

Then, today we visited the hardware store to get the folks a new Christmas tree. We turned our backs for two seconds. When we turned around, there Little Monster was, ten yards of felt ribbon unfurled around him, half of the spool ripped off. My mom, while holding three large spools of her own ribbon, told him to put it back. He promptly ignored her and continued to unroll the ribbon. At that moment, I turned around gave him a stern talking to, and swatted him on the butt because he didn't listen.

At that very moment, I turned around and there was that family member. Watching my normally angelic little boy --What, you don't believe me?? Well, I guess if you read this, you know the truth -- being incredibly naughty. And she commented on it. Oh yes she did. The one moment in the entire store when you really don't want anyone looking, let alone that family member.

Oh well, at least she'll have something to tease me about at the next family reunion we go to. Plus, my dad ran her over with the Christmas tree when we were in the checkout lane. ;) If you're reading this, family member, you know you are loved!

Wanted!

Boy Aged 3, goes by Little Monster. Other Aliases include but are not limited to Bo-Bo and Wolverine. Last seen wearing denim pants, brown shoes and grey hooded sweatshirt. Rosy cheeks and messy hair. Possibly covered in dirt. Carrying a rope.

Dog. Aged 13. Jack Russell Terrier, White and Tan. Some aging apparent on face in muzzle and eyebrows. Goes by the name of Buster. May or may not be wearing a red collar.

Approach with caution as the two could be considered armed and dangerous. They were last seen on Saturday afternoon. They are believed to have escaped from the high security facility known as Grandparents backyard. The escape was believed to be a team effort out of the back gate. Their motives are yet unknown as are many of the details of the escape.

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Either I have a Doctor Doolittle on my hands, or we're in big trouble. Maybe a little bit of both. This morning, while I was taking and unexpected nap with Baby Butterball, Little Monster came in crying because Grandpa said he wasn't allowed to play outside anymore. Why? Because Grandpa had found the dog outside of the gate, while Little Monster was attempting to climb over it out of the backyard.

We interrogated both parties. According to Little Monster, Buster was tired of being in jail. So Little Monster helped Buster to get out of the yard, then decided he needed to "rescue" Buster. The dog, however still refuses to talk.

Go Huskers?

I grew up in a college town. A college town that revolved around their football team. You don't go shopping, eat out, go downtown, or do anything outside of your home on home game Saturdays. And heaven forbid you accidentally wear your favorite purple shirt the day Nebraska plays Kansas State. So when I met Not the Momma, a big hunky football-y player looking guy, I asked him what his feelings were about football and sports in general. His answer, something I can't repeat because he is, after all, a sailor, made it clear that I didn't have to worry about becoming a football widow. There would be no worries about needing to throw giant Superbowl parties, or whining about turning the game down so that the kids could sleep.

Being away from all of the sports craziness has made me want to embrace it, just a little bit. So, when we returned to Nebraska, I bought some "Husker" gear for the kids and I to wear this weekend for the game. We went out to dinner the night before the game last week, and Little Monster learned the phrase "Go Big Red!" It's actually rather cute to hear it come from his little mouth. Especially when he forgets that he's supposed to say 'big' and it comes out "GOOOOOOO witttllllllllle Wehhhhhh-ehhhhhhd! Go Big Wed!"

It's surprising how quickly little ones pick things up, and what they mean. Little Monster today somehow picked up that we were all wearing red, and that all of our clothing had the "huskers" logo on it, and I somehow missed it. Imagine my surprise, then, when we skyped with Daddy earlier this evening:

Me: Never mind the shirt I'm wearing.

NTM: Ah, you went out and bought some husker gear, eh?

LM: GO BIG WED!


And now that the child has learned team spirit, for a team to which he doesn't belong, I now must pray that my husband has not changed the locks to the house when I return. Or that, now that we have orders, he hasn't up and moved without us.

How about some Beta Carotene?

Auntie L: You know, LM, carrots are good for your eyes. They help you see!

LM: Carrots not good for mine mouth!

Strange Happenings

Mom! Don't worry! Dat not a monster! Dat just a car driving by. It not a bad guy. Where dat car going?

Probably to the grocery store. I don't know where they're going baby.

Dey not toming a dwama's house?

Nope. They are not coming here.

Oh, Okay.

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Buster! Buster! Tum outside and pway wif me. It a nice day outside! Tum On! (the pitch going higher with every sentence) Tum ON! Tum on Buster!

Buster, it a nice day outside, Tum on! Don't be mad! Tum on! Tum on! Tickle Tickle Buster!! You tum outside wif me and you pway wif me.

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Baby, Buster is old and probably needs a nap. Let him take a break and he'll come outside with you again in a little bit.

It IS a little bit! Buster need tum outside wif me and get da bad guy monters out of da yard.

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After all of that, he came inside, took off his pants.

Me tiwerd mommy. Me take off mine twothes, me get mine jammas on. Me need take a shower first though. Den me get in mine bed.

He proceeds to remove the REST of his clothing, go downstairs, find pajamas and pull-ups, put them on. If the child goes downstairs and crawls into bed and goes to sleep, I'm going to start praying, because surely it is a sign that the end of the world truly is near.